Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes’ Office
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Reluctance. It was why he moved oh so slowly in his retreat really. He could tell himself that he didn’t want to frighten her, that he didn’t want to be this close, didn’t want to leave his hand on her face but it was all lies. ‘Didn’t want’ really meant ‘shouldn’t’ and he knew that damn well. Just as he knew that he didn’t normally get this close to another unless something was going to happen. It was difficult not to imagine something happening when you were that close that your breath was already mingling for a degree, sharing the same air, the same space, your skin tingling with proximity. Did he feel the nearness more intently now that he could feel nexi or bad he always felt this and put it down to something else like a charge in the air? But it was unmistakable now, the non-fields overlapping and mingling, his sense of Aurelie far stronger, far more intense. He couldn’t not notice her. Oh he could look away but there was no way to escape her face, sure to be all too visible even from the corner of his eye. Even if he closed his eyes, he wouldn’t be able to get away from the presence of her, her nexus imprinting details on him, the familiarity of it soaking into him.
Maybe it wasn’t just his own desires and interests that made him reluctant to draw back but that look in her eyes. Her own gaze was surprisingly intense, green eyes huge, her pupils large dark pools within them. The focus of her gaze was hardly discernible, that subtle downwards twitch while he was talking could easily have been his imagination but if he wasn’t mistaken, she was looking at his mouth. And now that Fionn has finished his little beratement, he was all too aware of her own, the way they parted all the more appealing, lips so much redder than most of the men to which he’d been this near. They were fuller as well, a plumpness to them that just made them all the more-
When she was looking at him like that, how could he draw away? His conscience told him that he should, some ounce of good judgment within knew better than to allow himself to be so tempted. But even so, the teenager was searching for some implicit permission, some unspoken consent that yes, he could lean closer and yes, he could indulge his long held curiosity about how it felt to kiss a woman. In theory, it shouldn’t be but there was more than a little of him that wondered if it was different. He’d long wondered as he gazed at full pink mouths moving as they spoke to one another, when those lips pulled up into a smile.
But he did pull away, achingly slowly, his fingers the most reluctant to move and abandon their claim on her face. His hand moved away from her chin, moving a little up her jawline before wiithdrawing, leaving her skin but hovering above it instead of bringing it towards him in case… in case...
His desires had long made him impulsive, seeking gratification where it could be found, snatching moments and opportunities with a desperate eagerness and never thinking of the consequences. There were no such things as consequences in a moment. There was no past or future, only the present. How you got there wasn’t relevant because you’d already arrived, it had no bearing on the here and now as possibility shimmered between two people like this. The future didn’t come, would never come because to hell with the future. If it wasn’t here right now then it had no right to interfere in the present, weighing you down with doubts and uncertainties and questions. And those things could be ignored, slamming a door down on that part of your brain so that it wouldn’t interfere while you allowed yourself to do whatever it was you wanted because you could just regret it later.
There was a reason why Fionn got himself into so much trouble.
But she was moving closer and it made him pause, a small quizzical cock of the head as he confirmed it - she was still moving while he wasn’t. There was a charged moment where doubt flickered through him, a sensible part of him shaking its head: No, don’t. But if she was leaning closer then she was fine with this, right? If she didn’t then she’d be pulling away too.
His fingertips touched her jawbone, tentative and cautious before the decision clicked, anticipation giving way to a surge of adrenaline, rushing through his veins so that thought was slammed into the background and instinct took over. Fingers moved over her cheek, hand cradling the side of her face as he narrowed the gap, turning his head more to the side so he wouldn’t bump noses as he attempted to join their lips, eyes drifting shut.
Assuming she didn’t pull away then she’d discover that Fionn was gentle, surprisingly so as so many others had found. His mouth was only hungry, his kisses greedy when he knew the other, wildness only flooding him when he knew that the interest was firmly reciprocated but he wasn’t certain now and so his lips would be lightly pressed against hers, slow and careful while his blood sang and urged him forward. The young man did have restraint though, enough of his instincts drowned out so that he wasn’t forceful, didn’t drag her to him as he’d done with more enthusiastic partners. Fionn had never considered that it was something he was good at - kissing - but it was something he’d done a great deal. It was something he’d done plenty of times with those who could be classed as friends too; the middle Madden had kissed every friend and ally and enemy that he’d ever had in Brunnhold.
Provided Aurelie didn’t draw back then he’d do so after a few seconds, barely breaking contact so that his lips hovered a fraction of an inch from her own, inviting her to chase his mouth if she wanted more and ready to draw further back if she didn’t, considering the permission - or what he’d taken for permission - withdrawn.