Oiler's Rest, off the Wharf
It was light, or perhaps it was dark; she did not know. There was too much light; her eyes ached with the strain of trying to open, and the pain of it seemed to reach back into her skull and throb somewhere she couldn’t name. She tried to picture it like a diagram, but that only hurt worse, and shapes and words seemed to float around inside her, dizzying and odd, like a puzzle with no shape.
The other place which hurt was her ear. Niccolette thought she must have rolled over; she wondered if it was the pain that had woken her. It was sticky and damp all along it, and against her cheek and down her neck. She did not look at the pillow; she thrust it to the side, and climbed out of the bed, and stumbled towards the bathroom.
Niccolette made it, but only just. Throwing up hurt worse than the light, and it made the throbbing in her ear considerably more painful. She clung to the cool porcelain until the shaking had eased, and then half-barkers backwards, and curled up against the cool tiled floor, pressing her too hot cheek against it.
Niccolette woke again shivering. It was not only the cold; it rippled through her like waves, like water, like tears. She was crying, then, sobbing, curled up on her side on the floor. The air shaded blue around her, soft at first and then deep and dark. Nothing drained from it; it did not go anywhere, but, in time, Niccolette collected it back before her skin, and held the heavy weight of it in her chest once more.
The Bastian rose up onto her knees; she shuddered. She grabbed hold of the counter, and at the clink of her ring against the counter she felt her anger rise too. It got her to her feet; it got her, shaking, to the sink, to splash palmfuls of water against her face and ear, to rinse her mouth out until she could not taste anymore.
Niccolette lifted her gaze slowly to the mirror, and she looked. “Fuck you,” she whispered, her voice hoarse and rasping, and she knew who it was she cursed.
Niccolette stumbled out to the bedroom. Walking grew easier as she did it, as if her legs were remembering how. “Fuck you,” she said, a little louder, her damp fingers dragging through the heavy mess of her hair, “you clockstopping ersehole.”
She had to stop, then, to cry; it was a brief one, like a squall, fierce and wild and over as quickly as it had begun.
Niccolette dressed. She didn’t know how she had chosen, but she knew that it was a pale purple silk shirt that she buttoned with shaking fingers, that she tucked into the hem of light brown pants. She pulled the belt tight, and then tighter again, finding the neat new hole which had been carved into the leather of it. She settled it against her hips, and sank down, burying her face in her hands, perched on the edge of her vanity.
Niccolette did not bother with powder, or lip color, or black kohl to rim her eyes. She ran a brush through her hair, but only lightly, because too many of the strokes sent a jagged pain through her. She did not look back at the bed; she blew out the lamp, and she went.
Niccolette went along the edges of King’s Court to the Wharf. She felt as if she faded in and out through the walk; she could not have said the path nor the streets, and she was left with only a vague impression of shivering in the cold night air, and the throbbing pain and blank dullness on one side. Once, someone came close in the dark, footsteps creeping behind her; Niccolette flexed her field, then, pulsed it sharp and vicious and let the fury seep into it.
And they went, and so did she.
Niccolette didn’t bother with the name of the tavern; she made her way inside, into the warmth and the noise. It streamed around her, through her; it throbbed in her head. It was enough, just barely, to let her forget; it was not so much, just barely, that she could not stand it. She walked through the crowds without looking around, without the slightest acknowledgment of anyone around her, and they parted for her, and the furious brightness of her field.
Niccolette settled herself onto a stool at the edge of the bar, wobbling. She held tight to the edge of it with one hand, gold ring glinting in the light. She tucked her throbbing, aching ear towards the wall, and let the other fill with sounds. There was a tankard before her, then, and she slid a coin across the sticky wood for it, not caring if it was the right one. Niccolette drank, a heavy mouthful. She swallowed; she sat.
It came all at once; it came unstoppable and uncontrollable, and there was nothing she could do. There was time only to turn her head, because even with her eyes watering, Niccolette could not bear to be sick on her own lap. She leaned over, shuddering, and brought up whatever was left in her stomach, and the beer besides, and she did not so much as look to see where it would go – so long as it was not Uzoji’s pants.