[M | Closed] A Thread of Ivy

[Aurelie Steerpike]

It had been a stupid choice of words, but she hadn't been able to stop herself. Aurelie regretted them the moment they left her mouth, but then it was too late. It was always too late. She'd chosen the wrong words, and they had hurt, and it was miserable. It always came back to miserable with her, didn't it?

She flinched back from the fist he held out between them, more from force of the feeling than the action or hand itself. She wasn't sure--she'd heard things, of course, but wasn't sure which were true--well. Aurelie could connect the dots now in front of her. Some of it was assuredly true. The crack of Fionn's bones made her feel just a little afraid--but when he dropped his hand back and let it uncurl, Aurelie was only sad. It was--hard, to reconcile the fist and the jokes, the rumors and their conversations. Brittle and sweet. But not impossible.

Some friend she was turning out to be. Aurelie had very little experience with friendship, but even she knew that this wasn't really how it was supposed to go. You weren't supposed to say things that made someone so hurt you could feel it transferred from bone to bone. His grip on her hand hurt, but she let it. She wanted to--she didn't know how to react, but she had meant what she said before, and she meant it now. Aurelie liked him, and she wanted him to be happy, not to make him more miserable.

It was hard to reach out casually from where they sat on the desk next to each other, but she tried anyway. Her free hand reached out for his, intending to draw it towards her face and rest her cheek on the back of his knuckles for just a moment. Then she would let his hand drop again.

"You are not an aberration," she said with a tone she hoped brooked no argument. Perhaps too firm but--clock it, she meant it. Aurelie tried to catch Fionn's eye, unsure if it would help but--but--she wanted what she said to feel sincere. He had to know it was sincere. Whatever that was worth, she wanted him to have that sincerity. There it was again, that miserable tender ache. She wanted to cry, but that didn't seem fair somehow--this wasn't her misery. "I think you're--and... You are--just you. And I--that's all any of us--" Aurelie huffed in frustration and fell silent for a moment, thinking.

"...We could talk about it, uhm, if you want," she said at last. Her voice was hesitant, soft. "I'm not good with--talking, but I--I'm good at listening, I think. Or, we could... not." She shrugged, apologetic, and cracked half a smile. "Or we could just sit here." She wanted to draw him closer, but wasn't sure if she should. Instead, she leaned in a little to touch their shoulders together, eyes still fixed on his face. "Whatever... whatever you'd like. Truly."

[Fionn]

Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office

.

Splintering, that’s what was happening to him. He was splintering inside.

He’d shown his fist, bearing the truest mark of his monstrosity and she had flinched. As if he was going to hit her. Fionn wouldn’t have- It hadn’t been a threat, he never would have- That flinch alone hurt so much, agonising. Did that mean that she was afraid of him now or just that she’d seen him as something dangerous?

He was dangerous and maybe she should be afraid of him. Not that he blew up these days, not that things made him snap… like that anymore. He liked to think that he didn’t miss that way of life but in truth, he didn’t know. Even now, the young man didn’t know if he wanted to hurt someone as he tried and failed to deal with his own emotions, drowning in them.

Fionn didn’t even know if he was going to cry. Everything was just a jumble, one thing bleeding into another. Honestly, he only had one negative emotion in truth or he might as well - they all felt the same way and often presented in similar fashions. He had been known to cry and scream and hit all at the same time, multiple faces for the same thing.

He was probably going to start crying.

Her free moved to grab at his own, Fionn turning towards her slightly, dumbly allowing her to take it. He released a shaky sigh as she took it, eyelids fluttering shut as she laid his knuckles against her cheek.

Warm. Soft. Fragile.

But she’d flinched before, reacting to those scars and the violence that they represented. Aurelie had looked at them, had known what they meant and yet now she let them rest against her delicate cheek that he could so easily turn to pulp. Not that he would but… the woman didn’t know that. There was acceptance there and a new tremor went through his hand because of it, continuing even as she let it drop. His head drooped but he opened his eyes as she spoke.

"You are not an aberration," she told him, and her tone was surprisingly… assertive. The blond wanted to believe her because something in her voice told him that he wasn’t meant to think further on the matter, wasn’t meant to try to peer around the edges. The teenager didn’t argue, the glitter in her eyes telling him not to do so.

Clock the Circle, he’d upset her. He hadn’t meant to- Was she actually getting upset on his behalf? That notion made his heart ache, Fionn finding that he was almost too absorbed in her pain shining out of her eyes to notice his own. Except that she was merely a reflection of his agony, unless they were a reflection of each other, unclear where one’s pain ended and the other’s began. Whatever she was trying to stutter, it wasn’t far removed from what he himself felt, maybe what every passive in this godsforsaken felt.

Every one of them hurt.

He shifted back to his previous position, facing outwards into the room instead of nearly facing her and considered her offer, feeling it sitting heavily on his shoulders.

”You don’t know what you’re asking me to share, Aura. I… I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to talk about it with you. Not with anyone. I don’t know if I ever will,” he confided, chewing on the inside of his cheek. It wasn’t personal, it wasn’t her that put him off, there were just so many things that Fionn had inside him, so many secrets and he hadn’t told them to anybody. Maybe he’d never tell anyone and he’d never shared it all, never properly, never fully, only tiny snippets in the vaguest terms. Devlin knew some things, simply because he’d assessed the boy’s injuries and therefore he knew things that had gone unvoiced.

”There are things that… I wouldn’t tell anyone - I haven’t - and I don’t… want to talk about them now. I… I appreciate it though. Usually people don’t- We don’t ask each other about… anything. It’s better to pretend that you’re alone sometimes or that… you’re the only one who matters. I’m probably not a good listener though. I’m all mouth,” he joked weakly, his smile a wan one.

The youth turned back to her again, the hand that she’d so recently released moving to where their hands joined. He ran a finger over her skin before shifting his focus to where they were intertwined, separating them. His hands came together briefly in his lap, head turned away as his gaze flicked across the half-cleaned windows, the supplies that he’d used. Then he turned his attention back to her, more intent, his eyes shining with tears as he set hands on her shoulders. If Aura didn’t shrug him off then he would embrace her, arms thrown around her, fingers knitting together behind her back while he placed his chin on her left shoulder, face tilted so that it was partially pressed against her hair.

Fionn’s breath hitched again, creating a violent vibration in his chest but he didn’t start to sob, even though a few silent tears spilled over and slid down his cheeks.

”I hope… I hope you haven’t been h-hurt as much as me. I wouldn’t want you to have been- I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer like that but… you’re too sweet, too lovely. It should be a crime to damage someone so- Gollies have n-n-no fucking idea. No fucking idea what they do to us but I’m g-g-glad that there’s someone as lovely as you here. I don’t… I don’t deserve you to b-be so kind to me. So lovely. So sweet” he whispered, voice thicker. He'd swipe hurriedly at his tears, almost trying to hide them.

Maybe he needed that handkerchief after all...

A bit embarrassed, he tried to draw back, pausing and then pressed a swift and gentle kiss to her cheek, hovering there uncertainly even after his lips broke contact with her skin. He wasn't in the humour to start snogging her again, that wasn't what this was. The youth just felt that it was something he needed.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

”I’m s--” Aurelie felt an apology come rushing up to her lips, trying to push through her teeth and into a jumble of half-uttered words. With some effort she choked them back. She felt--she hadn't meant to pry, really, and she felt like she shouldn't have asked. Her mouth running away with her again, a problem she’d never really had until now when it mattered. Stupid of her, to have said anything, to expect--it was a lot, wasn't it, to ask of someone? That they just tell you things, unbidden, because you had ears to hear them? It had seemed, well, not quite appropriate just... Well. It didn't matter what her intent was, really. The results were indelicate.

A joke flashed in her mind, some weak response about him being all mouth as related to previous activity, but this too she didn't voice. It seemed tawdry. Was she supposed to say something? Truly, she hadn’t meant to trample somewhere she wasn’t wanted. Sweet merciful Alioe but she was lousy at this, even when she tried. Perhaps she’d made it worse just by asking.

"Alright," was her weak response. She felt a little pang of loss when he unthreaded their hands, though she was sure it was likely getting uncomfortable to keep holding on to her like that and she made no move to stop him.

Then he turned back to her, and she froze, pinned by the gleam of unshed tears. Aurelie was no stranger to seeing passive tears, of course. No, the newness here was the way she wanted to respond in kind, the way her heart lurched and her breath skipped. Fionn looking like he wanted to cry didn’t make her uncomfortable and filled with a desire to run away; Fionn looking like he wanted to cry made Aurelie uncomfortable and like she wanted to be absolutely nowhere else than right here, trying to do something. When he wrapped his arms around her she didn’t think or hesitate; her arms went up to clasp him back. Hugs. Hugs she could do, she was fairly certain. Fionn’s back under her hands was warm, some of the topography of the scar tissue felt even through the fabric of his shirt. It was strange how different this moment felt than before, registering what was, after all, the same features on the same body. Now it felt a map to some kind of feeling she couldn’t quite see the shape of.

”It--it’s okay,” she murmured. A nonsensical thing to say, but she couldn’t think of anything better. Her heart skipped at being called “sweet” and “lovely”--not the pleasant skipping of an unexpected compliment, but a sad sort of lurching because she really didn’t think she was that sweet at all. What had she done for him to deserve be described thus? Prodded at sore spots, made him cry? ”Oh Fionn… Of course you do. You do,” she punctuated this last with a gentle renewal of pressure from her arms before he drew back from her.

Some whim made her reach up with her thumb to wipe at his cheek. Aurelie didn’t want to intrude or embarrass, she just couldn’t stop herself. She ached, and it was unbearable, and if she didn’t do something she would perish of it. For a heartbeat she paused, then returned a kiss somewhere in the region of the corner of his mouth, chaste and fond. The intensity of her feelings pressed on her and she drew back just a little more, so she could look Fionn in the eye. Or near to, at least.

”T-there, see, are you still sure you want to see me again? I can’t promise this thrilling mix of highs and lows every time, you know.” The joke was half-whispered, her anxiousness pulling it out of her.

[Fionn]

Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office

.

It was rare that Fionn sought comfort. Niamh had hugged him often enough and he’d gained comfort from them but they were typically unasked for, almost a violation even if the outcome was usually a good one for him. Perhaps it was because she was the only one from whom he was willing to forgive an embrace. Every other hug he had had with any other person usually didn’t end well. He didn’t like hugs being sprung on him, even if he was sobbing, and when it came to other people being upset, those hugs were always awful as well - awkward and uncomfortable, an obligation that he didn’t want to have to fulfil. He’d begun to wonder if the wrongness of every hug, even those with Niamh, were because there was something wrong with him.

But when he hugged Aura and she hugged him back… it felt good.

She was small, fitting into him nicely as she ran hands over his back. In this instance, it seemed that the woman had a better idea of what she was doing than he did and he was happy to simply melt against her. His heart trembled within him, their chests so close that she’d probably be able to feel the tremor if she could differentiate it from the shaking of the rest of his body. He was upset, the shaking was a good indicator of just how upset but he really did feel better in her arms but he wasn’t going to start sobbing properly - he didn’t think so at any rate.

It was quite different from when they’d kissed obviously - he certainly wasn’t in the same mindset - but it was like an extension of that intimacy, the two of them already having some idea of how they fit together. Maybe that was why it helped more than usual while she murmured in his ear, sweet and soothing.

She gave him a final little squeeze before they broke apart and while it didn’t fortify him, it did feel good. Fionn still felt emotionally shaky though, which was unsurprising given that he’d shed a few tears. He did feel a bit self-conscious about that, not liking to cry in front of others - it could so often be a sign of weakness - and so it was more than a little embarrassing, especially when she wiped at them with her thumb. His cheeks warmed, face tilting away a little but she still managed to land a kiss on him, returning his sweet little gesture.

”Geroff!” he griped, the corner of his mouth twitching up and undermining his apparent complaint. He elbowed her lightly, fingers roaming through his dishevelled hair. As he’d done that day in the passive canteen, he tried to drag his fringe out in a vain effort to make it longer and conceal one side of his face.

”No, don’t start that now. You aren’t getting rid of me that easily. You know things now so I have to keep you close. Make sure that you don’t tell anyone,” the young man told her, wagging his finger at her, forcing himself to frown in her direction. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to hold the serious expression before he ended up snorting in laughter and ruining it utterly.

Gods, this couldn’t be any more ridiculous! Even though he was laughing now, he was actually still blinking away tears, wiping at his cheeks with the side of his hand. He was surprised that Aura wasn’t laughing at him in all honesty.

He slid from the desk, rolling his shoulders back with a groan as they cracked slightly. He bent, retrieving the handkerchief she’d brought, and used it to dab at his eyes.

“You keep using the word ‘wicked’ in relation to me, but I swear, you came here with every intention of making me cry, Aurelie Steerpike so I’d need a handkerchief. Wicked, wicked girl!” he clucked, fluttering the square in her face, his smile sheepish. It was strange to admit aloud that he’d cried - well, teary - even if it was clocking obvious. He tucked the cloth away, both hands disappearing into his pockets as he considered her. The sheepish grin became cheeky.

”If this is bothering me then well… feel free to bother me any time,” he told her, waggling his eyebrows. The teenager shifted his weight to his toes, teetering up onto them before dropping down again, swinging back on his heels. There was a soft clicking from his tongue.

“I do uh… appreciate it though. You dropping by, taking chances, giving me this… I won’t be careless with this. Gifts are… precious in here.”

Fionn didn’t need to tell her that as she must surely have known it herself, which made him wonder about her intent in the first place. Even if he’d known that she would drop by, he didn’t think that he could have predicted that any of this would happen and he couldn’t exactly forget that the kissing had occurred, even in light of the recent rather contrary emotions; the youth still had an ache of desire to contend with in spite of everything. Neither of them could have predicted this so… what had she expected? Had she expected him to simply thank her and she’d go? All that risk for that?

”I do have work to do - I work contrary to what a lot of people think - and I should get back to it but…”

His gaze went to his feet, examining a scuff mark on his left shoe as he built up courage, a little anxious about asking what he wanted to ask. He didn’t know if there was something he wanted to say or something he didn’t want to hear, but there was definite nervous anticipation here. Perhaps he was a bit scared by what her answer might be - not that he’d admit it.

Brown eyes rose to pin the redhead with a curious look.

”Why did you go to so much trouble to do this though? It’s not like I uh… Well, I was a dick to you and then I was… less of a dick but definitely still a bit irritating I’m sure so… why?”

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Oh, this was better. This was so much better. Aurelie felt a weight lift off of her shoulders, even though he complained as they pulled apart. This was fine though. She knew how to handle this, sort of. So that was good, and she was happy for it. Steadier territory.

The redhead couldn't help but snort in derision when Fionn mockingly threatened to make sure she couldn't tell anyone. "Who could I even tell? I don't have any--" Well, she didn't need to share that much, did she. That was probably going to sound strange. He laughed and she smiled back, her chest warm. Doubly so when he picked up the handerkerchief, long forgotten with everything else. Even laughed a little, being called wicked--it was certainly a change from "Matron". Aurelie thought it should have stung, just a little, considering it came attached to an accusation that she'd come to make him cry. It didn't.

While he spoke, the young woman wriggled her way off of the desk where she was still sitting, careful not to catch her skirts on anything on her way down. She had just landed on her feet when Fionn asked her the question she'd been wondering herself--why had she come? For a moment she didn't answer, squaring and unsquaring objects on the desk nearest her hands. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about it, it was just... she hadn't really expected him to ask. She squirmed nervously. When she spoke, her speech was slow and she couldn't quite look him in the eye.

"T-to be totally honest? I don't... I don't know. I, er--it's not that I wasn't irritated, when we first met. Sorry," she added swiftly, apology naturally falling from her mouth. "It--I wasn't my best myself. Actually... No, that isn't true. That was me at my best, I think. I'm, er." She shrugged, not knowing what else to say. To claim that Fionn had been the one at fault when they met would be unfair and untrue--she had let her stiff skittishness take over and run her mouth. She trailed off again, taking a chance to consider how honest she was going to be. How honest she could stand to be.

The honest truth was just that she found him interesting, and that when she cracked some dumb joke he laughed and didn't make her feel foolish for having tried. Maybe it was just because he didn't know her well at all yet--that was assuredly part of it, for everyone who had known her for any length of time didn't seem to like or loathe her much at all. She was neutrally pleasant to most people, as far as she knew. The other, more embarrassing truth, was that she thought he was awfully attractive and he was very charming when he had half a mind to be kind; even thinking it made her feel like some kind of halfwit. That one she was... almost assuredly not going to tell him. Ever. That was a secret she could safely carry to her grave.

She had to say something else though. Something sensible, and normal, and not wildly embarrassing.

"I think you're attr--er, that is, charm--funny--ah... interesting?" Nailed it. Very smooth. "Oh bells and chimes! I just like your company, and you have to realize you've been kinder to me than irritating." Oh sweet merciful Lady, there she went again. With a groan, Aurelie dropped her face into her hands. How was it that every time she had to answer a simple question, she said something terrible? She made another distressed sort of squeaking noise, then lifted her face back out of her hands to return Fionn's gaze.

"I don't make a lot of--decisions, but this was--I'm glad, er, that I came and... well. All of it. Even if I had to skip out of wooooohno, my shift! How long have I been here?" The blood drained out of her face and Aurelie felt faint. In the haze of her desire to be closer to Fionn, she had wanted to stay--but she truly had no idea how long she'd done so, or how she was going to explain this to anyone. What had seemed like a very, very good idea before was now one that she was certain would lead to punishment. It wasn't that she regretted it--not a bit. Getting in trouble had just felt so much more distant before. Faced with the immediacy of it, she found herself with a great deal less bravado than she'd felt before.

[Fionn]

Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office

.

Fionn didn’t really know what she was going to say. Okay, he admitted that he might have had an inkling about something when she appeared with the handkerchief and presented it to him as a gift because well… they weren’t friends and they were hardly acquaintances and he didn’t think that he’d express a particular interest in her. Then again, the young man had frequently found himself engaged in rather enjoyable liaisons after he’d thought he’d expressed no real interest. Not that he hadn’t been interested - he certainly had been - but it was funny to know that other people realised it, almost as if they could read his mind. As far as Fionn knew, he couldn’t do this flirting thing that he’d heard tell of but they all seemed to know anyway!

The boy hadn’t flirted with Aurelie but he had definitely been interested. Admittedly, he had called her pretty on first meeting her but that was different, he’d been talking about art - her aesthetic appearance being pleasing - and she had surely understood that. It wasn’t as if he’d invited attraction so while the gift had indicated some attraction on her part, it didn’t mean anything. After all, if she’d come here with the express intent of garnering his affection, it would have been a risk that opened her up to serious embarrassment. Not that that had been a real risk with the teenager.

Still, it was one thing to speculate and ponder if she’d come here with the intention of seeking friendship or something more. The youth was very good at speculating, for all the good it did him and while he could suspect whatever he liked, it was so much easier just to get her to tell him straight.

When she admitted that she had found him irritating, Fionn nodded along in understanding, gaining an odd satisfaction from hearing her say it. Yes, he had been extremely irritating, hadn’t he? It hadn’t been a favourable first impression but it had been representative, he thought. He could be quite an ersehole, especially when it came to fulfilling his own selfish desires. The lad had felt as if he was well within his rights to be drawing in the canteen and he’d thought that she was well out of line. He certainly hadn’t bumped his elbow into her on purpose but it had been the only real harm he’d done before she spoke to him. He’d certainly heaped harm on top of it with the rest of the encounter including - he remembered now, face growing hot - an accidental comment about getting her out of her dress.

Wait… had that been flirting because-

No, that had just been embarrassing, entirely unintentional and he hadn’t meant it like that.

I wouldn’t mind meaning it now though, he thought, resisting the inclination to look her up and down now that she was off the desk. He had to look down a bit anyway so it’d be very easy to just-

Clocking behave yourself! he chided himself, subtly fanning himself with his collar and being able to hide it under the pretence or straightening it before he buttoned it up. It gave him something to focus on, peering down while his fingers worked, the top button left loose because Circle’s sake, he didn’t need to choke himself.

Then the servant blurted things she obviously hadn’t meant to, tripping over herself to correct her error and he was very glad that he’d managed to do up the buttons already so that she wouldn’t have to see how shaky his hands were now. He tucked them away in his pockets, trying to lick his lips although his mouth was suddenly dry.

Attractive, charming and funny! Well!

The youth tried not to beam, both delighted and embarrassed by the slip. He settled for laughing lightly, hoping that would somehow obscure the pleasure that was trying to shine out of his features. To his mortification, the sound that came out sounded more like a giggle. He was ashamed for have heard such a noise from his own lips and yet he was all too ready to do it again.

The notion that he was attractive wasn’t a novel one to the teenager, due to his vain self-inspections and the interest he’d received over the years. He’d had plenty of comments murmured in his ears in the heat of the moment and he’d openly been referred to as a ‘pretty boy’ often enough, but her voice was neither sneering nor lust-filled. Besides, there were other words there too, words that signified that it was more than his body to which she was attracted. Although that attraction was definitely there from the way she’d acted when they kissed. No, this was something else.

He’d had snide remarks levelled at him about being a charmer or thinking himself funny but she meant those things and it was strange to realise that when she’d said before that she liked him, Aura had actually meant that she liked.

That shouldn’t be such a revelation but it honestly was.

He didn’t know what he was meant to do in response. He should say something significant, detract from her own embarrassment by responding in kind, showing that they were the same.

”If you say so!” he responded, coming close to smacking himself in the face for being a total plonker but settling for the mental feeling instead. ”I mean… you’re pretty all right yourself.”

Ah for the love of the fucking Lady!

His gaze found the ceiling, wondering if the Goddess might smite him before he said anything else really clocking dumb. The smiting from on high didn’t occur and there was no divine inspiration either, so he just kept looking up, trying to line up some sensible words in his head and biting his lip so that more stupid ones wouldn’t escape in the meantime.

His companion was still talking and maybe there was one of the Circle looking on because her panic was perfectly timed and unfortunately wished for. Fionn hadn’t wanted her distressed, just something to end his own embarrassment. It worked of course but embarrassment would have been better for Aura’s sake.

”Okay, you’re going now. Right now!” the middle Madden ordered, stepping forward to grab her shoulders lightly but firmly to steer her towards the door. ”You can say that uh… that you- Where’s your shift right now?” he questioned, pausing in his brainstorm of excuses until he had more information.

”We need to work a golly in somewhere. We aren’t meant to say no to them after all and it’s not as if anyone will ask them...”

[Aurelie Steerpike]

"Where am I--? Oh ticks, I should be in the kitchens for the formal hall, helping with prep work for supper... I slipped away when we were putting away this morning's deliveries. I don't know--I'm a terrible liar, you know. Oh chimes...!" For a moment Aurelie had forgotten where, exactly, she was supposed to be. Though, she thought desperately, she had no clue even what house they were in currently, having not looked at a clock this entire time. Her eyes had been rather more occupied with other things, which she felt was somewhat reasonable but did mean she had to cast about in her mind to gather her bearings.

Aurelie let Fionn push her towards the door, too distressed to make her own feet move properly but not wanting to break into a panicked run. Just because she had trouble waiting for her when she tried to slip back into the kitchen didn't mean she needed to attract it her whole way over by running through Brunnhold's hallowed halls like an escaped moa. Aurelie's hands fluttered uselessly between her side and her face, wanting to bite her nails but not wanting to indulge in the habit. As they neared the doorway, she suddenly stopped and turned slightly, a new kind of anxiety on her face.

"It really--I'm--I work in the kitchens usually, one or the other of them, so if you really..." Aurelie blushed again for what felt like the millionth time. She hadn't realized she could turn so red. Wonders never ceased. "I mean, if you... needed to find me... I'm usually there. Er. Hmm." She bit her lip but smiled--a small smile, around a face mostly full of dread, but it was real and it was there. She would leave as soon as they'd thought of a suitable excuse, scuttling back to her work as quickly as she dared, but before left she wanted to... confirm. To carry even such a small promise back with her as "I will be there, if you want me to be".

[Fionn]

Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office

.

She was terribly flustered -- understandably so -- but he couldn’t help being amused by her. There was preoccupation in her features, mouth a worried twist and all framed by a spectacular rosiness, all wonderfully becoming on her. He was tempted to set hands on either side of her face to coax it upwards so he could kiss it but he focused on steering her instead, the young woman managing a brave little smile in the midst of her alarm as she explained where he could find her if he was seeking her. He liked that idea, he liked it a lot but he didn’t want to fall foul of any of their overseers again. Besides, the boy enjoyed working in the kitchens when he had the chance and he didn’t want to end up banned.

It’d be nice to see her face though, even if it was from across a room.

He’d wanted to take her face before and kiss it. So he simply did it, feeling the warm flush of her skin against his palms and the tickle of her fringe against his lips as he placed them against her forehead. He drew back but he’d leave his hands where they were unless she protested. One side of his mouth tilted up as he looked down at her fondly.

”I didn’t know that you’re a terrible liar but I probably should have guessed,” Fionn chuckled. ”Plenty to learn about you but… you are responsible and I think if you had been pulled away by a galdor then you’d want to get straight back to work. So… go to the kitchens and find something to throw yourself into as soon as you get there. Try… not to act guilty. While it’s quite an enchanting look, you should try not to look like a frightened little hingle like you did when that Matron surprised us.”

There! A compliment! Uh… sort of? He’d said that she looked enchanting when she was startled and frightened, which… probably wasn’t actually that complimentary after all but the intent was good and he thought -- he hoped -- that she’d take it as he’d intended. Honestly, it was more important that he alter her current expression, not caring if he amused her or if he irritated her so long as he distracted her. It couldn’t be good to keep worrying away like that, definitely better if she could calm down a bit first.

“Look, you’ll get through this, okay? I’ll tell you a secret of lying: try not to do it,” he told her, laughing as he tucked hair behind her ear, smoothing it in place before he shoved his hands in his pockets again, leaning casually against the doorframe. ”See, you tell the truth as much as possible but uh… you either don’t tell the whole truth or you don’t tell it in order so then it’s not really lying, you see? Leave out details. So…”

The youth paused, humming softly to himself as he considered. He puffed out his lips, twisting them this way and that. He withdrew a hand so that he could count points off on his fingers.

”Okay so… you don’t have to say why you left the kitchens. If you’re confronted, you’ll just get asked where you were. You say that a galdor talked to you -- Miss Madden, if you’re asked -- and you had to do what she said. That’s all true. You did talk to my sister and when she asked you to come in here well… it was really more of an order, wasn’t it? So obeying galdor-”

He held up his pointer finger for one.

“-who works for Professor Moore-”

His middle finger went up for two.

“-and you aren’t supposed to talk about it.”

He held up his ring finger for three and grinned, evidently quite pleased with himself. “If you get pressed on it then well… say it’s supposed to be a secret and you might get in trouble if talk about it. Better yet, you can even say that she’d be disappointed if she found out -- they don’t have to know that she’d be disappointed about what you did rather than that you spoke about something. But it’s all true really. What we did here is meant to be a secret and talking about it could get you into trouble. You can even say that you might be helping Moore in the lab but the key is not to say too much. Don’t offer all the information, just answering questions and… you can look frightened, I guess or at least worried. You’re meant to be a good girl so you’re going to be worried about being seen to do something wrong.”

His expression twisted into something apologetic. “Sorry, I don’t mean to- ‘Good girl’ is really patronising but I don’t mean it like that. You understand what I’m saying though. But yes, all you have to do, my dear Aurelie, is tell the truth.”

He grinned anew, lips stretched wide before he planted another quick kiss on her, lips pressing against her cheek this time, remaining close this time as he simply hovered.

“Can you do that?” he whispered.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Oh!

Fionn's hands on her face had the intended effect--whatever Aurelie had been thinking about, that train was utterly derailed. The kiss destroyed the tracks as well, leaving no evidence behind. What replaced it instead was, perhaps, no more effective, but it was certainly different and that counted for something. She resisted the urge to put her hand to her forehead. "Enchanting"? Her skin buzzed as much from the tilt of his mouth as the gesture and the compliment. Oh, this was terrible. She really was besotted. This didn't bode well, surely. Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to care.

She tried terribly hard to pay attention to what he was saying. Aurelie really was a very bad liar, but she thought--well, this was true, all of this wasn't a lie. It just didn't go together quite as one might think. This sort of lying she thought she could accomplish, especially if she were to try while, say, chopping a carrot or scaling a fish. Yes, that was just what she would do--blame it on Niamh and Professor Moore. Nobody would ever ask them about it, surely.

"You don't have to apologize," she replied, because it was true. Though she carefully tried to memorize what she should say, it was likely she wouldn't get questioned too closely. She simple wasn't interesting enough to have been doing anything scandalous. That plan was perfect, she would just say all of that and--

--And then he kissed her, again, on the cheek this time, and whispered while he was close enough to her face that she could feel his voice as much as hear it. This time she couldn't stop herself; a wondering hand came to her cheek as she nodded. Perhaps a little too vigorously. No, she couldn't stay so close to his face when he was smiling at her like that, or she'd never be able to leave. Aurelie drew back, edging out the door. Her face must have looked absolutely daft; she could feel some sort of foolish smile work its way across her features.

"I--oh, uhm. Thank you. For--the help and, er. I'll... see you later." A little thrill sang through her. Yes, she would. If she had to sneak away again, if she had to learn to be trickier than she was, then that's what she would do. But she would make it work. With a little wave and what she hoped to the Circle wasn't the most absurd giggle she'd ever heard, Aurelie Steerpike left the office to return to her work. And she waited until she had turned a corner and was out of sight before she broke into a little run, just for a moment.

[Fionn]

Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office

.

She’d been listening to him with a sort of glazed expression, he realised. That was fair enough, he supposed; what he’d explained had probably been too much to take in at once and now she was overwhelmed. She came back to herself a little when he apologised, the young man looking quite sheepish in spite of how well she took it — he really hadn’t meant it to sound like that — but glad that she hadn’t taken any offence nonetheless. But it was good, he thought it would work and she didn’t seem to be panicking anymore so it was all working out well really.

And then he kissed her, such a chaste and innocent gesture and he couldn’t withhold a chuckle and a still broader grin at her expression; her eyes looked ready to pop out of her head.

He hadn’t expected her to react like that, hadn’t expected her to be so blown away by the simplistic gesture after what they’d been doing not so long ago. She hadn’t seemed quite so struck before when their lips had been touching or when his mouth was against her neck. It was an incredibly endearing gesture, something almost child-like about the wondering way she touched her cheek as if she couldn’t believe that he’d kissed it. It was ridiculous but adorable and while he had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing, it did nothing to curtail his smile.

Then she inched away, a foolish bright smile breaking across her features and he couldn’t stop himself from chuckling, the delight she showed clearly contagious. Fionn didn’t think he could have stopped himself if he’d tried. He was still brimming with delight when she giggled — such a delicious sound — and all but darted out the door.

Although he shouldn’t have done so given that anyone could have been looking on, the teenager stuck his head out the door, darting a quick glance up and down the corridor to ensure that no one was there before turning his attention to the servant girl’s retreating back. There was a lightness to her step, a jovial air to her — unless he was simply projecting his own mood — and there was a happy little flutter in his chest as he watched her, smiling to himself, albeit sadder than before now that her nexus had receded. Once she turned the corner and vanished from sight, he stepped back into the office, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it.

It was Fionn’s turn to giggle now, pressing his hand to his mouth, almost stoppering it with his fist as he found himself laughing uncontrollably, maniacally.

He’d kissed a girl. He’d managed to find a girl willing to kiss him in spite of the threat of sanction, one with a genuine interest in him. And it had been different — so much the same, yes — and not quite like the men he’d kissed. It wasn’t better necessarily but it had definitely been new. It had been new and special and his — a first. There weren’t many firsts for the young passive these days, hadn’t been any for quite awhile although perhaps Aurelie counted for more than one. She was the first girl he’d had some interest in beyond simple ogling. The first person who he’d properly stood up for in front of the overseers in- well, maybe not ever but certainly not in years.

Not that Lars wasn’t special to him — the Hessean was quite dear to his heart — but this situation was different, the two were incomparable. He loved Lars. It was a descriptor that he used tentatively, nervously because he didn’t think he’d been in love before, didn’t rightly know what it was like, but if he was in love, he thought that this was what it might feel like. It was why he’d found new things that he could hurt him with, new things that he had to protect him from, and so he’d been distancing himself more and more.

That was hard, not to mention frightening and maybe that was why he’d sought out Aura but he did like her. He knew the signs, he couldn’t miss them now and while he didn’t love her as he did Lars, he still had that seed of caring and it was real and undeniable. Real and lovely, warming his chest when he thought of her smile, her giggle, the way she looked when she was thinking, the many ways that she emoted that Lars didn’t. So expressive. So vibrant and far less broken than he or the Hessean were.

The blond’s smile somehow remained although there was an ache in his chest, hand hovering over his thundering heart, still exhilarated from when she’d been here not so long ago. Already he questioned when he’d see her again, when he get the chance. He knew he had to see her again but he also wondered…

Would he have to keep away from Aurelie to protect her too?

For now, he had windows to wash, he needed to return to Vita. But first, he needed to sit down until the dizzy energy in his body dissipated and he could stand on the sills without risking falling on his erse, or worse, falling and breaking his neck.