[Mature] Say A Little Prayer...

[Fionn]

Hamis 25, 2719 | Late Evening
Laundries, Brunnhold

.

Today was definitely a worry day and there seemed to be more worries piling up as it went on. The youth certainly couldn’t have predicted the latest ones if he’d been asked about them earlier in the day. The ones about Lars made sense, perfect sense — he could have guessed those earlier — but he hadn’t expected ones to pop up about Aura or this Matron. He had a ball of worries regarding the diminutive girl and an adjacent one that was more of a physical nag — it was because of her that he hadn’t finished things properly with his male companion — and some very nervous ones about just how interested that older woman seemed. Maybe it was just harmless — words and nothing else — but fucking hell, he was not in the humour to go deal with this uneven power dynamic chroveshit again. He wasn’t going to be sucking up to any overseers again anytime soon, he wasn’t going to get into a thing with any of them regardless of how attractive they might be because he wasn’t going to allow himself to be taken advantage of; they were in a position of authority for a reason and he wasn’t going to let them abuse the power they’d been given.

After Aura left, the teenager had to think about how to get out of here in a hurry or at least sooner rather than later. She couldn’t wait forever — she’d nodded, it had certainly looked as if she’d nodded — and thus, he couldn’t keep her waiting. He didn’t want to play on whatever attraction the Matron had exhibited but damnit if he could use it as leverage… It wasn’t a fun thing to consider but he really did want to talk to Aurelie.

For the time being, Fionn settled for being industrious. Sheets were hauled out and wrung, driven through a wringer with the help of another, the young man cranking the handle while he was sure that eyes were on him — appreciative eyes. He was working hard, fresh sweat beading on his skin and running down his back and his arms, muscles bunching with the effort as each sheet went through it. When he was almost done, he glanced up to find- Yes, the Matron.

Her arms were crossed, supervising their activities for all intents and purposes except that she was watching him closely and the other young man that was working with him. At the moment, Fionn suspected that he was putting on the more interesting show right now. He happened to catch her eye and despite how much it disgusted him and how many burdens he had weighing on his shoulders, he managed to flash a brief smirk at her. He looked away as soon as he’d done it, afraid that if he maintained eye contact then his self-loathing would surface on his features.

Maybe it would work. Maybe it wouldn’t. He could only hope that he managed to grease the wheels a bit — hopefully not too much though!

The sheets were carried away, carefully spread over frames to allow them to dry properly overnight; they’d be pressed and ironed in the morning, sent off to make up fresh beds while the students were at classes. The linens seemed endless but they successfully hauled and tugged them into position. There were still more tasks to do, Fionn’s back aching from all that he’d done today — he’d done work for Keyes as well — and he reached his hands up and stretched them above his head, allowing bones to crack and pop, muscles tugging to release tension. He groaned softly.

He purposely held the position, aware that there was quite a bit on display if only in silhouette, the youth rigid and attractive — he knew that he looked good and he wasn’t the only one.

The older woman appeared at his side as if by magic the moment that he allowed his body to relax again.

“You’ve done a lot of hard work. Nice to have a volunteer,” she commented, smiling a little more warmly, something conspiratorial in her gaze. “You should stop by more often…”

The blond swivelled his gaze to hers, brown meeting green. He returned her smile, running a hand through his hair, ruffling it. “I might just do that,” he retorted, gripping the front of his shirt and flapping the material a bit to circulate air to cool himself down. “Given that I’m a volunteer and I’ve done good work… can I go?”

She bit her lip, thoughtful, gaze dropping as if she was considering it deeply and the young man adjusted his stance, slipping his hands into his pockets. It allowed him to pull material taut even though it left a bitter taste in his mouth, the teenager feeling cheap but it worked. With the Matron blushing and smiling to herself, she let him go.

Time was sometimes difficult to gauge and truthfully, he had no idea how long it had been since Aurelie had actually left the laundries. Thus, he hovered indecisively after his release, knowing that he was sweaty and probably a bit disgusting right now but not fancying the prospect of a bath — not when it was supervised. He’d dealt with enough lecherous looks this evening and if he stripped in front of others, he felt that he’d be likely to inflame something. Besides, while it wasn’t quite as good as a bath, he could clean himself up in the morning in Keyes’ little washroom, that at least afforded him some privacy. Walking to the canteen, he combed his fingers forward through his hair and rolled down his shirt sleeves, making an effort to be somewhat presentable when he met up with Aurelie.

The canteen wasn’t too busy when he arrived, the line for food a short one, although his wait gave him a chance to seek and locate the girl he was looking for. Once he had his meal, he headed in her direction. There weren’t many passives at the same table as her but he considered it best to sit beside her, not too close because he didn’t want them to appear too cosy but near enough that he thought they could converse in relative privacy.

“Thank you. For waiting. I… I appreciate it,” he whispered. He was sat to her left, which allowed him to eat with his dominant hand while allowing his right one to bridge the gap between them if necessary. If her left hand was available then he’d take it, squeezing it fleetingly.

“Sorry, I probably stink. I-I-I didn’t want to make you w-w-wait long,” Fionn admitted, tucking into his meal with a tad more gusto than his companion; he felt famished but the woman hardly seemed to have touched her food.

He ate quietly for a few moments, tempering his urges so that he didn’t wolf the whole thing down. The middle Madden was definitely worried but he couldn’t ignore that he was hungry; it had been too long since he’d eaten properly — his earlier worrying has seen to that.

“I uh… I was talking about… about Lars before. I’m… I’m w-w-worried about him. No one seems to have s-s-seen him in a day or two but I d-d-did hear that a girl who was friendly with was found… drowned,” he admitted softly. That little tidbit of information certainly put a dampener on his pace. He’d heard it this evening and he’d thought it coincidence, hoped that it was but… what were the chances? He knew that the Hessean had a temper and it wasn’t as if killing was new to him.

“Stupid name, kind of floral- No! Plant-y but… urgh what was it? Heather? Ivy? No, they’re pretty names and- Clover! Do- Did you know her? Did you h-hear about her? She was friends with L-Lars. If you knew her then you’d know- He’s blond as well, about my height, handsome w-w-with a touch of pretty. P-p-people call him m-m-moony. The… the other scraps!”

Was that his voice cracking? Gods, it was! He was on the verge of tears just talking about this!

His hand, which hadn’t remained bridging the short distance between them, found its way under the table to rest upon the redhead’s knee. He managed to turn his face somewhat towards hers, eating utensils still as he sought to catch her eye — his own gaze shimmered.

“Have you… have you s-s-seen him? If not, I have to go to H-Harper or N-Niamh. She won’t want to talk t-t-to me, not after I- But I have to-"

The blond tore his gaze away, returning it to his plate as he used his fork to gather up food that wobbled precariously on its prongs.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Hamis 25, 2719 Late evening | Passive Canteen

Idiot.

There was food in front of her, she knew that much. She had gotten it herself, after all, after she got in here. Bathed as quickly as she could, not in the mood to let her mind or ears wander to the chatter of everyone around her. After she had dressed again, the young woman realized that it was unlikely Fionn had escaped so quickly. There had still been a good bit of work left to do, after all. A good bit of work and, she thought sourly, the attention of their overseer. Aurelie didn't really think he'd asked her to wait just to be alone with the Matron's attentions. That was a ridiculous idea, and probably unfair. She was just in a poor humor, so the image wouldn't exactly leave her either.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The longer she sat in the canteen, pushing the food around in front of her, the more foolish she felt. She had agreed to wait for Fionn to talk to him, because he'd asked. Her exhaustion was catching up to her and she'd almost fallen asleep in the bath, but she was sitting here waiting for an undetermined amount of time anyway. Aurelie knew she wasn't going to leave, either. This dinner could stretch out as long as she needed it to. As long as she needed it to? No. No, she thought miserably, as long as she felt like she could wait for Fionn without someone taking notice. She would likely have gone to bed without it if she weren't waiting. What a twit she was. Not for the first time, she wondered what he must think of her. This wasn't something a sensible person would do; a sensible person would have left, tried to see him again another time. What could possibly be so urgent?

She spent some time like this, taking small bites of her food as it cooled, lost in thought at the table she had chosen specifically because it was somewhat empty and relatively out of the way. A few others came and left. Maybe he isn't coming, and you're waiting like--like some kind of loyal dog, for no reason. There, wasn't that a cheerful line of thought? Something new to add to the arsenal. She could turn that one over in her mind for, oh, quite a while she felt. Brilliant.

But then--oh sweet Lady, he came after all. She saw him before he sat down, having kept one eye on the doors the whole time. Miserable as she'd been making herself, she smiled at him as he sat, close but not too close, and reached out his hand. Aurelie let her fingers wrap around briefly, astounded at how much steadier that made her feel.

"Oh--o-of course. I'm, er, I wasn't waiting long. Still eating. Ah." That was an understatement. She hadn't so much been eating as she had been moving her food into different configurations on her plate, taking a bite only as frequently as she thought she might be watched. "I don't mind waiting. Did you... come straight here?" That was a little cheering, even if she felt sorry he had done so for his own sake.

Ah--she had wondered what had been so important that he'd wanted her to wait for him. He'd wanted to press her further for information about Lars. Aurelie understood his concern, truly she did. She wanted to have information. Something more to say than "sorry". That Lars was missing and someone often found in his company was...

Wait. Drowned? ...Drowned? Aurelie was a little alarmed. What could--how did--accidents happened, to be sure, but drowning wasn't something that often came up. She understood Fionn's concern, but even as he named the dead woman and described Lars--no, she didn't know either of them. She couldn't help. Alarmed as she felt at hearing about drowning, she cared more about the face Fionn was making and all her regret was that she could do nothing to make it any better.

"I haven't, I'm sorry," she said in what she hoped was a sympathetic tone. He looked absolutely miserable. Abstractly, a small and selfish part of her wondered if anyone would make a face like that if she simply vanished one day. She doubted it. "Ah, I'm sorry you... you had to rush over here for nothing. I could--I could ask? Someone? My new roommate, she's a courier, I think. So she, ah--she has to travel all over Brunnhold. She might have seen... something."

Fionn said something else before he turned his attention back to his food that made Aurelie frown. "Why, er. Not to p-pry but... can you not ask Niamh...?" He'd said something like that before, too--that he hadn't seen her. Aurelie's impression from her brief interactions with both of them had been one of if not perfect sibling closeness, at least something fond. What on Vita could have made him ask her before Niamh?

[Fionn]

Hamis 25, 2719 | Late Evening
Passive Canteen, Brunnhold

.

To say that Aurelie was unhappy was an understatement; she looked really clocking miserable. Honestly, she looked almost as bad as he felt. A glance at her plate showed that her food had hardly been touched. He had to wonder what had her so troubled; he hoped that it wasn’t because of him. He wished that he could embrace her, provide comfort to them both but damn it, he could barely touch her when they were in this place with so many eyes upon them.

Clocking hell, he thought that she was miserable on his account. He hadn’t wanted to have his mood rub off on the young woman and he was sorry if it had. Had he said something wrong before or was this purely because of what she’d witnessed in the storeroom? Fionn had no idea and while he doubted that anyone would overhear them, he still wished that they had some real privacy.

“I came straight here, yeah. I can- Keyes has a washroom,” he explained, a tad self-conscious. If he’d been sitting here before then he might have suspected that his scent was putting her off her food — evidently not. Thinking about it though, he sniffed the other passive surreptitiously, appreciating the soft scent of soap that wafted from her, especially her hair. Sweet.

Sitting beside her was somewhat soothing, her nearness reassuring but unfortunately, he found that he was beginning to worry about her a little bit too. She really did seem upset and he wasn’t sure if he should call her out on the way she was picking at her food or not.

She seemed sympathetic to his situation though — or was trying to be. He wasn’t sure that her heart was wholly in her words of commiseration. Belatedly, the youth realised that she might have worked out the Hessean’s significance to him after all, even though Fionn hadn’t explained it to her. Not explicitly but perhaps his concern was proof enough, or the way he’d stuttered as he tried to identify what his former roommate was to him.

Important. He’d said that the other man was important to him. A bit of an understatement in truth but perhaps he’d hurt her by saying it. If she thought that-

“I’m sorry that you haven’t- It’s fine, I need to go the g-g-golly route. Tomorrow. Maybe. It might be too late to do it n-n-now,” he admitted, frowning deeply at the prospect of waiting until tomorrow evening to find out news about Lars. It would be worse, of course, if there was no news; maybe the galdori in Laboratory Beta didn’t know anything about his disappearance. Was he overreacting though? No, it seemed unlikely. Someone would have encountered the young man by this point and if they hadn’t…

“I didn’t come just to ask about Lars. I wanted to see you, Aurelie,” he assured her, worried brown gaze turned in her direction, darting to her plate before his frown deepened. “I didn’t want- I haven’t had a chance to meet with you b-because I- Niamh said she talked to you and-”

The servant broke off, taking a deep breath to steady himself and calm his tongue so he wouldn’t trip over it as he spoke. The remembrance of the argument with his sister rose in his mind, his anger at her still sharp in his mind although somewhat tempered by some degree of guilt.

“She met with me the day after she met with you and she was- Good Lady, she was pissed. She had all sorts of ideas about me, about how I must have all of these… these… schemes! She was ready to accuse me of all sorts because she doesn’t trust me not to- Niamh pulls ideas out of her clocking erse and just… acts as if they’re irrefutable facts instead of something out of her imagination.”

The teenager speared a carrot savagely enough with his fork that it broke apart around the prongs and one half of it flew off his plate to skitter across the table. With a sigh, he leaned to retrieve it, aware that their table mates were staring. He met the gaze of each directly and raised his brows, enough frustration and irritation in his face that they looked away hastily. He turned his attention back to his plate and did his best to lower his voice, although a hard edge remained in it. His right hand balled into a fist on his thigh.

“I had an argument with her because she was being clocking unfair and… and nasty. She tried to shove me with magic so I shoved her and told her things that she… she didn’t want to hear. Some truths,” Fionn explained, his voice carrying a note of grim satisfaction. “But she fucking deserved it! She can insult me all she wants, even if I don’t deserve it but she said things about you — assumed things — and I wasn’t having it.”

Another carrot fell foul of his frustration but this time, nothing went flying even though the young man’s hand was slightly tremulous. He was breathing a bit heavily but he looked at her, his gaze intense but earnest, flicking away briefly to check that they hadn’t caught the attention of a Patron or Matron. He forced his fist to unfurl and sought her hand again, this time aiming to thread his fingers through hers and rest their joined hands on his leg, his grip perhaps a little too tight to be comfortable.

“Look, I… I-I-I care about Lars. He saved my life and he’s- I’m- You know he’s important to m-m-me but it doesn’t mean that y-you aren’t,” he whispered.
Gods, to be able to stroke her cheek or tuck her hair behind her ear right now… Fucking rules!

“You’re important, okay? I-I-I don’t tend to like people like this b-b-but I like you and I… I’m going to fix this with Niamh a-a-and I’ll get you to the lab and- I’m just so worried and I’m an idiot and I make such a mess of things!”

He broke off with a huff of frustration, dropping his fork so that he could scrub his hand across his face before dragging it back through his hair to tangle in the locks at the base of his neck. If she’d allowed him to take her hand then he’d release it now, placing it on the table.

Fionn’s face was flushed and he was sure to draw attention to them both soon if he didn’t calm down. He stared at his dinner — half devoured — and wondered how quickly he could scoff the rest; if he finished then he could leave and she couldn’t get in trouble on his account if he became more upset, which seemed likely.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

The fog of sleep that clouded her brain was pierced a little when Fionn looked from her to her barely-touched plate. Ah. That looked bad, didn't it. Her own self-inflicted misery wasn't the only reason she hadn't eaten much, but that was probably written all over her face. She couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it, it seemed. She stabbed a vegetable and took a mechanical bite, as if to prove that there was no reason to be concerned.

Aurelie felt even more sorry that she had nothing useful to say to Fionn at his confirmation that he'd come straight here. It couldn't have been worth it, and while she didn't mind in particular it couldn't be wildly pleasant for him. Maybe she should have said something, not just nodded, before she left? Though she wasn't sure what she could have said.

"O-oh. I would have waited. Er. It would have been okay if-- well. N-not that, ah, I just mean, you didn't have to... to hurry. I would have been here." Her babbling was interrupted by a slight yawn. Gracious Lady she was exhausted. Aurelie was very tempted to push her plate out of the way and just lay directly on the table. Or not even bother with the plate, and just put her face into her potatoes. That might be pushing it. Besides, Fionn was here now, she needed to stay awake. Upright. Coherent. As coherent as she ever was. He was still talking and-- oh.

"Oh," she said again, out loud this time. Her voice came out strange. Had he--he wanted to see her? Aurelie was so tired she couldn't even begin to contain her expression. It flickered erratically between surprised and a sort of dimwitted pleasure. Aurelie knew she was unreasonable, nobody knew that better than her, but it somehow surprised her every time he showed the slightest interest in her company. Coming to ask her more questions she understood, that had made sense at least. He'd spoken to Niamh and still wanted to see her? That was doubly surprising--she couldn't imagine the review of that particular conversation went anything other than poorly.

"...I might have made that wo--oh!" The carrot went flying. The others turning to stare made her more actively conscious that they were in public. She really needed to get a grip on herself. It wasn't--she shouldn't draw attention, and if she kept making the sorts of faces she knew she was making, someone was going to take more than a passing interest. Still, she could have laughed when he kept talking--nearly did, though it would have had an edge of exhausted hysteria. Oh, bells and chimes, that must look awful.

"I. Hmm. I, er, might have made that worse," Aurelie confessed, trying to keep her voice quiet. It wasn't that them fighting amused her--quite the opposite, really, and it concerned her that it had apparently gotten so nasty--but... Maybe Niamh was a little bit right. "I, ah. Might have said some things I shouldn't have. To her. Erm. She said some, uhm, w-well I probably... Hmm. I shouldn't, ah, repeat this, I'm sorry, but I was m-mad about the way she was talking about you, and. Uhm. I suppose she said this to you, directly, didn't she, er. I might have been nasty to her. A little bit." She made a sleepy half-hearted pinching gesture with her hands and crooked her mouth into an embarrassed half-smile. "She, ah, seems to think we have... similar tempers. I'm sorry if I... hmm. I might have given her a, er, very poor impression. Of me. And. Yes. I'm sorry."

Gods wasn't that embarrassing to admit. Aurelie wasn't sure if she would have said anything about it at all if she could have avoided it, but it was just--she was touched that it sounded like he might have gotten angry on her behalf. Probably unnecessary, she had really made a very bad impression, but it was. Sweet. Was it okay to think that was nice, in its own way? Was it okay to think that maybe, maybe, her anxieties were wrong, and she hadn't made the worst impression on the person whose opinion of her actually mattered to her here? Aurelie wasn't sure, but she leaned a little into his slightly too-tight grip on her hand.

Important.

"O-oh. I... Oh. I'm-- oh."

Gracious Lady, was she out of her mind? Aurelie felt pressure building behind her eyes. She blinked it away rapidly. Doubtless she was even more weary than she had thought before. There was no reason to... to feel so... overwhelmed. It was just--important? Her? In what way? She couldn't even be useful. Look at her now--almost giddy because he took her hand for a moment and said she might matter to him at all. It felt ghoulish, he was so distraught. Stupid. Green eyes flicked out to scan the room, looking for signs of--yes, they were attracting more attention than she'd like. Her hands itched to reach back out, but she folded them primly on her lap. There was a bit of thread in her pocket which she wrapped around her right index finger, trying to pull it taut against her skin. Wrap and release.

"Do you need to go? You can, I--I wasn't going to eat much more anyway. I was just waiting to see you r-really and--er. I mean. Because you said, ah..." Aurelie exhaled; her right hand came out of her pocket and she tilted her head to rest her cheek on the knuckles of her fist. Her eyes fluttered closed. "...I wish we were alone. Ah--I mean. It's hard to... to have a--er. You're not an idiot. I might be though. Sorry." Aurelie raised her eyebrows, her eyes still closed, trying to take the weight out of her words by making some kind of ridiculous face, but too sleepy to pull it off properly.

[Fionn]

Hamis 25, 2719 | Late Evening
Passive Canteen, Brunnhold

.

Fionn found that he was quite worried about Aura — when he bothered to take his head out of his own erse and worry about people other than himself. That was what he was doing really, even with this Lars thing — worrying about himself. Yes, there was concern for Lars, of course there was but so much of his anxiety had a selfish root. What he thought about was how he’d feel if he lost the Hessean, if he never had a chance to patch up things and make up for how he’d left things.

Fionn, Fionn and more Fionn. Everything revolved around him! But that was why he cared, wasn’t it? The blond had forged a connection to him that meant that he had an impact. He was invested in the young man because he was a part of his own happiness. Not that he was wholly selfish of course. As long as the other was all right, even if he was somewhere where he could never see Lars again then he would hurt obviously but he’d still be glad to know that he was safe and he would hope for his happiness and wellbeing. However, the problem was that that safety seemed unlikely.

The point was that the world didn’t revolve solely around himself and so he could see that his companion was exhausted — when he wasn’t using her as emotional support. Even knowing that she was exhausted, he put it aside as something less pressing than conversation — they needed to talk to each other.

He believed that she would have waited for him and thus, he was glad that he had rushed to meet her because otherwise, the poor girl might well have fallen asleep in her dinner. At least with him here, she had some liveliness, a sufficient degree of alertness — for now. Perhaps he could coax her to eat because she might not do it of her own accord otherwise; she hadn’t done a good job thus far.

At least he’d done something right though, reducing her misery as she seemed to take pleasure in being the focus of his attention. That he’d wanted to talk to her and the fact that she was important to him seemed to please her greatly — quite obviously so because it was writ large on her face for all to see. Did she realise that she was broadcasting? Probably not. Was he going to warn her to stop? Fuck no but that was him being selfish all over again; Fionn wanted to see those emotions on her face and what was more, he wanted to respond to them in kind.

It was good to feel a little queasy for a reason other than worry, his heart warming in his chest for the first time in- Well, since whatever time he’d discovered that Lars was missing. She was making him feel in ways that were far preferable to the ones he’d been chasing all day. The things that she made him feel were definitely preferable to the others, including the ones that he’d felt while he’d been in the storeroom. Gods, if only it could have been her that he’d been with-

Fuck, don’t even think about that. Not now. Not ever but really not now, he thought, caught between anger, frustration and shame. He was allowing his physical state to have an effect on his thought processes. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about anything involving his own lingering randiness. This was the time to be thinking distinctly non-sexy thoughts like… how they’d both apparently turned on Niamh.

“I- She didn’t give any indication- If you were nasty, it didn’t come up. She was more… angry with me. And suspicious. Called me lying, manipulative. She thought that I uh… she suspected that I had erm… impure… intent,” he murmured awkwardly. His hand rubbed at the back of his neck as he went back to eating. This was not helping with calming his physical predicament.

“I don’t know about… impressions b-b-but she was more interested in me. She thought that I uh… wanted you in the lab to be uh… alone with you for more than… conversation,” he admitted, the teen aware that his face was hot. Quite a pair they must seem to anyone onlookers and there were quite a few onlookers unfortunately.

“But us? Similar? I mean… humour… yes? Temper… well, you do have that too,” Fionn confessed, chuckling softly. He was feeling terribly self-aware now . He hadn’t considered similarities between them or how those similarities might be something that appealed to him - their commonality. Thinking about it, it did make sense but it felt weird for his sister to have recognised it before he did.

Such thoughts also made him consider the two of them together, here and now before all manner of witnesses and yes, there were plenty of eyes upon them. With physical contact between them broken, Fionn took the opportunity to scoot a little away from her, widening the physical space between them. He found that he didn’t like doing it, didn’t enjoy giving up that sense of comfort that her proximity had brought him. As long as it made things seem a bit more proper though…

He angled his head away as she began talking, frowning at her apparent eagerness to get rid of him. No, she’d reached the same level of awareness that the teenager had and if reading his mind, she’d stumbled upon his thoughts to scoff his food and run. At least Aurelie understood and it wouldn’t be necessary to explain and reassure; he wasn’t planning to run off because he was disinterested. However, her reference to her meal drew a frown from him and a furtive dart of his brown eyes in the direction of her plate.

“Aura, you need to eat more than that. Please? You’ve had a long day and you need to- I can see that you’re tired but you need to eat. For me? Please?” he wheedled softly, the tilt of smile visible even though he was angled somewhat away.

Her next words made thought of food and her need for nourishment slide out of the forefront of his thoughts. He grew still, the servant stopping with his fork poised halfway to his mouth. He gulped audibly, the protuberance in his neck bobbing wildly up and down.

“I wish… we were alone too,” Fionn told her, his voice barely above a whisper as he released a shaky breath. “We aren’t though and we can’t be but… I do need to go. I want to drop into the lab and- I’m not leaving until you eat at least half of that.”

The youth turned stern at the end to order her but under it, he was feeling guilty. Had he really forgotten Lars for a few moments there? Had he managed to enjoy himself for a few stolen moments with Aurelie? He needed to be looking into things, needed to go see if he could catch his sister at the lab before it grew too late instead of… of… chatting up the diminutive woman.

She did need to eat though and he wasn’t leaving until she’d done that — he meant it!

[Aurelie Steerpike]

In her half-slumber, Aurelie's mind drifted. She was listening to Fionn talk, of course. She liked to listen to him talk, and felt that she would like it no matter what he was talking about. The sound of his voice shaped into vowels and consonants pleased her. If only... If only these were more pleasant circumstances. Still, she would take what she could get. Selfish, yes, but it was her own private selfishness. Nobody was harmed by her taking pleasure in hearing the voice of someone who was rapidly carving out a permanent place for himself in her heart.

"Oh? Did you not? Because I was hoping--" Her eyes, which had remained closed as she began to speak, snapped open. What had she just been about to say? Aurelie took her cheek off of her fist and cleared her throat, turned away. She turned a little red.

"Er, I'm--sorry, again for. Earlier. I'll--I'll apologize to Niamh too, again. Eventually. I think." Discussing their shared temperament was much safer territory, even if it did make her think uncomfortably of why she'd lost her patience with Niamh. As for her thoughts on Niamh's estimation of their similarities--Aurelie shrugged her shoulders, unsure of what else to say. Niamh had seemed to think it was more than temper, but had dismissed her own observations just as quickly. Aurelie didn't know what to make of it.

As much as she didn't want him to scoot away from her, it had been the right decision. Clearly, she was losing her mind. The Circle only knew what she'd say next. Appropriate dinner conversation was not proving to be her forte. So physical distance was good. There were just too many eyes. All she had meant by her wish to be alone was that it was difficult to have a real conversation with so many others around them, but... Well, no. That wasn't all she had meant. She also thought longingly of how much easier this all would have been if she could have just taken his hand, been close--something. Aurelie was not often given to physical expression of her affections, never had been even before her gating, there were just certain times when it made things easier to bear. Aurelie thought of his chin on her shoulder. Oddly, Aurelie thought also of her Nurse, the only person other than her sister who had ever touched her with affection, until now. A kind voice and a fond touch could sometimes be the only solution one needed.

Like she had been so often as a child, too, Aurelie found herself torn between a prickle of irritation at being told what to do and an overwhelming rush of affection that he should bother. He smiled as he wheedled her to eat, and she couldn't help but smile back. Cooks don't eat, she wanted to tease, but if he made good on his threat she didn't think she could bear it.

"Well, for you... I'll eat, don't worry. I'm fine." She put a few more bites of food in her mouth, as if to prove her point. She couldn't help but grimace around them--whoever was working had under-salted everything and it tasted terrible. "I'll eat if you--please rest. When you--after. I don't think that anyone who cares about you--er. At least, I... take care of yourself, too." Aurelie shoveled more food in her mouth after that, embarrassed to have spoken. She needed to eat quickly, because he had to go. Considering how little she had already eaten of her dinner, half... could take a while, if she didn't make the effort.

"Can I make... this is the wrong time, and I'm sorry, but I, er, I have a selfish request. Of you. Sort of." This wasn't a good idea, what she was about to ask. This wasn't a good time to ask it, either, but she didn't know what else to do. She was off-kilter, and she didn't like it. She hesitated, staring resolutely at her fork and rolling a carrot underneath it while she thought. Finally, she decided to just plunge straight ahead--albeit, delivered mostly in a mumble directed at her plate.

"If--I know you have, ah, other things going on but I-- A month is-- that is, if Niamh isn't... If Professor Moore says... Oh, bells and... and... Can I... try to... find... you? If that's n-not going to bother you, I mean, er, I don't know. I just--er. Nevermind. I'm sorry." If any of that was fully audible, it would be a miracle. Aurelie shoved her fork in her mouth and didn't turn to look at him. 'There's a spot in the garden', she was going to say, but it seemed too much so she stayed silent.

[Fionn]

Hamis 25, 2719 | Late Evening
Passive Canteen, Brunnhold

.

Fionn was trying to be good, he really was. He was doing his best to focus on clean thoughts and uninteresting things. Boring thoughts were good. Boring thoughts meant that he wouldn’t have to deal with any more physical discomfort and it would give things a chance to settle. When you had to touch upon certain subjects, it became a lot harder — unfortunately, quite literally — but he was managing. Until she opened her mouth of course.

Did he not-

Had his intentions been impure? Gods, yes. Not entirely but yes, clocking hell, he had definitely wanted to get her to Laboratory Beta to do more than talking — not to go as far as Niamh had suggested but far enough. It was the perfect chance to be alone, more or less, and so getting her involved in the research had been a good idea and not just because of his hopeful ulterior motives; she would be valuable to the work that needed to be done.

But she’d been hoping? What had she been hoping? Was there something she’d been hoping they could do? Something that could be classed as… impure? Good Lady, he wished that she’d finished that sentence because now he could only imagine the possibilities and that was not something that he needed going around in his mind right now. It was a rather… titillating idea.

His pulse accelerated and he cleared his throat awkwardly because he didn’t trust himself to say anything acceptable in response to that. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to ignore the tightening sensation that her words had produced. Had it always been this hot in here? Was anyone else this hot? Was he flushed? Yes, he was probably flushed.

Fucking hell, did she have any idea what she was doing to him?

A glance towards her showed that she’d turned a rather fetching shade of pink that he found very attractive. Far, far too attractive right now. Sweet Lady, he had wanted a distraction but this was really far too interesting a divergence for him under present circumstances. Even so, it was shocking just how much damage a few little words had caused; he wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to retrieve the thoughts that she’d derailed.

Niamh. Apologising to Niamh. Oh right… yes. He’d have to- No, they hadn’t been talking about him apologising, had he? He’d have to do that though or at least- No, surely if he asked her about Lars, she wouldn’t hold his words against him, would she? Fionn would find out soon enough; once Aura behaved herself — eating would be ideal, but if he’d appreciate her controlling her tongue as well — then he’d be able to go to Laboratory Beta — if it wasn’t too late.

He cleared his throat again. “Oh well, I’m glad that you’ll eat for me — given that you won’t eat for yourself,” he commented, focusing closely on his own food as he continued to pick at it, his pace slowed now so that he wouldn’t finish too quickly. His blush deepened a moment later and for reasons very different from what had prompted it in the first place.

“I- Well, I’ll- Yes, I’ll rest,” the youth murmured, rubbing at the back of his rosy neck. “You could um… say that you- You can say that you… care, you know. If that’s what you- I care about you if that wasn’t erm… apparent,” the teenager admitted shyly, allowing his gaze to stray as far as her plate to check on her progress because godsdamnit, he wasn’t going to look any higher and risk catching her eyes. It did dart up though in surprise before dropping back to the safety of his plate as she spoke again.

A selfish request? His mind jumped to possibilities that he didn’t need to be considering right now although his face couldn’t get any more scarlet at this point; his pulse felt strong enough to rupture blood vessels though.

Steady now! Don’t jump to conclusions! the blond admonished himself, resisting the urge to fan himself. It really was rather hot in here!

As he waited for her to voice her request, he had to stop himself from staring at her in an eager, expectant fashion. If he could open her mind and pluck the thoughts he wanted directly from it then he would have done so because he was more than a little impatient to know what she could possibly want. As he squirmed in his seat, he couldn’t help wondering if it had anything to do with what she’d almost said before about what she’d been hoping.

Her voice was so soft that he had to tilt his head in her direction, straining to hear the all important words that she was imparting to her dinner. Her struggle to get out a full, coherent sentence out didn’t make his job any easier, the young man sitting frozen in place as he concentrated on deciphering what she was saying. When she got to the end, he leaned away again, brows furrowing.

“Find me? You make it sound like I’m going to be difficult to find,” he commented, words slow and bemused. She had a fair idea where he’d be and she’d sought him out before, concerned about bothering him then too.

Oh. Oh!

“Oh you mean… can you come seek me out? You want to know if- Of course, you can come see me, Aura. If you need to. I-I-It’s not that I wouldn’t want you to, I just- I don’t want you to risk trouble. If you left in the middle of a shift- Unless you wanted to meet after work but I don’t tend to- We could meet somewhere but I- Did you want to set up a meeting?” he asked, words coming out in an awkward rush. He cleared his throat.

“I tend to go out… when the moon is a certain way. If that- If you wanted it to be a regular thing then we could meet and uh… talk?”

His mouth had gone rather dry, the purpose of their meeting a question because he was hoping that she’d disagree; he was hoping that she’d make a more interesting suggestion than talking.

He was still worried about Lars but gosh, Aura was doing an excellent job of putting it at some distance. Apparently, she was helping him learn to compartmentalise.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

"I do work in a kitchen, you know," she commented mildly, covering her shyness with a teasing lilt. To be so embarrassed to admit she cared about Fionn's well-being at this point felt silly, but she couldn't help it. Aurelie Steerpike was not a woman accustomed to caring specifically about other people. Oh, she cared in an abstract way--she didn't want people to suffer, generally. Admitting fondness for a specific, individual person, however? That was rare, and always had been. "...I, er. Yes, that was what I was trying to say. That I, ah. C-care. About. Uh. You. So, uh, good. Erm. Hmm."

If she turned any more scarlet, she would catch on fire. This was happening to her a lot, this last month or so. Aurelie struggled to remember what it was like when her life was less--ruffled. Was that the right word? She certainly felt ruffled. Her muttered request had been meant to make her feel more settled, to secure some kind of permission to not just... wait. Aurelie didn't know if her nerves could bear another month of complete absence. A whole lifetime without having ever exchanged three words with Fionn, but now a month seemed like an eternity to her. Ridiculous. It had not made her feel more settled, at all. Instead, Aurelie had found a new and different way to feel unsteady.

Talking--well. Yes. She did want to talk to him. She liked talking to him. Aurelie very much wanted to see if they could get to a place where they could carry on a whole conversation without her doing or saying something awkward. And she wanted to--to know him better. Bells and chimes, she didn't even know how old he was. About her age, as far as she could tell, but it was such a basic fact and she didn't know it. She wanted to hear about his drawing, about his roommates, about things he liked and things he didn't, how his days had been. And to tell him things, too. "Your sister said she would bring me books, and that was after I yelled at her," she wanted to say. "Maybe I can make you something that looks nicer, someday." Aurelie didn't think of herself as a very interesting person, and her life was very small and contained--but she wanted to share it.

She hadn't been thinking about talking.

Fionn had moved away from her, which had seemed like a good idea at the time even to her. Now she looked around and thought she would have to be far too loud to admit what she wanted to admit. Aurelie chewed on her lip and dared to turn her face to look him in the eyes. Was it okay, to say this now? He had other things on his mind. He needed to leave. It wasn't the right time to--but he hadn't left yet. Aurelie was just exhausted enough to not have the energy to think better of her actions. What had Niamh said, about respectable women? They don't want. It was a very good thing that no amount of respectability could impact prospects one simply didn't have, for better or ill. Because if wanting disqualified one from respectability, she certainly... certainly wasn't very respectable.

Aurelie shifted to angle herself closer, just so. She didn't want to seem too obvious, but she also didn't want the whole table to hear her. That rather defeated the point of it all, didn't it? Maybe if she was sufficiently general, it would be... it would be okay.

"I, ah. Yes I-- w-want that. I... I was-- er." This was terrible. Aurelie's mumbling was halting, and she leaned in just a little more to make sure she could be heard. "I-if you wouldn't be opposed, there's--er. I didn't think of this b-before, but there's a, er. A small garden. I pass it fairly often, a-and it isn't very popular. There's a sort of--a. Bench? Arbor? I, ah. I take my sewing practice there. When the weather allows. Uhm. It's, not, er. Invisible. But it is... hard to... see. I think it, well I assume it was more attractive when it was put in place but now it's. Well. Good for talking. Or..." Aurelie bit her lip and looked down, shy but too tired to control herself. Her plate was temporarily abandoned. "...Not. Not talking. Whichever--er. Yes."

Ticks, her tongue was escaping her. Aurelie wanted to blame it on exhaustion, but it might have been more than that. Circle keep her, she had been lonely. For years, she'd been lonely without realizing it, but now she had a specific person to think about. That helped, and it didn't.

"I'm sorry, I know this isn't the time-- Really, er, you don't-- you know where I am, too, so, ah, if you wanted to think about it s-some other time, when-- well p-please don't think too long. Er. That's the selfish part, I, uhm. Will m-miss... you. ...What's your favorite color?" The last she threw on in a rush, a half-hearted attempt to balance out the pace her pulse had picked up. Was it wildly unrelated? Yes. Was that the point? Also yes.

[Fionn]

Hamis 25, 2719 | Late Evening
Passive Canteen, Brunnhold

.

The youth had missed this. There was an incredible degree of awkwardness here but there was something strangely pleasant about it. He managed to enjoy it — when he didn’t feel like he could die of embarrassment. It was quite different to what he’d experienced before and maybe that was why he took such enjoyment from their interactions. Or he was just a glutton for punishment — that was a distinct possibility as well. Their interactions had something sweet about them, even in the midst of the awkwardness and if he was embarrassed then at least he wasn’t alone in that.

So different from how he interacted with Lars; the Hessean was always so closed off in comparison except when they were in each other’s arms. He didn’t have to be kissing Aurelie to produce a response in her but that didn’t mean that he loved Lars any less. He didn’t know if he was overreacting just because he was feeling guilty about distancing himself from the man of late. Fionn hadn’t begun distancing himself because of Aura but she was definitely helping him keep up the trend. Even now, he found himself focusing on her instead of on his former roommate.

Did he actually have reason to worry or was all of this the result of a guilty conscience? If he was logical about this then would he still have cause for concern? Besides, was he really in a hurry to talk to his sister — or Harper — to find out if they knew anything about Lars’ fate? He’d had his chance earlier and had chosen to go to the laundries instead. The question once more was did he really want to know if it turned out that he didn’t like the answer?

He wasn’t leaving Aurelie yet anyway so there was no point in worrying about whether he actually wanted to talk to someone about the blond tonight or not. Besides… was it so bad to forget for a few moments?

Maybe Fionn was as selfish as Niamh had accused him of being. But was it so bad to find comfort in the passive woman? Probably… He did feel at least somewhat guilty so that counted for something; at least he knew that he was being a bad person.

A faint smile found its way to his lips when she admitted that she cared about him. He hadn’t had too many people admit that to him before that they gave a damn about what happened to him. It was incredibly sweet. They hardly knew each other but he did feel as if they’d connected so it wasn’t too early to care. Besides, he felt concern for her too. You didn’t have to be in love with someone to give a damn about their wellbeing. You didn’t even have to have a crush on them — something that he definitely did have — to want to see them hale and hearty.

The middle Madden was forced to lean close to her again — tense as he thought of what attention they must be garnering — just so he could listen to her. She spoke of a garden — an almost secret garden — and even though he had other concerns, his interest was most definitely piqued. A dreamy little smile appeared at the peaceful image that she conjured up. He could imagine her sitting there, working quietly at her needlework amongst greenery. Maybe she’d sat there, peering at ivy while she worked on the handkerchief that she’d given him. Had she bit her lip as she concentrated or pouted? Or was she the sort to stick her tongue out? He didn’t know. There was so much that he didn’t know about her but this little garden that she spoke about sounded like a venue where he could find out.

It would be a good place to talk. Or not to talk. Oh clock the Circle… would it be private enough for that? He had no idea but even thinking about it-

“I-I… I’d like that,” he whispered, fingers running through blond locks as he found himself nodding. He wasn’t agreeing for the sake of it; he really did find the idea appealing. “Where is it? Is it near the Scrap- near the wards?” the youth questioned, head tilting.

Brown eyes darted to the side and yes, their table mates were watching again, glancing away guiltily as his gaze flicked over them.

“N-n-no, it’s okay. I want to, I just- I have to go tho- Wha- I uh-”

He was trying to speak at the exact moment she stated that she’d miss him and the teenager choked. He turned his face away, fingers moving agitatedly over his neck, his shoulder, over and through his hair. One hand settled for drumming on the table while the other shakily wielded his fork.

She’d miss him.

She’d miss him.

In the Lady’s Name! He had no idea what to say to that. He had no idea what to make of that admittance. She was- She shouldn’t feel- He wasn’t worth that!

But his lips tilted up anyway, even in spite of his embarrassment, even as he struggled to process from whence on Vita those words had come. The only one who had ever cared enough to say that was Niamh. When she had gone off to Brunnhold for the first time, she had said that she’d miss him and then she had forgotten—not forgotten but he’d dropped lower in her list of concerns—and so no one had been bothered with him since. No one had wanted him enough to care about when he wasn’t around.

And so he grinned. He grinned like a bloody idiot. He tried to shovel food into his stupid grinning mouth so he could run before someone came over and separated the pair who were so obviously sharing something that they weren’t supposed to be sharing.

He spluttered and coughed, pounding his chest briefly before reaching for a drink. He cleared his throat, eyes watering from the coughing. In the pause, he sucked in much needed air and then risked turning to look at her. He opened his mouth to say something.

‘I’ll miss you too’? He had no idea if that was true so he couldn’t say that.

His lips moved but nothing came out, speech faltering because he didn’t know what to say. He cleared his throat.

“I-I-I look forward to- If the situation was- It’s blue! St-stupid but bl-bl-blue,” he blurted out, tugging at the soft blue shirt that he wore and then giggled a little manically.

“I need to- Sorry.”

That was his best attempt at a farewell, the young man trying to stand straight up and free himself from the bench at the first time. Gravity slammed him back down on his erse as one led slid back under the seat and caught on its underside when he tried to stand. Hastily, he moved to untangle himself.

He hadn’t finished his dinner — not entirely — but he couldn’t sit here any longer; if he stayed then he’d somehow become more stupid.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

As soon as Aurelie had let the words "I'll miss you" slip out of her mouth, she regretted them. They were true, she meant them; it just seemed like too much to say. She wasn't sure she was allowed to feel that way. Was there a certain amount of time one was supposed to wait before the absence of someone was noticeable? How long was it? Was it measured in hours, days--or was it the number of meetings and partings? Aurelie didn't know. There were people in her life she had spent much more time with, and she didn't think of them at all when they weren't around. To dissect what was different here and why seemed far beyond what she could do, here, right now, with sleep weighing her down even more now that she'd managed to eat something. Maybe she was just stupid, losing her head over a pretty face.

"It's not too far--nearer the kitchens than the ward. To the east. T-the garden is small and not very-- it's sort of-- hidden away. It's, ah, an easy stop for m-me. Usually. Between... between work shifts. I'm--I could, er. Show you. Sometime."

Shyness overwhelmed her, but he smiled and she couldn't look away. He spluttered and coughed and she smiled herself, covering her face with her hands. Blue, it was blue. She would remember that. Blue.

Aurelie bit her lip to keep from laughing as Fionn stood, or tried to stand. She didn't trust herself to do any better if she stood, so she remained seated. Frozen in place by affection, embarrassment, a kind of tense fear that she was getting too ahead of herself.

"Goodnight," she said quietly and only a little regretfully. "And, ah, I-- uhm. I hope... everything turns out alright. With. Everything. Er." Aurelie swallowed, looked up and smiled. The expression was small, much smaller than the shifts her face had been through all night, but more pleasant, too. As soon as he was out of sight she would go back to her room, climb into her bed, and leave her anxiety for another day. Blue.