Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office
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Splintering, that’s what was happening to him. He was splintering inside.
He’d shown his fist, bearing the truest mark of his monstrosity and she had flinched. As if he was going to hit her. Fionn wouldn’t have- It hadn’t been a threat, he never would have- That flinch alone hurt so much, agonising. Did that mean that she was afraid of him now or just that she’d seen him as something dangerous?
He was dangerous and maybe she should be afraid of him. Not that he blew up these days, not that things made him snap… like that anymore. He liked to think that he didn’t miss that way of life but in truth, he didn’t know. Even now, the young man didn’t know if he wanted to hurt someone as he tried and failed to deal with his own emotions, drowning in them.
Fionn didn’t even know if he was going to cry. Everything was just a jumble, one thing bleeding into another. Honestly, he only had one negative emotion in truth or he might as well - they all felt the same way and often presented in similar fashions. He had been known to cry and scream and hit all at the same time, multiple faces for the same thing.
He was probably going to start crying.
Her free moved to grab at his own, Fionn turning towards her slightly, dumbly allowing her to take it. He released a shaky sigh as she took it, eyelids fluttering shut as she laid his knuckles against her cheek.
Warm. Soft. Fragile.
But she’d flinched before, reacting to those scars and the violence that they represented. Aurelie had looked at them, had known what they meant and yet now she let them rest against her delicate cheek that he could so easily turn to pulp. Not that he would but… the woman didn’t know that. There was acceptance there and a new tremor went through his hand because of it, continuing even as she let it drop. His head drooped but he opened his eyes as she spoke.
"You are not an aberration," she told him, and her tone was surprisingly… assertive. The blond wanted to believe her because something in her voice told him that he wasn’t meant to think further on the matter, wasn’t meant to try to peer around the edges. The teenager didn’t argue, the glitter in her eyes telling him not to do so.
Clock the Circle, he’d upset her. He hadn’t meant to- Was she actually getting upset on his behalf? That notion made his heart ache, Fionn finding that he was almost too absorbed in her pain shining out of her eyes to notice his own. Except that she was merely a reflection of his agony, unless they were a reflection of each other, unclear where one’s pain ended and the other’s began. Whatever she was trying to stutter, it wasn’t far removed from what he himself felt, maybe what every passive in this godsforsaken felt.
Every one of them hurt.
He shifted back to his previous position, facing outwards into the room instead of nearly facing her and considered her offer, feeling it sitting heavily on his shoulders.
”You don’t know what you’re asking me to share, Aura. I… I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to talk about it with you. Not with anyone. I don’t know if I ever will,” he confided, chewing on the inside of his cheek. It wasn’t personal, it wasn’t her that put him off, there were just so many things that Fionn had inside him, so many secrets and he hadn’t told them to anybody. Maybe he’d never tell anyone and he’d never shared it all, never properly, never fully, only tiny snippets in the vaguest terms. Devlin knew some things, simply because he’d assessed the boy’s injuries and therefore he knew things that had gone unvoiced.
”There are things that… I wouldn’t tell anyone - I haven’t - and I don’t… want to talk about them now. I… I appreciate it though. Usually people don’t- We don’t ask each other about… anything. It’s better to pretend that you’re alone sometimes or that… you’re the only one who matters. I’m probably not a good listener though. I’m all mouth,” he joked weakly, his smile a wan one.
The youth turned back to her again, the hand that she’d so recently released moving to where their hands joined. He ran a finger over her skin before shifting his focus to where they were intertwined, separating them. His hands came together briefly in his lap, head turned away as his gaze flicked across the half-cleaned windows, the supplies that he’d used. Then he turned his attention back to her, more intent, his eyes shining with tears as he set hands on her shoulders. If Aura didn’t shrug him off then he would embrace her, arms thrown around her, fingers knitting together behind her back while he placed his chin on her left shoulder, face tilted so that it was partially pressed against her hair.
Fionn’s breath hitched again, creating a violent vibration in his chest but he didn’t start to sob, even though a few silent tears spilled over and slid down his cheeks.
”I hope… I hope you haven’t been h-hurt as much as me. I wouldn’t want you to have been- I wouldn’t want anyone to suffer like that but… you’re too sweet, too lovely. It should be a crime to damage someone so- Gollies have n-n-no fucking idea. No fucking idea what they do to us but I’m g-g-glad that there’s someone as lovely as you here. I don’t… I don’t deserve you to b-be so kind to me. So lovely. So sweet” he whispered, voice thicker. He'd swipe hurriedly at his tears, almost trying to hide them.
Maybe he needed that handkerchief after all...
A bit embarrassed, he tried to draw back, pausing and then pressed a swift and gentle kiss to her cheek, hovering there uncertainly even after his lips broke contact with her skin. He wasn't in the humour to start snogging her again, that wasn't what this was. The youth just felt that it was something he needed.