Loshis 39, 2719 | Midday
Professor Keyes' Office
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She’d been awkward and uncomfortable so he’d added his own versions to the mix. They were the same! Except that he probably sounded worse. Here he was with all his apparent experience and confidence reduced to a stuttering mess. It happened. He’d gotten so much better at hiding it, that awkward boy who lived beneath the surface with his false layers that had taken years to construct and which had become so indiscernible from what was real. He wasn’t even certain anymore, what was at the core of him but he felt that it was relatively small, seeped in bitterness and pain, and with an incredibly soft, fragile heart at the centre of it all that had been crushed more than once but somehow still limped along. And yet that part of him lived in there as well, the bit that was strange and stupid. The bit that left him feeling as if something in him had been knocked out of proper alignment so that he could hardly cope and his mouth and tongue moved at odds with the words in his head - assuming that they hadn’t become an incoherent jumble in his thoughts. If he pushed against it then the problem only worsened, incapable of voicing anything and struggling not to choke himself on his own tongue. The thing was not to panic, to take slow deep breaths and stop trying for a few moments in the hope that things would unravel themselves.
Fionn hadn’t always been able to do that and he wasn’t sure that he could do it now, but he tried it, breathing excited as the strain of the effort showed. If it didn’t resolve then he was probably going to cry - or scream - the frustration of it too much to bear, although he hadn’t screamed out his frustrations since he’d been quite small.
It was hard not to try to explain while thoughts raced on in his head at an alarming speed and Aura gazed at him as if…
As if she didn’t understand who she was looking at. Possibly she was having a hard time reconciling what she’d seen before with what he was now, the helpless stuttering mess. Over such a small thing, such a simple thing. He didn’t have any swagger to swing around, no nonchalance that he could wield as he so often did with a shrug. It would have been easier to go back to kissing her, just move her to a suitable position and resume. But Aurelie wasn’t a doll and he wasn’t going to manoeuvre her as he saw fit; she was no plaything but a person.
There was a moment where a wild thought that she was going to laugh at him flashed through his mind and still his lips remained glued shut, almost bloodless from how tightly they were pressed and yet it did nothing to hide their tremble.
The young woman didn’t laugh though, her hand coming to rest on his, callouses rubbing gently against the taut skin of his hand, his death grip on the desk’s edge loosening as she settled on top of it. His lips released, parting slightly with a quiet sigh that spilled hot breath over her thumb as she moved it over the rapidly reddening flesh as the blood returned. After such a hard press, he was inclined to lick them but he refrained while her thumb was there, not sure what she was doing and not wanting to disturb her. There was wonder in her green eyes and Fionn wondered if his own gaze mirrored it. He couldn’t understand what she was doing or the why of it. He held his breath, frozen in place as those questing fingers found his other hand, still locked in blond strands.
She offered agreement- no, more than that, an assent that was almost eagerly given. This wasn’t being said simply to calm him or to please him and while she was clearly nervous, she wasn’t reluctant or unsure. Her smile cracked some of the tension, a quiet high humming sound escaping his lips, a noise that might have counted as a laugh but at least an octave higher than was normal for him. The corners of his mouth twitched, stiff as if frozen and it was almost pained. Maybe it should have set him at ease but her words made him nervous instead, the only bit that felt truly understandable the bit about this being hard; it was certainly that.
The rest of her speech was no less strange to him, no less unfamiliar but there was a widening of his eyes, incredulous wonder in his gaze. Liking him, that wasn’t new, he’d had plenty of people like him and usually more than he wanted but as for pleasing him? No, that was- He wasn’t difficult to please - he didn’t think any man was - but it was something that tended to happen incidentally, the natural course of events leading to that conclusion - provided that he was lucky, of course. It was Fionn who enjoyed pleasuring others, who had had to learn to gain satisfaction from such things, even when he himself might feel disappointed or empty or miserable. Or unclean in a way that vigorously scrubbing in the bath wouldn’t fix. No, people tended to be selfish, more concerned about what they could do for themselves, making the most of things for their benefit.
Usually, anyway.
Do things that he liked though? And tell her? How could he tell her without sounding ridiculous or as if he wanted her to do all of them now? Some of them definitely crossed a line he was not going to go over today and others were too close to it to his own comfort. Yet there was something eager inside him, anticipation setting off explosions inside him so that he felt unsteady, thrown off kilter and yet ludicrously excited at the idea of what might occur if he could just get his thoughts to come out of his head in a coherent manner.
Maybe it wasn’t that strange. She’d enjoyed what he’d done and wanted to repay him in kind. Quid pro quo. It was just- It wasn’t as if no one had ever- How many had actually volunteered though without him having to lead them along? How many had done it because they wanted to rather than out of some strange sense of duty?
Lump wobbling unsteadily in his throat as he swallowed, he moved his hand from the desk. He’d already untucked his shirt while he was working but she hesitated despite the ease of access, seeking permission so he gave it to her, clearly but silently as he touched her hand and guided it beneath the hem. Fingers brushed the side of his abdomen, the hardened, roughened skin that she bore creating a pleasing friction as their lips joined slowly, sweetly and he shivered subtly.
His heart was a caged bird, smacking back and forth within his ribcage as he tried not to pant. He couldn’t ignore her skin against his own, contrasting textures. It’d be so easy for her to move lower, not far beneath the band of his trousers to slide fingers l teasingly over the jutting hip bones, ghosting over the surface in a way that would have him shuddering. It was a gesture that had always been like a promise, stirring him in expectation.
Fionn wasn’t going to tell her about that one, especially as if she went there, he wasn’t sure that he could stop himself from guiding her lower or maybe she’d go there of her own accord and he’d have a bloody hard time controlling himself then. So no, she wasn’t getting anywhere near his trousers, for his own sanity and the middle Madden would be sure to swat her away if she tried.
One tender kiss while his head spun and then she was moving to the right side of his neck - thankfully not the left so he didn’t have to deal with her discovering the impression of teeth - and his fingers were fumbling at buttons, struggling to grant her further access. He managed it though, suddenly at a loss of what to do with his hands, understanding how she’d felt, and unsure where he could put them. He settled for the small of her back, tracing slow circles with his thumbs through the fabric of her dress.
”Yes...” he groaned, voice containing the edge of a whimper before he sighed her name.
