[Closed] Best of Intentions (Aura)

[Niamh Madden]

Hamis 10, Midday
Kitchens, Brunnhold

.

Niamh had better things to be worrying about than the source of her brother’s little infatuation. Not that she wasn't worrying about a whole bunch of other things at once as well because if the eldest Madden didn’t have a stable full of preoccupations that could bother her thoughts then- Well, it had never happened actually, not that she could remember; there was always something to turn over in her mind. No concern of hers ever held the stage alone although oftentimes one could be the one at the centre, holding pride and place as her chief concern.

So the young woman was thinking about Dorhaven although she didn’t like to think about the bombing because of all the senseless death and destruction, the talk of the Resistance and the thought of all those poor, poor families with their lives torn apart - not that there were that many to mourn such things from what she understood. It was dreadfully distressing and there was a definite sombre air in the university, least of all because things involving the Resistance spelled trouble for the galdori, even if some deemed it as little more than a nuisance. Thoughts of what had happened were there although Niamh did her utmost to keep them buried, dwelling on the matter making her want to cry. It kept simmering away in the background though, wearing away at her.

She worried about her engagement and how if she was going to make her move, she’d have to do it before graduation or else she was certain that her father would entrap her at home, sure that if she had no reason to go outside then she could while away the intervening days between her graduation and Caleb’s own learning how to be a good, obedient wife. There was no way in hell, no way in the names of every deity in the Circle that she was going to marry Caleb Darcy! But the young man didn’t seem to realise that or else was unwilling to accept that she might not want him. Other women were interested in him, some shooting envious or even contemptuous looks her way when they were in a gaggle in his vicinity. To their minds, Niamh wasn’t anything special and that she should have inflamed his passions so and have the cheek to be utterly disinterested seemed to piss them off. It wasn’t just looks she’d caught but whispers too so she knew what they said about her, Mr Darcy’s jealous admirers. She was inclined to agree with them on one matter — she was nothing special. That he was so obsessive about her was beyond comprehension, the man actually seeming possessive of her.

She wondered if it was her coolness towards him when they’d been near each other — he was one of Oísin’s little pals — that had so enamoured him in the first place. The youth definitely had an ego big enough to support his need to break something in her, make her burn for him and then he’d probably be happy to ignore her. That wasn’t going to happen though and so his interest was still there and she was left to worry and be irritated with the entire situation. One more reason to regard her impending graduation with approaching dread, the months between then and now not seeming all that long. And hanging over it all was indecision and Harper. Harper who was a source of worry and doubt, but also one of the true joys in her life. She had no idea what to do about the professor. She couldn’t expect him to- It wasn’t like he actually wanted some deluded schoolgirl-

No, today wasn’t the day to worry about Harper Moore. The student could concern herself with his research and the passives who helped them along with it. Which was going to include Aurelie Steerpike apparently. It was Aurelie who had risen to the top of the redhead’s mind as the day’s chief concern. A pressing concern and one that needed to be addressed with greater immediacy because of Fionn.

The passive girl had shown up at Keyes’ office all flustered and bearing what had looked like a handkerchief and her brother had also become flustered and shy, more irritable with Niamh as a result as if she was intruding. In many ways, she supposed that she had although that hadn’t been her intention. Still, she’d felt somewhat… sorry for them both. Passives should be allowed to be friends with each other, even if they were of opposing sexes. The only problem was that she wasn’t certain that friendship was what was going on. Well, it had seemed more like friendship, a nervous, uncertain thing that Niamh could relate to quite well — she could be so very awkward with other people. So she had left them but she had worried afterwards.

The Living Conversationalist thought that she might have been correct to worry. Whatever had happened — really happened — it had had an effect on Fionn. An effect that made him extremely waspish when she tried to pry afterwards when he came down to the lab. Her gently probing questions had made him snap that no, he hadn’t had sex with her if that was what she wanted to know. It wasn’t. Not really although she had had all sorts of thoughts flashing through her mind up to that point, namely because the things that her brother came out with, the things that were crass and thrown out to shock weren’t exactly born out of inexperience.

But she’d fielded his grumpiness, managing to get him to admit rather grudgingly that she’d come to repay a kindness and that they had talked, Aurelie being informed about Harper’s work and expressing interest from what her brother said. He’d muttered something about finding her in the Kitchens if she wanted to secure her cooperation because — as he snapped out — he wasn’t actually meant to interact with her.

However, the galdor had kept an eye on him, lips kept carefully sealed so that she wouldn’t raise his ire — or his suspicions — as she observed him, as she had done every day since. While he suggested that the encounter had been innocent, Niamh couldn’t help seeing the creaminess about him, the distraction. Furthermore, he had let things about her slip out, casual comments about innocent things but he also seemed to have some awareness that he was doing it and would stop himself. It reminded her of how he’d spoken about Lars, except this time he was more guarded, better aware of himself or of her and so he was being careful on the topic of the Steerpike girl.

Caution and secrecy from Fionn were very concerning because he was usually so open, saying and doing things that he shouldn’t so disinterested in potential consequences. It was maddening and anxiety inducing but it turned out that his silence was worse. Furthermore, it was persisting. She’d seen him the day before and-

Yes, it was a definite problem.

Not that she blamed the girl, no. In truth, she wanted to get to the bottom of things if she could but she also wanted the chance to… vet her. If the servant was going to work with Moore then she wanted to ensure that she was serious and that she wasn’t well… interested for other reasons. Her brother could scheme but the diminutive passive had seemed genuine and far less guileless than Fionn.

So she found herself at the Kitchens, feeling unimaginably nervous to step into the midst of the frantic activity of passives. She’d already tried the other large kitchen but the passive she’d been looking for hadn’t been present and she had no guarantee that she’d be in here either but she had to try.

Stepping through the door, even in a cautious and tentative fashion, caused a noticeable ripple. Galdori probably didn’t come in here often and the appearance of one was obviously noteworthy. It was her field more than the green uniform that caught attention, the feel of it in a space that they thought empty of any presence meant that those who would have been too absorbed in their work to spot her ended up glancing up in shock before their gazes skittered away. Niamh dampened her field, making it smaller and less obtrusive but the damage was already done.

A woman approached her while she was gazing a little helplessly about herself, the passive carrying a certain bearing of competent authority that turned to something more demure as she approached the golly. The woman could only be a Matron, one of the overseers of the passive population. The Matron gave a little bow of the head to show respect.

"Afternoon, ma’am. Can I help you with something?" the passive questioned politely, hands clasped neatly in front of her and resting against her apron.

"I uh… yes! I’m sorry to bother you but I was looking for Aurelie Steerpike. She’s um… small and she does a fair bit of work here as I understand it. She’s got sort of short hair, down to her chin and um…" she trailed off, trying to think of further details.

"Yes, she’s here, ma’am. Would you like me to fetch her?"

”Why yes, please! And if she asks, you can tell her that it’s to do with Professor Moore’s work.”

She saw the flash of incredulity on the woman’s features before she managed to bury it behind impassive features once more. Was it the fact that she’s mentioned Harper’s work or the fact that she’d said about telling her if she asked? In truth, passives tended to be very quiet and they didn’t speak out of turn, especially to their superiors. Unless they were troubled in some way or had never properly adjusted to this way of life, like Fionn. Shocking as it was to believe, apparently he talked back less these days, although she struggled to believe it.

”She may be gone for quite some time but I’ll try to get her back as soon as I can. I know you’re very busy. I’ll uh… I’ll be waiting outside,” Niamh adder timidly, seeing a flash of confusion in green eyes before she did as she said she would, turning away just as the other woman nodded.

Out in the corridor, she clasped her hands before her, trying to project an air of calm, soothing the little ripples in her field. The student was nervous, ridiculously so perhaps but nervous all the same. This meeting felt as if it would be an important one, significant for multiple reasons. For one thing, if the girl was truly interested in helping Harper then it would be wonderful! And perhaps other passives would follow her example and stop believing those ridiculous rumours!

When Aurelie did appear, Niamh smiled a little self-consciously, but she hoped brightly, and smoothed hands over the front of her uniform.

“Hello again, Miss Steerpike — Aurelie. It’s good to see you again. I was wondering would you um… would you accompany me to Laboratory Beta please? I have some things I want to discuss and it’s probably best if we don’t speak out in the hallway. It’s hardly comfortable,” she explained. If the passive agreed then she’d begin leading the way.

The galdor knew that Harper was out of the laboratory — for an unknown length of time — because she’d gotten rid of him. It hadn’t done it on purpose, she’d just chided him because he needed to go outside sometimes, need fresh air and a change of scene from the lab. He couldn’t live in there, keen as he was to try. She’d actually only thought of doing this after she’d convinced the monic theorist to leave so while it hadn’t been purposely planned, his absence was convenient. It meant that she wouldn’t have another reason to make a fool of herself in front of him.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Hamis 10, Midday | Kitchens, Brunnhold

A little over a week. Eleven days. No time at all, really.

Aurelie Steerpike had been trying not to think about it. Trying very hard not to mark off the time or wonder about how much more she had to mark off yet to come, not to wonder if maybe she hadn't gotten ahead of herself after all. The news about the incident at Dorhaven, the facts of which were unclear to her even still, had come too and she didn't know what to do with it. To think of such a thing happening to a town Aurelie had been to, once, in another lifetime--it seemed like a dream, or a nightmare. Dorhaven was out there, beyond the borders of the walled garden of Brunnhold--so she put it out of her mind as best she could.

She had plenty else to focus on, of course. There was work, always work. Sometimes even work she enjoyed, like today, though of course this was rare. And she had tried to focus on her needlework, more embarrassed by the quality of the stitching on the handkerchief she had clumsily gifted to Fionn with each passing day. Improvement was in order. The problem with that was, of course, that her thoughts tended to drift to the actual gifting, and what came after, and then she would start smiling to herself like a fool. It really was dreadful. Someone surely would notice that normally-steady Aurelie Steerpike kept letting things very nearly start to burn; she felt conspicuous in her distraction.

A week was no time at all, but it was plenty of time for Aurelie to start to doubt herself. What had she agreed to, saying she would help Professor Moore? She trusted it wasn't dangerous, trusting Fionn for reasons she didn't understand when she tried to pull them apart, but many things weren't dangerous that she still would rather avoid. Truthfully, she was at least a little curious about the professor's research; Aurelie didn't understand what there might be to study, and that alone caught her curiosity. Her motivations were, of course, largely impure, but she wouldn't have agreed to it solely based on a desire to be around Fionn. At least, she didn't think so--Aurelie tried not to think too hard about that, either. This was all more than she had the expertise to handle. Putting it to the back of her mind seemed more prudent.

These were the things that occupied her mind as she stood in front of her station, chopping great quantities of onions with practiced and mechanical ease. So when a matron came over to her, to tell her she had been requested, Aurelie was torn between nervousness and anticipation. The matron had looked at her a moment too long, Aurelie had felt, after saying that she was needed for research. Or perhaps this was her guilt, making her squirm. She had tried very hard to remember the advice Fionn had given her about lying, and to some degree it worked. She had been slapped across the face by an older woman for being gone so long, and given extra work to do, but both of these things felt almost perfunctory. Truthfully, no one had much asked.

There was chatter now though, sure enough. Aurelie washed her hands, conscious of eyes on her. The name "Professor Moore" had an effect, this was assuredly true--but away from galdori eyes, it was less than positive. Disobedient, never; openly questioning, not at all; but positive? No. The matron told her that a student was waiting for her in the hallway, and that she wasn't to dally. Aurelie realized with a sinking feeling that this could only be Niamh. The idea of being alone with Niamh made Aurelie uncomfortable in some way she couldn't quite put her finger on. The golly girl had surely been pleasant enough to her, more pleasant any of them ever were. (Most of them, she corrected to herself, thinking of someone in particular.) Perhaps it wasn't Niamh herself that made Aurelie uncomfortable, but what she represented. A sister--Fionn's sister. They were--it was difficult to tell if they were close, but they spoke, and this made a part of her heart constrict to think on. Sister. Aurelie turned the word over in her mind, a talisman, or a curse.

"Good afternoon, Miss Ma--Miss Niamh," Aurelie greeted her with a slight bow, catching herself on the name at the last moment. Gracious Lady she was encountering a great many gollies who wanted her to be overly familiar with them lately, wasn't she? It was slightly distressing. Aurelie followed behind Niamh as the girl led the way. Her mind churned over and rejected many possibilities for the desire for privacy. The research is private, she told herself sternly. Not everyone need carry on all of their business in plain sight of others. Oh, she hoped that was what they were going to discuss. Please, Circle have mercy, let that be all that the student wanted with her. Aurelie wasn't quite certain her newly-developed skills in avoiding the truth would work when speaking to the elder Madden, and she desperately did not want to find out. With any luck, they could walk the entire way to the lab in awkward silence while Aurelie thought about what she could possibly say.

[Niamh Madden]

Hamis 10, Midday
Kitchens, Brunnhold

.

Aurelie emerged from Kitchens with the air of someone expecting punishment. She was nowhere near as expressive as Fionn was — there was no one as expressive as Niamh’s brother, not even a galdor bleeding emotions into their field — but the passive girl still expressed enough. It wasn’t her face, which did a good job of hiding how she felt. Her posture though… she’d seen that often enough in passives, that tension and slight hunch as they anticipated trouble. Any passive that had ‘Professor Moore’, ‘Professor Devlin’ or ‘Laboratory Beta’ mentioned in their vicinity usually got that look as if they expected to receive a blow. The eldest Madden couldn’t blame her exactly — she knew what sort of rumours were going around about the work she was involved in — but it was sad to see it. No, it was horrifying in truth, especially as she definitely didn’t feel as if she should elicit such a response in anybody. Niamh would never do anything — anything — to someone that should produce a sense of dread. She assumed that it was the mention of Lab Beta that had done this, that the Matron had done as she’d been asked and that Aurelie had wanted to know who was seeking her.

Hadn’t Fionn said that she was interested? Had that been a lie so that she wouldn’t pry any further into what he’d been up to alone with this girl in Keyes’ office? No, it couldn’t be that; he’d told her exactly where she could find the servant so he’d wanted her to talk to her.

Hadn’t he?

Honestly, the student never knew what to make of her brother. He expressed a lot but somehow the boy could lie remarkably well, probably because he could channel which emotions he expressed and they didn’t even have to be whatever he was feeling at that moment; he was startling good at innocent bewilderment. And he’d been irritated with her when she’d been asking so that hid everything else. Maybe he’d lied about Aurelie, assuming that Niamh wouldn’t actually talk to her.

So… should she assume that her brother had been telling the truth in spite of Aurelie’s apprehension or should she think that Fionn had lied to gain her trust so that she wouldn’t feel the need to talk to the girl and that’s why her response was wrong?

She was going to tie her brain in a knot thinking about it but there was a chance that the young woman was apprehensive for a different reason; Niamh had no notion why that would be the case though.

Good Lady! What if she wasn’t apprehensive at all but Niamh had assumed that she’d see so she had and-

Clock the Circle, stop it! she berated herself, resisting the urge to bury her face in her hands. She was going to blame her brother; Fionn had made her clocking paranoid where this passive was concerned and she was thinking too emotionally because she was too worried about this, too close.

They exchanged greetings — she’d almost had a meltdown before they’d even said hello — and then her passive companion fell silent. She didn’t agree to come with Niamh but she seemed expectant, waiting obediently to follow the galdor. Did she think that she had to do this? Oh no, she hadn’t meant to make her think that it was an obligation but… it sort of was. She really needed to talk to her about things (Fionn) like what to expect if she helped out and how she’d see (Fionn) and hear (Fionn) some things that might alter her world view (Fionn). Niamh might.... also mention her brother and what had gone on a little over a week ago.

"I’m sorry to pull you away from your work like this," Niamh apologised, beginning to lead the way. ”Well… maybe you don’t mind being pulled away — I imagine that there are far worse places to work. B-but I’m sure that you don’t want to get pulled away to come talk to a galdor. I’m not that bad — I’m not bad at all actually, why did I say that? — but I understand that you wouldn’t- You don’t like us, well no... I shouldn’t say that you personally dislike us although you’d have every reason given… everything,” the young woman explained, well aware that she was beginning to ramble and that it might be noticeable that she was nervous. What exactly was she trying to say to fill the silence that seemed so awkward when she wasn’t hurling her stuttering too quick speech into it?

She took a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say is that you um… I’m sure you’d rather be doing something else instead of talking to me. Although I’m not your enemy, I really want to help you!”

The redhead stopped dead in her tracks, expression both apologetic and horrified. Her face had gone quite red at this point, the final year student resisting the urge to fan herself. “Oh no! Was that really patronising of me? Fionn’s always saying that- You can tell me! Please, I’d rather know. Although how else am I meant to say it? It is the truth after all and-” she finished on a dramatic sigh, resuming her walk.

Niamh was rather worried about this whole thing and it was rather telling. She thought that she might even be more obviously anxious than she normally was when she let it seep out.

Good Lady! She was probably suffocating the girl with her emotions! She tried to calm the pulse of her monic aura.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

The realization that she perhaps should have said more to Niamh than a greeting came to Aurelie too late. It was unusual for anyone, much less a student, to want more from her than a simple "yes, right away.'' But feeling the riot of Niamh's field as she approached, Aurelie started to feel she had made a mistake. Niamh had been friendly enough when they met the first time after all. Aurelie’s silence might seem cold. Or even guilty, which it was. But Niamh didn't know that.

"It's no trouble, miss. I, er, well I enjoy my work well enough. That is, it is something to… to keep me busy. But I had thought you might want to talk to me at some point, Miss Niamh. About Professor Moore's research," she added hastily. Bells and chimes, she was babbling! At least her voice had remained steady and quiet. And she hadn't said too much. What had Fionn said? Just don't volunteer information.

Easier said than done. She was afraid they were going to talk about last week after all. Oh chimes. Was that why Niamh was nervous? Did she want to talk about her brother? Had he said… no, he was a much better liar than she was and it wasn't the sort of thing one brought up with their sister. Was it? She really wouldn't know, she supposed, not ever having done it before and having no sister available to tell if she had. Aurelie resolutely clamped her hands together to keep them from wandering.

Still, if they were going to talk about the research… why was Niamh's field fair oozing with nerves? Aurelie was not the best at reading emotions from the fields of the galdori population around her, and even she could pick up on it. It was rubbing off on her, and Aurelie didn’t need the help.

”Er,” she said intelligently when Niamh stopped dead in the middle of the hallway and turned. Aurelie blinked, not quite sure what to make of that declaration. Why would Niamh be her enemy? It was true that Aurelie herself was not overly fond of the general student population of Brunnhold, but anyone who had handled their dirty socks was unlikely to feel much differently. Aurelie felt she was missing something, and this made her more nervous than she was before.

”I would like to, er, to help as well. If-- if I can that is.” Color started to creep into her face. Was that volunteering information? Should she not have said that? ”Fionn said that I… might be able to. Help, that is. I like to be helpful?” Fionn had said a lot of things to her, really, and as her mind wandered back that direction, as it was so prone to doing of late, she could feel a witless smile creep across her face. Aurelie tried to wipe it off as quickly as it came. Maybe… maybe it looked like she was just very happy to be helpful. That’s what gollies said about them, wasn’t it? That gating them was a kindness, as it gave them something to do. Contribute to society. Yes, that’s fine then. That was a completely normal and not at all feather-brained sort of expression she had just made. Absolutely.

[Niamh Madden]

Hamis 10, Midday
Kitchens, Brunnhold

.

The young woman’s field was full of emotion, brimming over with it and the more she tried to calm it, the more resistant it was to being tamed. It was infuriating really, how undisciplined she seemed, how unschooled when in truth she had had many years in which to learn to control such things. Oh, there were plenty of small things that could slip through at the best of times for all galdori but only those who possessed a field themselves knew how to read those subtleties that slipped through, a knowledge born of familiarity. There was nothing subtle about what was happening with Niamh and it meant that the passive servant would likely be able to read a great deal, even though she probably hadn’t had much experience reading her magical brethren.

It was incredibly frustrating to be so incapable of controlling herself and it didn’t get any better when the other spoke, her words making several things squirm within the eldest Madden that made the situation feel so much worse, the control slipping even further out of her grasp — what flimsy control she still had at least.

The formality grated more than it probably should have. It wasn’t like she hadn’t dealt with passives before, hadn’t ordered them around and had them defer to her. Aurelie shouldn’t have been a different matter, she shouldn’t have but it made her feel awful to hear it, especially ‘Miss Niamh’, a half-title that juxtaposed formality and informality in a horrible mockery. This was a girl who would be… not her equal exactly but quite close to it if she came to Laboratory Beta in the future. It would allow something more natural to develop between them but they obviously weren’t there yet.

Perhaps she was simply too accustomed to the lax attitude of her brother, the only real regular that they had for their research and even then, it was understandable that he was casual with her given that they had a far nearer relation than subject and researcher. The pair of women would get there.

You just want her to take to you so you know for sure that you’re different, part of her mind whispered, fed by the deep-seated fear that she wasn’t as different from her privileged peers. It was damn near impossible to bury those doubts in the face of Aurelie’s response though. So anxious, so very uneasy around her. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t personal but rather what she represented that elicited this reaction but she couldn’t quite convince herself.

The sinking dread that she was a figure of terror only increased when she asked if she was being patronising and the servant froze, prey startled by a predator and so flooded with fear and adrenaline that it forgot how to fly from the source of its terror.

Oh Gods! Clock the Circle! Lady’s Grace! Alioe have mercy!

She’d still managed to screw up. Everything in that pale freckled face said that there would be no protests from her, that Aurelie would do anything, say anything to avoid causing upset. Not only did she not respond to the question — much to the Madden girl’s chagrin — but she also began stuttering about being helpful as if desperate to convince her, desperate to stave off some punitive reaction that might occur if she couldn’t prove that she was a good little passive.

Niamh couldn’t say that she was happy about her brother’s association with this girl — he was not good at keeping friendship platonic — but she was glad to have the chance to show her that all galdori weren’t the source of fear that she seemed to think they were.

Because it couldn’t be personal. She couldn’t be frightened of Niamh specifically because that was… that was beyond ridiculous. Who was frightened of her? Who could have reason to be scared of Niamh Madden? Fionn would laugh at how ludicrous it was, no doubt he’d end up listing all the reasons why it couldn’t be true and he’d manage to make her feel better. He was very good at making her feel better, always able to understand the best way to persuade her. That triggered something else in her mind, a way to divert her thoughts from herself.

"I understand wanting to be h-h-helpful but did Fionn- My brother can be… surprisingly p-p-persuasive when he w-w-wants to be and well-" she explained, cheeks reddening massively as she thought of the implications of where she was going. Why would he choose to persuade Aurelie in this instance? What purpose could he have for luring her to the lab if she didn’t want to go?

“I w-won’t speak poorly of him because he’s a g-g-good boy under everything, he’s j-just had a d-dif-difficult time b-b-but… If he convinced you t-t-to do this when you didn’t really w-w-want to then you can… you can tell me,” she volunteered, doing her best to sound sympathetic and understanding. The young woman wanted her to think that it was safe to confide in her, which was true.

“I won’t be angry if you don’t want to be involved. If Fionn convinced you because he…”

Her eyes were on the young woman now, remembering that smile that she’d seen so fleetingly as she led the way, the unstoppable delight on her features. Recalling it, it gave strength to her voice, taking some of the shake out of it. It wasn’t angry but there was more confidence, a sense of something solid here that she could stand on because she could comprehend it.

“He has a bit of a charmed tongue and he… I’m not saying that he’d do it out of nastiness but he does want this research to go well and- You don’t have to do anything that he asked you to do if you’re too uncomfortable with this. I know he’s attractive and he knows it, although I don’t think he understands how to use it fully but you couldn’t be blamed for being… being swayed.”

The confidence was gone, possibly because her face was the same temperature as a furnace and she found herself with one hand against her scarlet skin, teasing hair to shield it from view. Unbeknownst to her, Niamh was mirroring an action of her brother’s except she actually had hair to hide behind.

“I just mean… if you have misgivings, if you d-d-didn’t agree with full understanding and you’re too f-f-frightened to be involved then you can just tell me. Nevermind, Fionn. He can put up with some d-d-disappointment. About the research.”

Sweet Lady, she was embarrassing. She’d just embarrassed herself, probably Aurelie and almost certainly Fionn. The middle Madden would be embarrassed if he was here. Or angry. Probably angry more than anything. If anyone had an infatuation here, it was her brother but she’d certainly implied — or rather beaten the girl over the head with the notion — that Aurelie had swooned over a pretty face and agreed to something senselessly.

“I didn’t mean to- I wasn’t trying to suggest- I’m sure you understood what- Just if you don’t want to do this… say something and I’ll- You can head back to work.”

Right about now, the final year student was ready to drop dead. Dropping dead sounded good because if she couldn’t reverse the stream of her life then at least she could have its flow stopped.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Please, someone, somewhere, strike me down where I stand.

There was nothing, nothing at all, in Aurelie's entire life that could have prepared her for how very little she wanted to have this discussion. For a moment, Aurelie had been very hopeful that this was not the direction the conversation would go. Perhaps, the delusion had gone, Niamh was merely going to discuss Professor Moore's work. After all, Aurelie truly didn't know what was involved. She had agreed to it, but she didn't really know the shape of what she had agreed to. "Help" was such a broad word, after all. She hadn't even really thought to ask, happy to take the excuse.

But no, this was happening, and they were talking about this, and if Aurelie could have jumped out of a window she certainly would have. Niamh's embarrassment fed her own, until both women were approximately the temperature and color of a boiled tomato. Persuasive? Yes, he certainly was that. Though Aurelie had been entirely too easy to persuade--it really hadn't taken much on Fionn's part at all, had it?

"N-no, I. Er." She couldn't precisely say she wanted to be involved, specifically, with the research. "I'm--he didn't have to, ah, convince me." Much. Oh, Sweet Lady, had that been too easy? Maybe she should have thought about it more. At the time it had seemed to require very little thought on her part.

Aurelie must have given something away, on her face or in her manner, because Niamh sounded entirely too confident as she said--well, implied really was more accurate, however-- Oh no. Oh dear. Aurelie let out a little squeak of panic when Niamh started talking about how attractive her brother was. Which was true, but not something she needed to be considering at this particular moment in time. Did Niamh know how absolutely infatuated Aurelie was? That could very well account for her concern. It was making Aurelie absolutely foolish. Was she truly so obvious? Well, "subtle" wasn't the word for her, was it, and Niamh had been there to see the-the handkerchief and... Ticks!

Dimly, Aurelie registered that brother and sister both had the same nervous habit, and a traitorous part of her mind chose to classify this as "sweet". Perhaps even "charming". This did very little to distract the rest of her mind, which was sounding every alarm it possibly could. Niamh had brought it up delicately enough, it was true--but Aurelie was developing a very poor track record of keeping her foolish thoughts inside of her head when it came to speaking to the Maddens.

"Really I-I do want to help. I, uhm, I promise. Which isn't to say that Fionn isn't att--er. That is, it was his idea but I wanted to--oh no. I mean, that is." Really, an absolutely, incredibly, shockingly poor track record. Was it genetic? Did they both just exude some kind of energy that shut down her higher brain functions? She didn't even want to kiss Niamh. Oh chimes, that was hardly the thing she needed to think about right at this moment.

Aurelie couldn't contain her nervous energy anymore. She had no field to radiate it from, to be sure, but she hardly needed one. Her eyes darted nervously down the hall--was anyone there to hear them? To see them? It seemed blessedly empty, but... Aurelie chewed on her lip and her hands, freed from being bound together in front of her by iron will, took to fussing with her hair.

"I'm not frightened! Not of being involved. With... the research? I-I would like to--"

Yes, this was going very well.

[Niamh Madden]

Hamis 10, Midday
Kitchens, Brunnhold

.

Both young women were humiliated right now and it was all Niamh’s fault. Well, honestly it was sort of Fionn’s fault for existing and being pretty. It was actually a Madden trait that had skipped Niamh — the prettiness, not the existence bit — because Oisín was also ludicrously pretty, something that had many a girl swooning over him. But yes, if her brothers weren’t blessed with their good looks then she wouldn’t have had to think along these lines, especially as Fionn had the added bonus of being more innocently charming than his younger sibling — a charming Oisín had something scheming behind it. Having such an appealing brother meant that she had to face the fact that people would like him, not just women but men as well, especially when they knew that their interest might be reciprocated. There were plenty of things she’d rather not know about the gated passive but there were far too many details that he let slip that had allowed her to build up a sufficient picture — too much of a picture honestly — of his relations with others. The boy was wanton and promiscuous and she supposed that that probably held some charm as well when it was in a man; a man was experienced while a woman was a tart — that’s how it went.

It wasn’t entirely outlandish for her to consider whether or not Aurelie’s interest in the passive research was actually tied up in an interest in her brother, albeit a superficial and rather lusty one but to voice it aloud was understandable embarrassing for both of them. The passive girl might actually be offended that she’d suggested such a thing, the mere insinuation something that could have besmirched her honour.

Her initial response seemed evidence enough to show that she had been extremely rude and exceptionally presumptuous. It was enough to weave shame in amidst her embarrassment, the young woman ready to make another heartfelt apology, pleading for the servant to forgive her for casting such aspersions on her character. Just because her brother had a bit of an infatuation on the girl based on the way he seemed to daydream, it didn’t mean that that was something that ran two ways. She was paranoid about what had gone on in Keyes’s office after she left it and while she knew that her brother was a ridiculously sexual being, it didn’t mean that-

The other young woman’s stuttered words drew a slow, piercing stare from Niamh as if she was trying to see into the depths of her being as she hunted for truth. That was actually what she was trying to do — divine the meaning of those stuttered remarks and what Aurelie had inadvertently let slip.

Not that he wasn’t attractive...

Obviously that was a very pertinent matter if you were interested in passive research and would undoubtedly be at the forefront of one’s mind…

Good Lady! If the girl was really concerned with the work going on in Laboratory Beta then she would have simply denied Niamh’s claims and moved on. Maybe she did actually care about the research but unconsciously, she’d found it necessary to try to reveal that she was attracted to the middle Madden.

And having her assist in the lab had been Fionn’s idea.

The redhead had a horrible flashback to the shy awkwardness between the pair of passives, how her brother had acted as if she were intruding on… what? A courtship? Yes, she supposed it could be viewed that way, as if she was a chaperone that they were saddled with so that they couldn’t get up to any inappropriate mischief. It had even included a gift that the girl had brought, something that her brother had explained away with calm ease although there had definitely been the hint of a bright smile kept at bay-

Well shit!

In spite of her scrutinising look, the galdor remained silent. After the nervous flow of words that had come from her before, the silence now was quite ominous. Her field had altered as well. It warmed and then seemed to calm although it was collected too closely around her and grasped too close to be what it appeared. The redhead’s gaze had returned to the path ahead, leading the way outside as she headed in the direction of the Sciences building. In her mind, she was weighing the possible implications of what Aurelie had almost said, those tantalising little glimpses into a truth that she’d never get out of her brother. Well, no… she’d get it out of him but unfortunately, she’d probably need to actually confront him with the truth in order to stop him from locking his jaws and gazing at her defiantly.

Fionn wouldn’t be a source of information for her, largely because you had to be very, very good at planning a few moves ahead in order to outsmart her brother who was a practiced liar and evader of truth. Frankly, the Madden didn’t have the stamina to engage in a battle of wits with him but she needed to know. Paranoia was one thing but this… Niamh was truly worried now. And it did seem as if this servant was far more open than her brother was.

The matter of the research was taking a backseat for the minute, hardly seeming significant in the face of possible passive fornication!

"Do you understand the nature of the research in Laboratory Beta? I’m sure that you’ve heard rumours. Whatever you’ve heard, it isn’t true. Probably," the galdor commented softly. It wasn’t a lie really. She had no idea what the girl had heard and there was often some truth in even the wildest tales so it wasn’t totally out of the question to consider that something might be entirely or at least mostly true, right?

Maybe she was attempting to stoke a little fear but then again, maybe she was… getting to the root of any possible anxieties. Yes. Yes, that was it, that was what Niamh was doing.

“I suppose that Fionn filled you in during your, eh… encounter in Keyes’s office, yes?” she suggested, hazel eyes pivoting in the diminutive girl’s direction, attempting to project innocence but failing as there was something just a little too sharp in the background; she risked scrutinising her like a bird of prey sussing out its victim before it swooped in.

“What did you and Fionn get up to after I left? Oh, he’s told me some things o-o-obviously but it’d be interesting to see if you had a d-d-different perspective on them. I don’t think that the two of you would view events… the same way,” she finished, stuttering on lies but managing to end on a note that she hoped was sufficiently vague but on point enough that it would frighten the girl.

Let her think that Niamh knew everything, or enough. Let her attempt to exonerate herself but actually hang herself in the process.

Not that there was definitely guilt here but… damnit, she didn’t trust her brother. Furthermore, she knew what it was like to be left with someone who actually might return your interest. She knew that things could… happen.

Niamh understood that all too well.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

She had made a mistake.

Several, more than likely, although she wasn’t sure which was the most fatal. Was it something about her demeanor, the way she had let a smile cross her face earlier? Were her assurances too quick, or not quick enough? No, she realized, the greatest of her errors had been the most simple: in the face of Niamh’s nervous and slightly patronizing kindness, Aurelie had forgotten her place. The silence and the sudden shift of Niamh’s field, now too subtle for Aurelie to understand, filled Aurelie with a sort of cold dread as they went outside towards the Sciences building.

”U-understand?” Chimes, she did not like the squeak in her voice as she said that. This was a normal question, a question she had been expecting. Coupled with the shift in atmosphere around Niamh, it made her start to feel a little ill.

”I-- Well, miss, I can’t honestly say that I do, not fully…” Aurelie wracked her brain, trying to remember what she had heard from Fionn. ”I, er, well. S-something about the… the nature o-of our condition. Where it comes from or--I’m afraid I don’t quite… I have heard many things, but I do try not to, ah, pay much mind to rumors.” She hardly needed to add that many of those rumors could get quite colorful. Or that a large amount of what she had heard lately was directly related to Fionn’s involvement, a subject everyone seemed very eager to discuss with her.

The sharp look from Niamh after the word “encounter” made Aurelie’s heart lurch. She did not like that expression at all; it put her entirely too much in mind of a frog catching the glance of a snake. Aurelie felt for the frog in a way she had never fully appreciated, as she too found herself frozen in place.

If the way Niamh had said “encounter” had made her heart lurch, then being asked so direct a question made it stop entirely. What had Fionn told his sister? Not for the first time since this conversation had begun, Aurelie wished they could have--have spoken, at least a little, somehow. She couldn’t imagine they had the sort of relationship where he would have said anything… untoward, but… Oh, this was all very distressing! How was she supposed to know what to say? Instead of saying anything she would regret, for a moment Aurelie said nothing as her mind fretted.

Bitterness wormed up out of her heart. If they had been born normal, she thought, nobody would pay them much mind at all. They really hadn’t done anything explicitly wrong--though she had keenly wanted to, a fact of which she was miserably aware. She wondered if the idea would disgust this nice young lady of breeding--and if it would be the impropriety or what they were. Aurelie grasped at this oil-dark feeling and let it give her something like strength when she opened her mouth to finally speak.

”I-I don’t know that there is much to, to t-tell. W-we spoke a little,” perhaps too little, ”a-and then I, er, well I had to get back to work, so I… left. That’s all.”

There, she had said enough. No need to elaborate. Aurelie reminded herself that this was the advice Fionn had given her, and, well. She felt a little guilty thinking such an unkind thought, but it did rather seem like he had more experience employing the skill than she did.

Though… Somewhere, her traitorous heart whispered to her. What did Niamh mean--that they wouldn't “view events the same way”? Aurelie tried to call to mind a reasonable explanation, and she could think of none but what made her a little sick at heart. Maybe the reason Niamh was here was because they were both hoping to dissuade her. No, he’d said--oh, but what if spending any more time in her company had seemed a much more unpleasant idea when he’d had more time to think about the prospect. How much could curiosity carry one after all? It wasn’t that she thought he was a liar, precisely, but she had difficulty believing that he could truly have meant any of the sweeter things he’d said to her. Aurelie couldn’t help thinking that if Fionn was just interested in--in indulging curiosity, there were other women who were better options than Aurelie Steerpike. Prettier, or smarter, or more interesting, or perhaps more experienced. Women better at keeping their mouths shut--who wouldn’t say foolish things in front of his sister, or awkwardly trip on some private pain she was still embarrassed to have prodded at. Better. Even caged in as they were, she was sure.

”What, er…” Aurelie bit her lip, certain she would regret asking, ”What, ah, did… Fionn say…?” She was well and truly miserable now, guilty over nothing and thoughts spiraling into a pattern she recognized but couldn’t prevent. More than nervousness brought a flush to her face and drove the nervous motions of her hands.

[Niamh Madden]

Hamis 10, Midday
En route to Laboratory Beta, Brunnhold

.

Niamh had to wonder what her brother had told Aurelie about the passive research although she suspected that it wasn’t enough. The servant’s stuttering uncertainty didn’t recommend her brother’s briefing skills, the evident lack of knowledge making her uneasy for more than one reason. The girl had agreed to help without knowing what she was getting into and all she could imagine was that the middle Madden had woven very attractive words with that oft silver tongue of his and she’d fallen into his trap. That she’d volunteered of her own accord was highly unlikely and that she’d been manipulated into doing so was worrisome. Yet another thing to make this conversation uncomfortable although the student was inclined to put the blame on her brother for it all; she wouldn’t even be talking to Aurelie right now if it wasn’t for him. Any discomfort or awkwardness… it was all Fionn’s fault, she was a firm believer. She hadn’t expected to have to provide the passive with all the information on the research, just provide some extra details and answers to any questions that she might have. Fionn had screwed up those ideas. She was going to have to start from the beginning and that could be tricky at the best of times; given her suspicions about the passive pair, this certainly wasn’t the best of times.

How was she meant to think seriously about research when she wasn’t sure that Aurelie was serious about it? What would be the point if he had turned her head for his own selfish purposes and she wasn’t actually interested in any of this and Niamh wasted her breath on a foolish endeavour? Even if she was interested, how could she drag her into this in good conscience if her brother and this girl were-

It didn’t bear thinking about except that she had to do so. She had to find out what consequences her actions might have had. It made her watch the other redhead closely from the corner of her eye, turning her head slightly occasionally so that she could get a better view of her companion and her response.

The nervous response that the servant provided was quite neutral and safe — innocent. The stuttering wasn’t necessarily a sign of guilt — if it was then apparently Niamh was guilty of a lot of things most of the time — but it did make her scrutinise the other quite closely, suspicion making her consider everything. Was she upset by the vague — unwarranted — air of accusation that had underpinned the galdor’s words or did she have something to hide behind her simple response?

It was the first potential hurdle, the first place that Aurelie could stumble and fall if she had something to hide but while she hadn’t thought that the girl could lie, she had a back-up — an earworm.

It was a cruel thing to have done really, saying what she had. Even if the girl was innocent, there was a high chance that she’d get worried, wondering what Fionn could have seen differently than her. However, judging by the moony bliss she’d seen on the servant’s face not so long ago and her brother’s behaviour, she didn’t think that there was innocence there and that meant that that vague little phrase she’d murmured could well have sown discord in Aurelie’s mind. If it had been Niamh, if their situations were reversed and she’d just had that dropped on her, then the galdor would probably be close to tears. Sweet Lady, if she had to think about that with Harper, about whether he regarded her the same way as she viewed him or not…

As if the young woman didn’t already worry about that all the time. In truth, she’d probably gained inspiration for that little earworm from her own doubts and fears. Except that she was relatively sure that the man was interested but she wasn’t sure if it was anything approaching a serious relationship. Alioe bless her but how could it be anything serious? She was a student and engaged, and he was a professor dedicated to his research and with no inclination to give up a bachelor’s way of life.

Don’t fall to pieces now, for Alioe’s Sake, she whined internally, trying to keep a twist of despair from her expression, even as her field became blue-shifted; she tried to quash her own feelings but looked to the side in time to see that Aurelie seemed to reflect how the galdor herself was feeling. And then came the stuttered question, face red as she worried at her lip. Was she going to cry? The passive didn’t look far off it in all honesty and that sent guilt lancing through the student.

“He didn’t um… well, he was- It was more what he didn’t say honestly. Well, he lies as well so sometimes what he says- Well, he can’t be believed all the time, it’s not his fault. Habit, I think but… forget I said anything,” the redhead stuttered out, waving a hand to dismiss the line of conversation although she feared that it wouldn’t help, that she’d let things get away from her and her words had taken on a life of their own within her companion’s head. Because Aurelie was very put out by what she’d said and her body language wasn’t right for somebody who expected an accusation to be dropped on their head; she looked as if she expected a world of pain in the near future.

Gods, why had she said it? Why had she been so cruel? Surely, there would have been a better way to extract information about what had gone in like asking directly. The girl might well fold under direct interrogation but Niamh hadn’t expected to need to interrogate her; this wasn’t a matter of investigation, not of the criminal kind anyway. This conversation really had gotten away from her but she couldn’t stop now, even though she could see the pain that seemed to seep around the edges.

“What did you and Fionn talk about when I left you alone? You obviously didn’t talk about the research or you wouldn’t be going off of rumours. And now I have to think about how to explain- Harp- Professor Moore is so much better at explaining some things. Clock the Circle, Fionn is better at explaining some things, especially if he isn’t meant to be doing so. He’s very good at doing things that he ought not to do,” she explained, frustration seeping into her voice and sounding very much like irritation.

“Look Aurelie, I’m not trying t-t-to interrogate you or anything, I’d just like… a straight answer. I don’t know why a straight answer should be so difficult to come by.”

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Forget she said anything? Oh, it was far too late for that. The time to forget Niamh Madden had said anything to send Aurelie off on this train of thought was before there was anything to forget. Aurelie knew it was absurd. What did it matter, after all? Maybe she had meant it the way Aurelie had taken it, and maybe she hadn’t. There wasn’t anything Aurelie could do either way, was there? She could no more control what others thought of her than she could control the tide or the movement of the moons. Knowing this didn’t stop her mind from spinning uncomfortably out of control.

Aurelie Steerpike, behave yourself! You are not a child, no matter what they think of you. You are twenty years old, for Alioe’s sake! Act like it!

The internal reminder was sharp, a slap to her own ego. Not steadying, but it helped her to stop twisting a piece of her pinafore in her hands, marshal her self-control. Aurelie drew her shoulders back, ever-so-slightly. Yes. That was better. Nevermind how much she wanted to shake the young woman in front of her and demand to know in exact words what had been said, so that she could pick them apart and analyze it later. And nevermind, too, how her misery seemed to write itself on her face no matter how she tried to keep herself under wraps.

”No, Miss Madden, I must confess we didn’t talk much about the research. I couldn’t--I couldn’t stay terribly long, after all.” The formality was sharp and deliberate--Aurelie was drawing a line. She could not get too comfortable here, she had to remember. Niamh Madden wasn’t an enemy, but she was no friend either.

”As for what we did talk about--” Aurelie chewed her lip, frowning and not looking at Niamh. This wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to tell Niamh what they spoke about, not because there was anything wildly untoward but--how was it any of her business? Truthfully, it was just embarrassing. What did the young woman want to hear Aurelie say, precisely? “No, I have no interest in your very charming brother, prurient or otherwise”? “I, an uneducated servant, have a full understanding of whatever it is that a golly professor could be rabbiting on about with his research”? Embarrassment shaped itself into something more, something sharper--anger. Not at Niamh. At herself, though what her expression looked like from the outside, she did not know.

”I’m sorry Miss Madden but I confess I do not know what it is you wish for me to say. Our conversation was--was rather unexciting really, and--personal.” Aurelie let the word linger. She wasn’t trying to imply anything, but it was true.

”Perhaps,” she added, raising her eyes at last, ”if you asked me a straight question, you would receive a straight answer.” Her cheeks colored with the effort of the statement.