[Closed] So Much to Pay For

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Tom Cooke
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Wed Aug 12, 2020 12:05 pm

Nutmeg Hill Thul Ka
Early Morning on the 37th of Loshis, 2720
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erise was frowning, grey eyes chill.

She’s a boch, he wanted to insist; they don’t even manifest until they’re – but he smiled at Isu’wu, and the little lass was smiling too, just a pina, though all the small lines of her were tense. There was an awkward pause. Sish puttered a little snore in his lap, and he looked down and stroked his fingertips over her neck, scratching behind one feather-tufted ear.

When he looked back up, Cerise was smiling a little, too. He glanced between her and the lass; when Cerise spoke, some of the tension went out of him, too.

If Isu’wu had aught to say about Cerise’s adherence to fashion – the wide dark eyes flicked over the blouse and the skirt and Hat, drooping on the arm of the chair – she said nothing. She bowed again, her smile brightening a little. “Of course, madam,” she said brightly. “My juela – my mother…”

It wasn’t too long.

He sat stroking Sish, who’d melted against him rather like a cat; he lifted up one sharp-clawed paw once with his finger, to see if she’d noticed, and she only drew it back and used it to cover up her eyes. He caught Cerise’s glance once or twice, and his smile never faltered, though he met her eyes squarely every single time.

If Cerise lacked enthusiasm, Isu’wu’s barrel was overflowing. It’d been so last time, though before the Anaxi’d come, there’d been nothing to stop her one foot over the threshold. She’d pulled down what must’ve been a dozen tunics and suits and amel’iwe for him, bubbling excitedly against the stone wall of his awkwardness. He hadn’t known a thing about the asymmetric emuh cut of a man’s suit as opposed to the eyederep cut, or tzusiq-pattern amel’iwe, or any of it. He still didn’t, but it’d pleased him to hear Isu’wu go on.

He wasn’t sure it pleased Cerise, being honest. But she was polite, as the little lass brought out clotheshangers draping gowns almost taller than her, some embroidered at the collar and the hems, some not, some with asymmetric-cut skirts that would’ve been scandalous in Anaxas. Her bright chatter filled the room up, undeterred.

Ebele came back with the tea tray, wafting steam and the smell of mint. The pot was embossed, and the silver caught the low light; he thought it was just a swirl of flowers and river-water at first, almost abstract, and then he caught the edge of a turtle’s shell in the pattern. She set it down on the table, then took a few of the hangers from her daughter, laughing as she hung them back up.

Ebele passed undeterred through their fields, when she came back to pour the tea. He glanced at Cerise once over the imbala’s shoulders, though he didn’t meet her eye.

“Do you take sugar?” Ebele asked, and then left off, smiling as she passed the delicate gold-black teacup to Cerise. “Go fetch Isiri, my dear,” she said smoothly to Isu’wu, a cheerful spiderweb of lines around her eyes. “Would you like to pick up where I left off on ada’xa Uqasah’s amel’iwe?”

“Ea, juela.” Isu’wu bowed her head and went.

The imbala took a seat in the third place at the table, a little further from either of them than he was from Cerise. His own cup of tea sat at the edge of the table on its saucer; he was still occupied with Sish.

Ebele held hers in her lap. She waited until Isu’wu was fully out of the room. “Before we begin to work out details,” she said, smiling at Cerise, “I should ask if you would like to have the fitting done here. Ada’xa Dzapir is only a few houses down the street; he is a good and honorable man” – she put emphasis on both words – “and has agreed to send us the measurements, if a client should not wish for us to do the fitting.” She took a small sip of tea.
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Cerise Vauquelin
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: Emotions Like a Balled Fist
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Wed Aug 12, 2020 7:56 pm

Nutmeg Hill, Thul Ka
Loshis 37, 2720 - Morning
Cerise had managed, somehow, not to let the frown return to her face as Isu'wu looked at everything the dark-haired young woman was wearing in that open way children had. If she thought there was anything to recommend them as a species, children, it was this. There was very little ambiguity, especially with the young: they might not know what they were trying to communicate, but they weren't terribly good at beating around the bush either. At least in her admittedly limited experience. The girl was old enough to think better of saying anything at least, although Cerise didn't think she could have held it against her even if she had.

It wasn't as if she were trying to be cruel, she thought rather fiercely to herself. Least of all to a child. Just because she had been—taken off-guard, that didn't mean... Cerise shoved the thought firmly down in her mind. He probably hadn't told her on purpose, like she'd thought before. Wanting to see what her reaction was. Well, he'd seen it. Good for him.

Cerise had only the most passing of interests in fashion either here or in Anaxas; she had opinions, certainly, but mostly relied on the expertise of tailors to keep her looking even the moderate amount of acceptable she managed on a general basis. So far, the system seemed to work fairly well. The girl, though, was excited enough for the both of them. The enthusiasm poured out of her as she explained each and every item, animating her face. Cerise did her best to follow along, and only glanced at her father a couple of times. He was smiling each time, and it irritated her.

Somewhere in the middle of the showing and the chatter, Ebele had returned with the tea she had mentioned before. It smelled strongly of mint, which was generally speaking not Cerise's preference. That was fine; none of this was, generally speaking, Cerise's preference. That seemed to be the cue to end the display; Ebele took some of the hangers from the girl and put them back away before returning to that little table to pour the tea she had brought.

Cerise moved back to stand over by the chairs. She saw her father look in her direction, and she didn't meet his eye. She was still quite furious, in the end. It was only the focus of her anger that kept shifting. Cerise moved to take a seat, putting the Hat on her lap and deliberately angling herself away from her father.

She accepted the teacup with a murmured thanks, willing herself to be less stiff than she was. It worked to a degree, as long as she didn't let herself think on it too much. "No, thank you," she added, responding to the question of sugar. She held her cup, and she didn't drink from it.

Isu'wu left the room, to do whatever it was that her mother had asked. There was a pause until then, a pause Cerise couldn't help but peer into. Waiting until the child was out of earshot. Her face didn't settle into a deeper frown than was her habit, but she didn't turn to look at her father either. That likely would have put a snarl on it, at this point.

She wanted Sish back; she never should have asked him to hold her. That was a channel she could let her feelings run down. A petulant, petty kind of anger that the miraan wasn't on her lap or her shoulders or anywhere she could reach was easy to hold on to.

Cerise didn't quite understand the emphasis on the words "good" and "honorable", when the question came. But she understood the meaning, anyway. Not a question, she thought; a challenge. If all of this had been a test, then this was the very last one. Nobody, she thought, would be surprised if she wanted to go elsewhere. She was, after all, what she was. The expectation chafed; Cerise frowned, drawing her dark eyebrows together. She didn't turn her head, still.

"No," she said after a brief moment. "That's—that's not necessary." It was only out of the corner of her eye, really, but she did look at her father now. When she looked back, she took a sip of her tea and she smiled, sharp.
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Tom Cooke
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Wed Aug 12, 2020 10:38 pm

Nutmeg Hill Thul Ka
Early Morning on the 37th of Loshis, 2720
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erise hadn’t looked at him the whole time. Her thin face was very pale, and the bits of dark hair that’d got plastered to her forehead and neck were now coiling and fraying through the air, a halo of black wisps. When Ebele came to the question, lowering her teacup elegantly to the saucer with a tinkling of her bangles, Cerise frowned. It made little dark lines between her brows.

“Very well, madam.” Ebele’s voice was warm; she inclined her head and shoulders again. “We are grateful for your choice.”

He caught Cerise’s eye when she turned her head. He was still stroking his fingers over Sish’s flank, feeling the way her scales stretched over the rise and fall of her breath. Cerise’s eyes were sharp and cold; she wasn’t smiling – not even close – but there was an edge in her eye he didn’t much like. He frowned back, eyes narrowing slightly, and glanced toward Ebele. By the time he looked back, Cerise wasn’t looking at him anymore. She was taking a sip of tea, the teacup clinking quietly as she lowered it back to the saucer.

What the hell is it, then? he thought, shifting slightly in his seat with Sish as Ebele rose and gestured. Cerise rose, too, after a moment, and they began to turn.

He felt a pang of something else, mingling with his irritation. The sight of her narrow, straight back, of the braid on the back of her head, made him feel strange. Something was missing, he thought, and he felt it with an itching sort of desperation. It washed out the anger, for a few moments; all he could think was Cerise outside the Cafe earlier, and the way she’d looked down at the tiny golden drake with a worried knit in her brow…

“Ah –” He didn’t move too quick; when he’d shifted, he’d felt Sish’s muscles tighten, her scaly skin twitching. She puttered another snore and resettled her head on his chest.

He made to take the miraan in his arms and give her back to Cerise, but a chilly look – and something softer and stranger, down at Sish – stopped him. His lips pressed thin, and he sat back in his chair. They wove back through the room and around the desk, Ebele’s hems whooshing quietly over the carpet. Cerise didn’t look back; he watched her disappear.

What the hell is it? If you dislike them so much, then why the hell’d you let her–? It didn’t make a whit of sense.

It was hard to hold his anger, looking down at the sleeping miraan. Quiet voices drifted through, but he could make out no words. It felt strange, too, stroking over her wing-feathers with these hands; he murmured to her soft, once, in this voice. She shifted closer against him, and he shut his eyes, taking a painful breath.

Sish’d woken up, before they were over halfway done.

More than that, before they came out, she was squirming. Having a sleeping drakelet in your lap was a fair different matter than a wakeful one; all that’d seemed soft as she slept now seemed sharp, riff-sharp, with those beady little eyes blinking about at all ada’na Ebele’s fine projects. Shit, he’d whispered, holding Sish, feeling the bunching in her muscles. When Ebele came back out, leading Cerise, one of Sish’s feet was digging into his gut.

It was a relief when Cerise finally took her, terse as the lass was. Isu’wu came out, bright-eyed and cheerful, smiling at Cerise. He creaked to his feet and made the last of the arrangements with Ebele; he glanced over his shoulder once, sharply, when the doorbell jingled, and he saw Cerise go to wait outside.

It was a little while before he joined her, standing stiffly in the alleyway with Hat. He shut Ebele’s door behind him. Noise drifted in from the bustling street, but it was quiet in the alley. “Cerise,” he said quietly. He couldn’t quite help the pinched expression on his face.
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Cerise Vauquelin
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: Emotions Like a Balled Fist
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Thu Aug 13, 2020 12:00 am

Nutmeg Hill, Thul Ka
Loshis 37, 2720 - Morning
Cerise hated this part.

She hated most parts of the experience, if she were being honest, but this one was especially tedious. It was not Ms. Ebele's fault, and she tried her best to keep her misery and discomfort out of her face and manner as much as she could. For all that she stiffened when the woman approached, that had very little to do with it. She would have felt the same about any tailor.

It was easier at least, with the anger keeping her spine straight and her chin lifted. She had considered asking for Sish back, wanting that comfortable weight on her shoulders even if the miraan would get in the way. She looked at her father, the words on her tongue—"I will take her back now, thank you"—but those little scaled limbs looked so loose and comfortable, she couldn't bear to do it. She could feel betrayed that Sish was sleeping so comfortably on her father's lap when she herself was so angry all she wanted, but she wouldn't lift a finger to disturb her.

Without Sish, there wasn't much else for her to do but think, and answer the occasional question. Think about this entire day, and what she made of it. What had he wanted? She couldn't seem to puzzle that part out. When Sish had torn up the fabric at Mr. Jima's, he had left the store and asked her if she was all right. Here, the slightest tension in her posture, the slightest discomfort—they had died, the passive and the student both, even with professors right there, and so many had gone to the infirmary, and—and it felt like she had failed a final exam. Since when did he care how she felt about passives? Since when did he feel differently, for that matter?

Was it Rosmilda? Cerise couldn't imagine so. Surely one's secretary didn't have such an influence. Was it just, then, a reason to find fault in her? That didn't seem right either, but it was more correct than any other theory she had. Ugh. This was all terrible, and she should have brought Sish with her. How dare he have her on his lap when she was the one who needed—who wanted her.

There was satisfaction then in coming back to find Sish digging one of her small, sharp feet into his gut. She looked down at the drakelet and beamed. Perhaps less of a betrayal than she'd expected. He had at least done an admirable job keeping her contained. Ms. Ebele's work seemed unharmed.

"I can take her back," she said, and held out her arms. Her voice was tense but her posture was open. Sish crawled over to her without a backward glance. Cerise knew she should feel less gratified to have the favor of a glorified flying lizard, but she was awash with tenderness all the same. Sish settled around her shoulders as the child reappeared, beaming up at her. She smiled back down, feeling at least a little steadier than she had. That golden tail was wrapped around her neck once again, and it was as if the world had set itself properly to rights.

She bowed as she exited. For all that she left first, she thought she may as well be polite. It was just that she couldn't keep it up any longer, and with the girl—with Isu'wu back, Cerise felt distinctly irritated with the idea of making more out of things than she should. Better to stand outside while they made final arrangements. Safer for the displays, too. Sish was in no mood to be patient indoors.

"Wasn't someone an angel?" she murmured, standing outside in the alley with the Hat firmly affixed upon her head once more. Sish chittered a happy little noise; she smiled. "I may even give you a treat, hmm? For not wrecking two shops today."

The miraan didn't reply; it was part of what made her such an excellent conversational partner. No matter what Cerise said, there was no judgement in her triangular face or her beady little eyes. Only affection as she slammed her head into Cerise's jaw. It drained much of the tension from her. She even laughed, scratching right behind the crest of feathers on her head.

"What do you think he wanted, hmm? No, I don't know either. Your guess is certainly as good as mine." She carried on, waiting for her father to finish whatever needed doing. She had gone through with the fitting, at least, and it had been no more terrible than any other trip had ever been. She knew, in her heart and her bones she knew, that there wasn't much danger from Ms. Ebele. None known, anyway, and anyone could be an unknown sort of danger. She had just been surprised; she still didn't know why her father thought this beneath mention. Surely a few months in Mugroba didn't make one forget a lifetime in Anaxas, in Bastia even.

Or maybe it did; something dug painfully into her ribcage thinking so.

After a while he did emerge, business complete. Cerise had been leaning against the wall, Hat upon her head and Sish draped across her shoulders like a scarf. He looked at her with this funny, pinched sort of expression. But there was no lecture, only her name. Somehow, this made her angrier than she had been.

"Father," she spat, a mockery of the way he said her name. Not nearly so quiet, although still not loud. She drew her chin up and her shoulders back so she could look down at him. She had only a few inches to use, but she would use them to their fullest.
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Tom Cooke
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Thu Aug 13, 2020 10:27 am

Nutmeg Hill Thul Ka
Afternoon on the 37th of Loshis, 2720
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hen he came out, she was leaned up against the stucco, Hat on her head like some sort of – he didn’t know. He thought a long spikelet of hay wouldn’t’ve looked out of place dangling from her teeth. But it was hard to find much humor in it now, and harder still to smile; he couldn’t seem to scrub the frown off his face, and the expression on hers made him feel like he was looking in the mirror.

Sish looked at home on her shoulders, at least, the long glinting cord of her tail wrapped comfortably round her neck. It almost would’ve made him smile, even for everything else.

Father, she spat.

He blinked, frowning deeper. He watched her push herself up off the wall, straightening her back and lifting her sharp chin. A step closer and she was looking down at him, if only just, through chill grey eyes and a fringe of dark eyelashes.

He couldn’t pull himself much straighter than he already was, but he tried, regardless. He felt even smaller in the flat-soled sandals he’d taken to wearing here, and he wouldn’t debase himself by standing on his tip-toes like a boch. He lifted his chin and squared his jaw, and he found himself looking up his long, pointed nose at Cerise, and meeting her gaze as she looked down her long, pointed nose at him.

“Cerise,” he said in the same tone, if a little firmer. His frown deepened, his eyes narrowing a little.

For a few seconds, it was so. A carriage rattled by on busy Dzitoxo, spilling out laughter. A handful of shadows passed over the mouth of the alleyway, a group of women with baskets full of cloth. In the other direction, the alley split off into a quieter street; the smells of spices and fried lentils and more drifted in, and kofi through the windows. Insects hummed. A mosquito drifted through the air between them, and he lost focus for a moment, though he looked back at her.

A curl slid out of place underneath her hat, and Sish’s tail twitched. Another pair of eyes, beady and dark, was peering across at him. He felt some tension in him ease; this was ridiculous. He raised an eyebrow. “We can go back and forth like that all afternoon,” he said, letting out a breath and sagging a little.

And for what? He remembered Cerise smiling down at Isu’wu, and the pleased lines around Ebele’s eyes. The fitting had taken more time than it’d seemed, he thought with a pang. That must’ve been hell for you without Sish, he thought, his brow knitting. It didn’t make the rest of it any easier, but it ached, all the same.

“What’s the matter, Cerise? It’s not just the tailor,” he said, peering up at her again under his brows. “Just – talk to me. Please.” He gestured down the other end of the alleyway, toward the quiet street and the smells. He almost bit his tongue on the request; the last thing he wanted was for her to go charging off in the opposite direction and get lost.

The sun was right overhead, and there wasn’t much shade anymore. There was already sweat beading on the back of his neck, and he opened up his parasol, tilting it to look up at her. He didn’t expect her to laugh, and he couldn’t quite smile himself, but it did look very silly.
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Cerise Vauquelin
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: Emotions Like a Balled Fist
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Thu Aug 13, 2020 3:17 pm

Nutmeg Hill, Thul Ka
Loshis 37, 2720 - Afternoon
Cerise felt her hands curl to fists at her sides as she looked down the sharp slope of her nose into that face that so matched her own. Right down to the expression; it was not an endearing trait in the least. Not on either one of them. He repeated her name again, and the frown got deeper to go with the narrowing of his eyes.

Fine. If he wanted to—if this how the afternoon was going to go, fine. He could come out here and scold her if he wanted to. He would have to do it to her face now, at least. There was no hiding behind a sternly-worded letter or a lecture from Diana. Cerise kept her shoulders square and her jaw tight. Prepared to hold like this, not giving even one inch. They stared at each other; a carriage went by, crowds went about their business on the main street.

It was also clocking hot, probably too hot to be standing there glaring at her father. They had been in the tailor's shop for quite a while, and the sun had moved more fully overhead. Even with the aid of the Hat it was merciless; there was no shade to stand in now. A curl slipped from its confines, sticking to the sweat already on her skin. None of that mattered of course, not in the face of how angry she was. A thousand little needles, trying to get from the inside out.

To her complete and utter surprise, it was her father who moved first. Not to tell her in exactly what way she had failed, either; he didn't strike the first blow, he pulled back almost entirely. Cerise frowned; she didn't quite understand what was happening. "Quite possibly," she allowed. It was almost funny. Almost.

Had she not known better, Cerise might have thought he looked concerned then. That, she thought, was impossible. This was—this was going to be a fight. About something, she didn't know what. But surely something. Wasn't it? What else could happen now? The sun beat down on them and bounced off of the stucco walls of the shop, making everything so bright that looking at it hurt.

"What?" There she was, taken aback again. "What's the matter?" What kind of question was that? And then at the end, that request. Please and everything. Cerise looked down the alley where he gestured, then back down at him in surprise. Her shoulders had been so stiff until now, but they fell like she was some kind of marionette and her strings had been cut. This didn't make any sense. Sish's claws dug into Cerise's shoulder, and she brushed her fingers along the curve of her tail.

No, she wanted to say. How dare you ask me that question, after—after all of that. Whatever "all of that" was. Cerise found that the more she tried to pin it down, the less she could really figure out what she thought was happening. It was aggravating. That absurd godsdamn parasol came back out. He had to tilt it back to look up at her; it made him look like a maiden in some painting. Except for all the part below the parasol, of course. She didn't let herself laugh or even really smile, but she shook her head.

"I mean, uh. Since you used the magic word, I—" She frowned, but there was as much confusion in it as there was anything else. Talk. Cerise grunted, frustrated. Her skin prickled; she wanted to blame the sun, but she knew better. She couldn't shrug either, not with Sish on her shoulders. "I can do that. I guess. I don't know what you think there is to talk about."

This was all too weird. She couldn't do it standing here in the alleyway, and certainly not looking at the warped mirror of his face. Talk. What on Vita did he think—? Cerise set off down the alley, away from Dzitoxo and towards the quieter street on the other end.
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Thu Aug 13, 2020 4:28 pm

Nutmeg Hill Thul Ka
Afternoon on the 37th of Loshis, 2720
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ocks, was it hot.

There was something almost sad about the way she’d drooped; if they were going to have it out over this, floods, he’d just wanted to tear the bandage off and see what was underneath it. All this, he’d wanted to demand, and all those rumors I happen to know are true, and you draw the line at imbali? There’s a whole Turtle full of them, lass, and if it were going to burst into flame, I think it would’ve done already.

But he’d known, after all, it wasn’t so simple. He studied her a moment, the curls plastered to her neck, Sish’s talons digging into her shoulders.

He watched her stroke her fingers along Sish’s tail, and he felt another pang.

Maybe it was the tailor after all, he thought. He wouldn’t’ve been surprised. Or what the little lass had said; maybe it’d hurt her, and she’d expected him to… he didn’t know what. Leave on the spot? He couldn’t’ve imagined asking her if she was all right, though – he thought suddenly – he’d done it once already, just earlier that day. Maybe he should’ve asked again.

Maybe. Or maybe, if he had, she would’ve just snapped at him.

She didn’t smile at the parasol, but he hadn’t expected her to, and twirling it just now seemed a little too much. All the same, he cracked a smile when she replied – a tiny hint of one. She was frowning, looking for all the world like he’d just sprouted a second head.

He lifted an eyebrow when she spoke again, but he didn’t say anything, at first. He looked after her when she set off, the brim of Hat bobbing, fire on her heels. He thought he caught a look of Sish’s beady eyes over her shoulders. He set off after her, and he fell into step beside her.

“Well,” he started.

This street was almost as narrow as the alleyway, with mostly fancy old houses that’d become flats. There was shade aplenty on one side, where the shadows slanted with the sun; the breeze shook long leaves of hanging plants, strings of pearls. Cigar smoke drifted out an open window a ways up, and though there was almost no traffic.

If she’d been angry he’d brought her there at all, she’d’ve had out with it by now, he thought. So what, then, if not–? He’d seen her stiffen when Ebele came into field range. If he tackled it head on, if he said the word, he thought she’d vehemently deny it; that was the way of it. His mind caught on an old memory, some spat or other he’d got into with – her.

So he took a deep breath, tried to look at it from a different angle. “You were scowling at me in there,” he said, “fit to bring the ceiling down. I think you must’ve had something to say to me. You went in there – maybe not smiling, but nowhere near that look you gave me over ada’na Ebele’s tea. You, uh…” He looked at her sidelong.

He paused, looking down at his sandaled feet. “Even still, you were damned patient,” he said, “with the whole – tailoring – business.”

She had been. And so had Sish, he thought, bemused, though she’d got restless for her lass there toward the end.

“So what was it? You don’t have to say, but – hell – was it me? Was it ada’na Ebele? Was it something said?” He tried not to put too much emphasis on any of those. “If I may invoke the magic word again,” he intoned, raising an eyebrow, “please?”
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Cerise Vauquelin
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: Emotions Like a Balled Fist
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Thu Aug 13, 2020 8:27 pm

Nutmeg Hill, Thul Ka
Loshis 37, 2720 - Afternoon
She hadn't wanted to look at him and that too-similar face. It was easier to be angry if she didn't. She wanted to be angry. Which was lucky, because she was furious still. Swirled in with the confusion, and all of the parts of her that couldn't decide what she was meant to have done.

What did he want? What had the point of all of this been? Because she could only delude herself for so long, she knew what she had wanted. What the point had been for her, not that she'd ever... It didn't matter. He was the one she was trying to figure out, not the inside of her own head. What he'd expected, what he'd wanted. There in the shop, and now too. Not her comfort, for all he'd brought it up at dinner. If that was a concern, he could clocking well have said something in advance, or at least... She didn't know what else. Something. That only applied to sporting costume, or whatever it was she had been on about. Apparently.

"Well?" Cerise moved to the shadier side of the street automatically, not really sure where it was they were going. She had taken off where he had pointed, but she had no destination in mind. This seemed a more residential street than where they had been before, with a few cafes and little storefronts scattered in here and there. It was almost empty, though her sharp, directionless steps carried them past a pair of men dressed in that combination of rich and shabby that marked them as scholars, fiercely arguing between themselves.

"I was the one scowling at—?" Her voice raised before she could stop it. Cerise bit her tongue, wanting him to finish before she said anything more. Hoping it would give her a clue as to what any of this garbage was all about, some scrap of indication for her to follow. She turned her head to scowl, and then looked just as quickly away. She had slowed her pace, at least. There was no point in walking quickly to nowhere, she supposed.

Patient, he called her after a pause. With the whole business. Frowned at her the whole godsbedamned time they were in the shop, and the second they leave he talks about how patient she was and asks "what it was". She snorted when he asked if it was him; that was a stupid question. Against her better judgement, it turned to a laugh at the end. She cut it off, but not fast enough. Damn it. It was the stupid eyebrow.

"You may," she said, forcing all the lines of her face back into a sneer. She waved one hand as if she were allowing a great indulgence. "Ms. Ebele was—fine. I can't hold her profession against her." Cerise had liked her actually, as much as it was possible to like someone who was prodding you every which way in front of a mirror. That hadn't helped her mood any, but it wasn't the tailor she was upset with.

Hells, she hated this. It would have been so much easier if he would just tell her what she did wrong so she could snarl about it and be done. Her jaw worked back and forth, tension in the line of her shoulders. She thought of what to say, and rejected a few things right away for being too stupid to bear hearing out loud. She huffed a frustrated sigh, and none of the lines her face eased.

"You could have told me before we got there," she said tightly. "I would still have—I don't like being tested. I don't—" She broke off there, gritting her back teeth. She hated this almost as much as she hated going to the tailor's. Possibly more. Almost definitely more. He'd know what she meant. He had to know what she meant.

"Also, uh, I don't know where we're going," she grumbled, as an afterthought.
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Tom Cooke
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Fri Aug 14, 2020 12:11 pm

Nutmeg Hill Thul Ka
Afternoon on the 37th of Loshis, 2720
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I
was the one scowling at –

He had blinked, taking a deep breath. There was a pause in the chattering of the kov they’d just passed, but then the argument picked up again, and the two feverish voices began to fade into the midday lull. Godsdamn, but every time he’d opened his mouth. He’d continued on, calm and easy-like; he’d some experience with this, at least.

She laughed – she snorted, and then she laughed. When she spoke, he looked over; that look was back on her pale face, all curled lip in the shadow of Hat, but he knew she’d laughed. He looked at her sidelong underneath his parasol, her own face half-hidden by her brim.

She was grinding her jaw, now; if the hum of the insects’d been any quieter, he thought he could’ve heard the click of teeth on teeth. Sish was comfortable round her shoulders, but she was rigid underneath the miraan’s talons.

If it’s not her profession you can hold against her, he wanted to say sharply, then what the hell is it? Are you just going to say it outright, now that we’re not in ada’na’s presence? It would’ve been a cruel thing to say, and he wasn’t angry enough to say it, anyway; he bit it back, and he knew it for hurt, though he couldn’t’ve said why. He was used to Cerise’s haughty, chill tones, and her grit teeth and her scowl. It was just that he expected her to be direct about it, if anything; he expected…

“Tested?” he blurted out, both his eyebrows shooting up. He looked away abruptly, then looked back, then looked away, out toward the street.

A few student-aged folk, arati by their slimness and the asymmetric cut of their dress, were coming up the sunny side of the street; one of the lads was laughing.

He shook his head. “We’re, uh –” First thing’s first. “I don’t know, either, being honest,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, “but it’s been a long morning, and I thought we’d find someplace to eat. There’s a cafe not too far from here that Thul’amat students are partial to; it won’t be busy, this time of day.”

They turned onto another side street, this one more shaded, old stones winding down and down. A river-smelling breeze drifted up from a bend in the road.

“Tested,” he repeated, this time softer. He ran a hand along his jaw, then sucked at a tooth with a soft pop. I would still have, she’d insisted. A few pieces slid into place, but not nearly enough. “First of all, I’m sorry,” he said, “for not – telling you. I didn’t think you’d want to be told.”

I didn’t think at all, he almost said, but that would’ve been a lie. I didn’t want to condescend, he almost said, which was closer to the truth. I wasn’t sure, he could’ve said, and it felt more like an excuse.

He looked over at Cerise. “But I don’t – tested? His brows furrowed. To his surprise, he found hurt in his voice. “That would’ve been a damned rotten thing for me to do,” he said, “using you and ada’na Ebele both for some kind of –” He broke off, feeling a tug of guilt. I don’t use people, he wanted to say.

He looked down.

“Circle, it wasn’t a test; I’d never. I was – confused. And... hurt, maybe, I suppose. I didn’t know how much experience you had, with...” He frowned, glancing over again.
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Cerise Vauquelin
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: Emotions Like a Balled Fist
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Fri Aug 14, 2020 5:10 pm

Nutmeg Hill, Thul Ka
Loshis 37, 2720 - Afternoon
That was certainly one way to put it—”a long morning” indeed. It hadn’t started out like one. In fact she’d thought it had started better than she would ever have expected. Not that anyone would ever hear her say so, but up until the fabric store, Cerise thought it had been a good morning. They turned down another side street, no more busy than the one they had just been on.

”All right.” Her voice was grudging; she really should just leave. Except she didn’t know how to get back, and she didn’t particularly relish the thought of being lost in this massive city with Sish being so antsy and anxious on her shoulders to boot. That, and only that, is what kept her following along the shady street.

Cerise looked over, sharp. Her eyebrows raised, eyes wide; then the expression narrowed into a frown once more. An apology was not something she had expected. She didn’t even think it was something she wanted. Because it was too unlikely to even consider. She didn’t feel any better for hearing it. If anything it only brought her frustration into sharper relief. Was it always her then, and her alone, that twisted everything into a fight?

”It doesn’t matter.” Not “it’s all right”, because it wasn’t. But it didn’t matter, ultimately. Whatever her father had thought or not thought, it had been the way it had been and there was no point in thinking about it being otherwise. Apologies only mattered if something would change because of them. And Cerise didn’t think, somehow, this would come up again. Any of it.

There was a tone somewhere in his voice when he spoke again that Cerise didn’t think she had ever heard, not directed at her. Not quite like this, anyway; she didn’t think she was capable of causing hurt. Disappointment or frustration or anger, certainly. Those she was an expert in. But hurt was different. You had to care for someone to hurt you.

Cerise stopped dead in her tracks. Sish chittered and partially opened one golden wing to brace herself. There was nobody else on the street, which was good, because Cerise didn’t think she could control herself now even if they had been in the middle of the most crowded market in Thul Ka. The look on her face wasn’t apology and it wasn’t sorrow; it was dark and set. Her lip curled, caught somewhere between a sneer and a snarl.

”By what method,” she demanded, balling her hands into fists by her side, ”did I cause you to suffer?” Sish nudged at her cheek with a delicate jaw and Cerise ignored her. Was it the fabric shop? She didn’t think so. When they’d left that, it was Cerise who had been miserable. Then, that had gone—she didn’t know. Maybe worse than it had seemed. Shredded velvet and broken plates, that’s all it ever was.

”Please, enlighten me. Is my discomfort so offensive to you? And experience, pray tell, with what? With tailor’s shops? With upsetting anyone who happens to be near me? Or do you mean with passives, because you should know exactly what—” Cerise bit the words off with a growl, swallowing them down. She didn’t need to keep going; she should never have started. So he thought it would all have been fine, have been nothing. Fine. Fine! It had been nothing, in the end, other than her own feelings, which were hers and only hers. Nobody else was obligated to care about them. She didn’t even know why he was asking now.

Cerise pressed her fingers to her eyes. This was stupid. She felt stupid; she was acting, she knew, stupid. Overreacting like a child because she had been agitated and measured and despite best efforts had come up wanting. ”Ugh. Fine. I am so terribly sorry to have offended you with my clearly unkind assessment of your character, which must be based on nothing at all. Great. You’re right, and everything is my fault. I don’t care.”

Sish beat her head against the side of Cerise's cheekbone again, and this time she uncurled a fist to run her fingers along the miraan's long, muscled neck. There were indents in her palm, bright red half-moons from her nails. It was hot, and she was tired, and since he'd mentioned it she'd realized she was hungry again, and all of this was idiotic. She had, on top of it all, the most ridiculously petulant desire to go home. The problem with that being, of course, that she had no idea where she meant.
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