the vaulquelin's house
some odd hour too soon on the 19th of Vortas, 2719
"Please do not think I cannot understand your urgency, Lilanee. I see the situation as a difficult choice—I can only imagine that in my chan-induced confusion, things I said felt very dismissive, but now that I am more clear-headed, I am wary of the danger." Ezre spoke quietly to the redheaded student's objection, feeling her dismay and reading it clearly on her face. He didn't know what the right answer was, honestly, because waiting meant risking the man's life but going immediately meant risking theirs. Well, dru, going at all would most likely be risking theirs, no matter how much time they took to prepare.
The Hexxos Guide longed to have some concept of the phenomenon that warped their spell, that changed it, that seemed to be somehow intimately linked to the mist. He longed to know what the landscape would be like, what terrain they'd be trekking through, and what, if any, wildlife really did thrive in the strange place abandoned by Anaxi centuries ago after the War of the Book. He knew what legends said of the place, but he wanted to find something less grounded on hearsay and perhaps actually more historical—if anything like that existed at all.
He tried to be the calm that Lilanee clearly needed, but it was difficult, here in her company, still feeling very raw, very open with only the vestiges of his rhakor because of what he felt their relationship required in this moment. He knew he wasn't ready—not mentally, not physically—and admitting such shortcomings felt shameful even if being honest was definitely more important than agreeing to do something he wasn't yet prepared for. He'd thought he was ready for the magic that allowed them to learn of Jonathan Emmett's survival, but now on the other side of such an experience, he realized how much more doubt in himself the strange success had left in its wake.
"It is not wrong to feel so strongly, but zjai, it is difficult to find the right balance so that your mind does not stumble over your heart. I cannot say I am very good at such things lately, either." Ezre's words were soft and he returned the pressure of her hands tangled in his in kind, smiling almost shyly when she slipped her fingers from his to reach up into his hair and attempt to adjust all the thick, dark strands away from his face. He'd fallen asleep with it wet and now it was just an untamable mess, really. He kissed one of her palms before they both drifted away toward the blanket, leaning closer to make sure they could be wrapped together that much cozier.
"Kzecka is home to some of the oldest libraries in the Six Kingdoms, possibly the original Ten before some were lost after the War. My umah and perhaps other raen Hexx'en may have some collective knowledge of where to look for information, or even be informative themselves. I—" It was the dark-haired Guide's turn to frown, watching the Hessean lace their hands back together again, turning a little to offer more of his shoulder for her to lean on,
"—it is not an issue of being too close to something. Being too close to you led us here, and while I am not entirely sure if my choices were the best ones, we know what we do now because of our feelings regardless. It is hard to explain Hoxian rhakor to an outsider, but it is not about striving to feel nothing, nor even to express nothing. We are also are often accused of being heartless by other Kingdoms, but at least you know that is not true. Emotions can muddy the waters of thought, but, sometimes trusting those feelings are necessary for navigating in places we cannot see."
He sighed as if admitting trust was difficult, either way, and couldn't help but let his head lean a little to meet her halfway when Lilanee tilted closer with his lips, smirking at her comment and turning their tangled hands over to look at the backs of his, to glance at his fingers, eyes fluttering briefly. He gently rest the side of his face against hers,
"The blue of the nicium seems to have stuck—or stained—but only along the edges of my tattoos. Something else I will have to ask my umah about, I think. Is it—everywhere? How strange."
The Hexxos Guide longed to have some concept of the phenomenon that warped their spell, that changed it, that seemed to be somehow intimately linked to the mist. He longed to know what the landscape would be like, what terrain they'd be trekking through, and what, if any, wildlife really did thrive in the strange place abandoned by Anaxi centuries ago after the War of the Book. He knew what legends said of the place, but he wanted to find something less grounded on hearsay and perhaps actually more historical—if anything like that existed at all.
He tried to be the calm that Lilanee clearly needed, but it was difficult, here in her company, still feeling very raw, very open with only the vestiges of his rhakor because of what he felt their relationship required in this moment. He knew he wasn't ready—not mentally, not physically—and admitting such shortcomings felt shameful even if being honest was definitely more important than agreeing to do something he wasn't yet prepared for. He'd thought he was ready for the magic that allowed them to learn of Jonathan Emmett's survival, but now on the other side of such an experience, he realized how much more doubt in himself the strange success had left in its wake.
"It is not wrong to feel so strongly, but zjai, it is difficult to find the right balance so that your mind does not stumble over your heart. I cannot say I am very good at such things lately, either." Ezre's words were soft and he returned the pressure of her hands tangled in his in kind, smiling almost shyly when she slipped her fingers from his to reach up into his hair and attempt to adjust all the thick, dark strands away from his face. He'd fallen asleep with it wet and now it was just an untamable mess, really. He kissed one of her palms before they both drifted away toward the blanket, leaning closer to make sure they could be wrapped together that much cozier.
"Kzecka is home to some of the oldest libraries in the Six Kingdoms, possibly the original Ten before some were lost after the War. My umah and perhaps other raen Hexx'en may have some collective knowledge of where to look for information, or even be informative themselves. I—" It was the dark-haired Guide's turn to frown, watching the Hessean lace their hands back together again, turning a little to offer more of his shoulder for her to lean on,
"—it is not an issue of being too close to something. Being too close to you led us here, and while I am not entirely sure if my choices were the best ones, we know what we do now because of our feelings regardless. It is hard to explain Hoxian rhakor to an outsider, but it is not about striving to feel nothing, nor even to express nothing. We are also are often accused of being heartless by other Kingdoms, but at least you know that is not true. Emotions can muddy the waters of thought, but, sometimes trusting those feelings are necessary for navigating in places we cannot see."
He sighed as if admitting trust was difficult, either way, and couldn't help but let his head lean a little to meet her halfway when Lilanee tilted closer with his lips, smirking at her comment and turning their tangled hands over to look at the backs of his, to glance at his fingers, eyes fluttering briefly. He gently rest the side of his face against hers,
"The blue of the nicium seems to have stuck—or stained—but only along the edges of my tattoos. Something else I will have to ask my umah about, I think. Is it—everywhere? How strange."
