[Mature] Thin Line (Aura)

[Fionn]

Hamis 32, 2719 | Midday
Laboratory Beta

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Bliss. Perfect bliss. He could have curled up in feline contentment only for the fact that he didn’t want to move. In fact, the young man would have been happy to never move again, more than willing to stay with her like this indefinitely. Alas, it wasn’t possible and there was no point dwelling on what couldn’t be. At the very least, he could currently cuddle with her, the young woman leaning against him and using his shoulder as a pillow. It was pleasant and given how she’d acted a few moments before, he assumed that she’d managed to gain satisfaction equal to his own but he still felt the need to confirm, just in case he’d misread things. He didn’t think that he had and while he’d already attained his full pleasure and there was little that could put a dampener on his languid contentment, Fionn did think that he’d be disappointed if she hadn’t climaxed as well. Thoughts—real thoughts—were beginning to move through his mind again and his emotional range had extended beyond the primal once more so that he was a little anxious to hear her answer, a certain degree of shame and guilt sure to follow it if she responded in the negative; she did not.

The teenager sighed, relief and delight flooding through him. He found himself grinning, a little smug in the knowledge and perhaps more than a little proud.

“Good! I thought that you had, uh… I’m g-glad,” he admitted with a nervous laugh, the young man finding himself a bit shy. That he should be that way after what they’d just done seemed a bit ridiculous but this experience they’d shared was new, the intimacy hardly planned or expected. It had been fantastic, he thought, but now that the heat of the moment had passed, he found himself vulnerable before her and he hadn’t even bared himself to her. Fionn was vulnerable and shy but also incredibly pleased.

He cradled her against himself, breathing her in. The salty smell of sweat clung to her as surely as it did to him, albeit there was something else underpinning it for her, difficult to place but he liked it. He liked it a lot. However, the blond was now more fully aware of the condition of his body, damp and sticky, not pleasant now that he wasn’t distracted and things were beginning to cool. It would pass and he could live with it until he had a chance to clean up but it was something that they shared for the most part, albeit, the young man thought that he was the messier of the two. He’d have to let her clean up first before she went back to her work, although he didn’t want her to go, not yet. It couldn’t be put off indefinitely though, even if she had been picked up by a galdor.

A galdor who would certainly not have sanctioned this!

Maybe he should have felt guilty about it, betraying his sister’s trust — abusing it — but he found that he didn’t. They’d enjoyed themselves, experienced something wonderful together in this hellhole and most importantly, they hadn’t caused any harm. They hadn’t had sex so the kitchen maid wouldn’t get pregnant and they hadn’t interfered with anybody else, hadn’t ruined anybody’s life so there had been no harm in it. Fionn couldn’t imagine why he should feel sorry for what had just taken place — there was nothing to feel guilty or apologetic about. As it was, they now had a delicious little secret between them, something that was theirs — and theirs alone!

He sniggered when she said that she couldn’t move, his eyes drifting down to consider the position of her limbs and how much feeling she must have lost. Not that she’d seemed to have lost much of anything when she’d locked her knees around his hips and rutted against him. Just thinking about it widened the grin on his face, the expression a little dreamy because it was surreal; it was hard to believe that that had really happened. No doubt, he’d turn the memories over later in disbelief, wondering how he had gotten quite so lucky with Aurelie. This incident would definitely be providing some fuel for fantasies in the future — not that he’d be telling her that! The passive had no idea how she might take such information.

When she shifted and clambered off his lap, the youth groaned in disappointment before sighing with resignation, experimentally stretching out his own legs to ensure he still had feeling in them. Her absence in his lap was a loss to him, even though there was a dull ache where she had been from the pressure her body had placed on him but a lazy stretch made the blood flow back in a normal pattern. She settled against him from the side so the servant shifted an arm around her shoulders, leaning his head towards the top of hers. One of her fingers moved over his thigh and it made something beneath the surface shiver. He couldn’t again but... if she carried on, she might well get a rise out of him. At the very least, he was feeling pretty sensitive right now so the movements of her finger was… conspicuous. He made a grumbling sound that might have been a protest if it had managed to sound irritated instead of appreciative. He couldn’t deny that it was quite nice but also stimulating, something for which he wasn’t able right now.

Her ‘confession’ drew a snort from him, Fionn turning his head so he could give her a sidelong look, brows raising.

“Really? Blessed Lady, I’m glad that you told me or I wouldn’t have had a clue otherwise,” he responded dryly, corner of his mouth quirking up. He rolled his eyes, not sure that she’d see it but it was appropriate. His voice was softer and without a trace of sarcasm as he continued.

“Well, I like you too. So you know for posterity. Like you quite a bit actually. You’re all right — for a girl,” he told her, the tease slipping from his tongue as he blushed. He found it awkward to admit — not that it wasn’t true of course — but he felt that it should be said, the humour was just there to make it easier for him. Humour had always worked as a decent shield for him, although it had often gotten him smacked more than a sullen attitude ever had. At least he knew that if she hit him for his remark, it’d only be playful.

The youth stretched out a hand to halt her finger so she’d stop drawing patterns on his leg. He needed to concentrate and he didn’t need her distracting him like that, not when he had something he wanted to say before he thought better of it. He couldn’t expect her to know things if he didn’t tell her and there were things that he wanted to know as well. His cocky bravado wasn’t around to help him out, which was a shame; he could have really done with it right about now.

“Look, what we just did- I mean, you were- You have no idea how… how fantastic you were, I n-n-never expected- I’m grateful and I’m glad… I’m glad it happened,” Fionn explained in a rush, a smile in his voice. Belatedly, he realised that it sounded an awful lot as if a ‘but’ was going to come in somewhere.

“Did you… did you like it? Would you… would you want to do it again?” he asked hesitantly before continuing in something of a flustered panic. “N-N-Not now! Obviously! I’m not able- I mean, in the future, we could- If you wanted. You can say no, I wouldn’t- I don’t want you to feel that you’d have to do it if- I’m j-j-just as happy to kiss o-o-or even just talk! I don’t want- I don’t want…”

He didn’t know what he was trying to add, not the words anyway. In his head, he knew that he didn’t want her to feel pressured or coerced. He couldn’t convey that though, nor could he convey the paranoia that had taken root in him that what had just occurred might not have been something that Aurelie wanted. Sometimes you did things that you didn’t want to because it would please someone else and the teenager was all too aware that you could physically enjoy something even when you ultimately wanted to have said no to it. The youth was projecting, or he hoped that that was what he was doing. If she actually hadn’t wanted this then he’d die on the spot from horror and guilt.

It made him squirm where he sat, the fear and worry he felt not something that he could keep off his face either.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Aurelie wrinkled her nose and elbowed Fionn lightly in the side when he teased her. There was no force in it or even real upset. A light jostling, fond as much as anything.

"Brat," she grumbled, but she was smiling when she said it. What she'd said had been silly, she knew. It wasn't like she hadn't already said it, over and over, before. Sitting here with his arm around her shoulders though, she just felt... She wanted to say it again, to confirm that... She didn't know what. Maybe she just needed to hear it back, again, when they weren't doing anything in particular. Everything had been wonderful, was still wonderful, but there was a part of her heart that felt newly vulnerable.

'What am I to you?' is what she wanted to ask, but she was a little afraid of the answer. She couldn't imagine--couldn't even begin to let herself imagine--that whatever she was, it was terribly important. He'd said otherwise, it was just... she didn't really know what that meant. For now she was just happy to hear that he liked her and to keep her anxiety to herself. It could wait. Certainly it wasn't going to leave her entirely.

Fionn stilled her finger. Had it been annoying? Probably. Then he started speaking, Aurelie feeling a strange mix of embarrassment and elation to hear it. The girl was glad too, and grateful, and all of the rest. This hadn't been what she expected to happen, either. Not generally, and certainly not today. Maybe it shouldn't mean so much, but it did. She couldn't help but let it, when she had no reason to think such a thing would ever happen to her in all her life. Even just this much.

Still. There was a dreadful moment where she felt so certain that there was a catch there. He was--maybe he was going to say she shouldn't see him again, or... Or something else, more dreadful yet, though Aurelie hadn't any idea just what that might be. Her shoulders stiffened, bracing herself for the blow... but it never came.

"Did I...?" Had she liked it? Blessed Lady! Wasn't that just a little obvious? Just a bit? Was there any part to not like? Aurelie couldn't help herself--she laughed. Whatever motivated him to need to ask the question, she didn't know, but it was sweet. Everything about him was. Always so, so careful. Though she was just touched and pleased, she heard the panic and wiggled a little so she could look at him before she answered.

The fear on his face broke her heart. What had put it there? Hadn't she been clear enough? Maybe that wasn't it, though she didn't know what it could be. His worries seemed different from hers, though the results were similar. Aurelie wondered, in the back of her mind, if she would ever come to know. They'd shared so many secrets already, and made a new one--maybe someday she would. Or not. Maybe she was imagining things, but Aurelie didn't think so.

"Of course I would," she assured him, her voice as sincere as she could make it. Lady but it was embarrassing to say so plainly. There were just some things where one should, she supposed, be plain. At least as plain as she could make them, given the way she was. "I-- I liked it very much, yes. I, er. I'm--I'm glad too. Happy and-- oh chimes, this is very... N-nothing would make me happier, I think. H-haven't I already... I w-want to see you, to do... er. W-whatever comes up. Ah. Hmm."

Her piece said, she had to look away again, overwhelmed by the boldness of it. Her face, which had started to return to a normal color, warmed up again. For a moment she let herself long for something far out of her grasp--that she was a normal girl, that they both were just as they should have been, and none of this would have to be so hard. Because it would be hard, and foolish. There was nothing she could do to stop herself, she knew. Worth it. But it would be hard.

"...Though I doubt we can--er. I don't know if--I don't know how to..." Aurelie bit her lip and chewed on it. "I-it... it will be hard. T-to manage. Is... is that..."

Is that worth it? Am I? She couldn't quite ask.

[Fionn]

Hamis 32, 2719 | Midday
Laboratory Beta

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The mood had been playful, a sweet fondness travelling between them and then Fionn had had to have… thoughts. It had been a failing of his for quite some time — thinking. Oh the style of thinking wasn’t always the same but it always caused him trouble sooner or later. Most people had been on the receiving end of things he’d thought up in bitterness or hatred — angry thoughts, dark thoughts, nasty ones. Many had also encountered the erudite side of his brain when he found some conundrum or curiosity occupying his mind, giving rise to the sort of talk that wasn’t meant to come out of a passive’s mouth. However, it was rare that anyone encountered this side of him, the morbid, miserable side.

The same part of his mind that sometimes haunted him at night, offering thoughts that made him curl into a ball and sob himself to sleep, even after all these years. The sort of thoughts that made him feel worthless, irreparably broken, corrupt, rotten to the core. Those dark thoughts had been what led him to place the burn scars on the insides of his arms. It was the part of his brain that reminded him of all the terrible things that he’d done and made him fear that he would never be able to balance the scales, never succeed in making up for all the things that he’d done.

It was that part of his mind that panicked, the dark recesses of his brain that thought that Aura might have just gone along with all of this to make him happy. The idea that she might not have wanted to do any of this and hadn’t felt that she could tell him ‘no’ was beyond horrifying to Fionn. Doubt had wormed its way into his heart before this, the teenager believing that he didn’t deserve her attention and that he would only corrupt her or damage her the way that he’d been damaged.

Given how shy and hesitant she’d been with him before, how could he not fear that he’d done to her what Ayden had done all those years ago? He’d just wanted to make the parse happy. He’d have done—had done—everything to make the older man happy and maybe Aura- maybe she-

Stop it! he snapped at himself. Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Honestly, if he’d been left entirely with his own thoughts, he probably would have gone mad and painted himself as the greatest villain imaginable. The blond was so used to being the one to talk and talk, filling space with his speech so that others didn’t have to open their mouths. Thankfully, Aurelie was prepared to fill the gap when he was in danger of sinking into a gloomy, brooding silence. His questions made her laugh, the sound causing something to flutter within him, a little bit of hope kindled within him that he might be being ridiculous after all. She wiggled into a position that allowed her to look him in the face and he met her gaze with some reluctance.

Her reassurance was necessary but it had the desired effect. The teenager found himself relaxing, believing her, even managing a wan, relieved smile as she continued and made him feel like a total idiot. For once, he was glad to be made to feel like a fool, relieved to find his fears were groundless. His mood returned to its former height, not as high as before but still bright and positive. It allowed him to respond to her bold comment with something more characteristically, well, him!

“Do… whatever comes up?” Fionn asked amusedly, turning himself so he could prop his elbow on the back of the couch, adjusting his legs so that he was more on his side, one hip taking the bulk of his weight. The new position enabled him to look at her more fully. It might not have been as comfortable as before but it carried its own intimacy, although it was far less sweet.

The hand that had stilled her restless finger slipped around hers, encouraging it to slide further up his thigh. His hand was a barrier for her, hers pressed lightly into his palm so that it was only he who touched off his groin but she was close very close. The gesture made his next remark quite ribald.

“Oh I’m sure that something will come up, especially given that you’ll be involved. Something nearly always pops up when you’re around,” the passive explained softly, a broad grin stretching his mouth so that the words practically purred from his lips. His brows raised a bit then dropped, a suggestive wiggle and if he caught her eye, then the youth would wink, chuckling softly to himself.

He’d been the one to say it and not in the halting manner of his companion but it still made his face warm anew. Admittedly, it might have more to do with how closely he’d brought her hand rather than the words but he still felt a bit embarrassed — or excited.

However, her next words were more sobering. He understood that anything between them would be… difficult. The chance of something like this happening again, well… the boy wasn’t stupid, it probably very well wouldn’t—couldn’t—because they’d never get this sort of privacy again. That they’d gotten this much was a blessing, truly, the Circle truly choosing to smile on them for all the talk that they were cursed. If they were cursed rather than special then perhaps this was a small effort on the part of the divine to make up for things. It felt like a bloody good start! But he’d had to ask, in case. It was a long shot, but if an opportunity arose then they wouldn’t be able to pause and discuss things properly beforehand. At least this way, they knew what page they were on. By the sounds of things, they were not only on the same page but possibly on the same paragraph, maybe even the same sentence!

“I know. This… we probably won’t get a chance to do this again but if we do, well… we know where we both stand,” he reassured her, smiling faintly. “We have places we could meet to steal some kisses here and there, some touches and when you come to help out here… we won’t be able to touch but we’ll still have time together.”

If she hadn’t made an attempt to free her hand then he’d squeeze it firmly before moving to thread his fingers through hers. Solemn brown eyes fixed on her face.

“It isn’t much, I know but we aren’t even meant to have as much as that. We can make the most of the little things and while it isn’t much… it’s ours.”

He leaned closer to plant a kiss her brow, sighing into her hair. He drew back, a crooked smile finding its way onto his features as he considered something. He glanced down, smiling almost to himself.

“Actually, I have a confession to make. I don’t think it’ll bother you overly much but you still have a right to know. I said that I needed to talk to you more. About the research but uh… that wasn’t true. I don’t have anything to say really,” he confided, beginning to laugh. “Actually this is quite funny because well… I couldn’t see the point of this meeting at all. Didn’t understand what I had to offer that Niamh or the professors couldn’t have provided. Well now… now we know what I can offer that they can’t!”

He started laughing properly, covering his mouth so that the sound couldn’t carry overly far. The last thing they needed was for sound to leave the lab. Then again, if someone heard laughter coming from Laboratory Beta, they’d probably think thatHarper Moore had finally gone completely moony!

[Aurelie Steerpike]

The darkness on Fionn's face lifted and Aurelie's heart with it. Putting her thoughts out even that plainly had been difficult, as ill used to doing so as she was. The result was worth the effort, if it relieved whatever it was that had clouded his mind so. She wanted him to be happy, simple as that.

And clearly his mood had to be at least a little better, because he adjusted his body and turned to face her with an absolutely wicked look on his face. Wicked in expression and wicked in action, too! That was awfully close, even with his hand as a barrier. Aurelie looked down at their clasped hands and then back up in time to see his wink. What an absolutely terrible, wonderful creature he was.

"You are absolutely incorrigible," she declared gravely. Aurelie managed to keep a sober expression for only a fraction of a moment before she broke into laughter. Her face was warm, but that wasn't precisely off the mark of what she'd been implying. Pretending she had no further interest in similar activities would be just that, pretending. Today had been different from how she had expected it to be, better in the end, and she would be more than happy to do it again. Or anything, really. Aurelie was too greedy to be picky about how and when they spent time together.

The pressure on her hand made her breath catch and her heart lurch. No, they couldn't have much. She knew that. It was still more than she ever could have dreamed she could have, with anyone... and Fionn didn't feel like "anyone" to her. This stolen time at the expense of violating Niamh's trust was like some kind of dream. Aurelie was half tempted to pinch herself just to make sure it was actually happening. Laughable, how little it was, how much it felt like. She would take every secret moment, gladly, though she was afraid that her heart was already spoiled and begging for more. Cursed she might be, broken or missing something, but the Circle must love her at least a little bit. This was proof--his fingers threaded through hers, his kiss on her brow.

"Ours," she repeated, something of wonder in her voice. And there, the clearest proof of all--it wasn't just her own wanting that had led them here. It wasn't just her who wanted to try, even though things would be hard. Whatever she was to him, she was at least worth that much. The understanding broke over her and she could have cried again if she hadn't spent all her tears before. Good. She didn't want to cry, not now.

Aurelie raised her eyebrows at the word "confession". What could it possibly be now? She wasn't sure what to expect, but--well that certainly hadn't been it. Nothing to say! Aurelie started to laugh herself. Truthfully she had almost forgotten the pretense of why Niamh had brought her to Laboratory Beta today in the first place--talk about the research!

"Then I suppose this is where I have to confess... I didn't really want to talk about the research either. I don't--I don't even think I have any real questions to ask. I just thought--w-well, I just wanted to see you." Aurelie's laughter subsided to a pleased grin. She squeezed his hand, still elated to be able to do so with nobody to see them or care. Driven by a spontaneous impulse, she leaned up to kiss his cheek. Nobody around but the two of them. The whole world could go jump in the clocking Arova. She had the good part of it right here.

"I really do like listening to you talk about it though. I-I don't think I'm that smart, I don't really... I don't really understand much about it, I suppose. But I... Well." Aurelie shrugged, tinged a little with embarrassment. "I think I told Niamh... I don't remember. She thought I needed to talk to someone and I... Well, it doesn't matter. It worked out in the end, so... so good." Talk of the research made her frown, her thoughts wandering off the bright path they were on to something darker. There was one thing she did want to know, something that had nothing to do with theory or nexi or academic interest.

"Actually, that's not true. I do have... Hmm. I was wondering something. Y-you don't have to answer, I don't even expect you to have an answer, and I don't--I don't want to... spoil things. Just, uhm. What's the... what's the point of the research? To... to 'fix' us? Then what? D-do they just say, 'oh, sorry about that, it turns out we were wrong and you can all go do whatever you want now'? Niamh was saying we might be... special somehow. All of us. Do you think--" Aurelie frowned, embarrassed by her morose turn of conversation. The passive sighed and closed her eyes, trying to let it go. "Sorry, I don't... I don't really care, I suppose. I only agreed to it to see you. So, er. Good."

[Fionn]

Hamis 32, 2719 | Midday
Laboratory Beta

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Circle save him, he got far too much enjoyment from making her laugh. He’d enjoyed it the first time he’d heard it, the sound something of a surprise at the time because she hadn’t liked him then, hadn’t even been properly friendly, although that time in the kitchen had obviously been a turning point. It did amaze him a little that he could make her laugh because the things he found funny didn’t tend to enjoy the same reception with others. He’d spent an awful lot of time being told to shut up, to not be cheeky, a ‘smart-erse’, to not talk back. There were times when even he worried about the things he found amusing, fearing that his sense of humour had become particularly warped. The fact that he could make her laugh made him feel better about it, made him believe that his humour wasn’t that far off the wall after all. And it was good to make her laugh, bloody good and no doubt, she didn’t have many reasons to do so — none of them did really. Her mirth meant acceptance though, of him and his oddities. Better that she laughed at his ribald jokes or slips of the tongue instead of being disgusted or made uncomfortable. Some of them made her shy and awkward — they did that to him too — but she always managed to deal with whatever he said, accept it all. Evidence suggested that he hadn’t put her off and he couldn’t fully convey how much of a relief that was.

They’d had a rather serious moment, the sort that could cause a dip in mood because while this was theirs, one couldn’t help but consider what they couldn’t have. If they’d been galdor, or maybe anything other than passive then this probably would have been fine. Even as passives, they probably would have been okay if they’d been born in a place like Mugroba where their kind could apparently avail of many opportunities that were denied to them here. But they weren’t in any of those more favourable circumstances and so it was better not to think about what could be if things were different.

So his confession came at a time when the mood most certainly needed lightening. Fionn hadn’t thought that she’d mind and he’d been right, the other servant laughing along with him. Her own admission drew a snorting chuckle from him, the mirth changing into a grin when she leaned up to kiss him, the youth gently biting the inside of his cheek as he regarded her.

“Alioe forgive us, we’re some pair, aren’t we? And Alioe forgive me because I’m a clocking awful influence, aren’t I?” he teased, poking her gently in the side as the grin persisted. “When I met you in the canteen, you were so rigid about rules that you didn’t even want me drawing and look at you now! Using any excuse to meet up with a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not going to complain!”

Chuckling, he moved a hand to a point above her knee, light and easily shifted if she didn’t want it there. It was his turn to idly trace patterns on her thigh albeit through the material of her skirt and probably more consciously than she had done; the boy knew full well where his hand was and how teasing his gentle touch would be as it played over the fabric.

He listened to what she had to say, brow furrowing as he released a disapproving hum. Not smart, clocking hell, why did she think that? The teenager was a bookworm and a swot, but it didn’t mean that he was exceptionally intelligent. He was curious, there were some subjects that he engaged with more than others and of course, he frequently didn’t seem all that intelligent at all. Fionn could be as sharp as a honed blade or as dense as a brick at any given time. The fact that Aurelie was putting herself down before she was properly put to the test reminded him of Niamh whose low self-esteem did give her something of a defeatist attitude.

“Don’t say that you aren’t smart enough, okay? I don’t like it and it isn’t- You don’t have to be smart to get this just… open-minded and intuitive and willing. Your intuitive enough, I can tell that and the fact that you were even willing to listen… it’s enough. More than enough,” the blond assured her, still frowning as he moved a hand to her face, knuckles grazing her cheek before he tucked hair behind her ear. Fionn began to stroke her hair, smoothing strands into place.

She’d stumbled down the path of the research’s purpose and as she finished, it was his turn to sigh, albeit with some exasperation.

“Don’t apologise for being curious,” he told her gruffly. “You’re allowed to want to be a part of this, to want to know things and see and be with me here, you know. It’s not one or the other, Aurelie. I’m hardly going to be upset if you want to know what’s going on and by the same token… if you don’t like the direction that the research heads in then you can back out. I don’t want you sticking it out for my sake.”

The teenager drew back from her, the hand dragged through his hair and then left to rub at the back of his neck was an indication that he was thinking and a bit awkward, unsure how to approach this exactly.

He huffed out a breath.

“You want the truth? Moore got into this to try to fix us, yes. He didn’t know about the nexi in the beginning and I don’t know what he- I think fixing us was more about the diablerie than allowing us to be like other galdori but then he discovered the nexi and he and Devlin… well, that changes things. We aren’t empty, we’re different. The fact that we have diablerie should have been enough of an indication really. I don’t know that we’re broken exactly, just… unfinished? Underdeveloped? I don’t know, Aura. I think we might have something that gollies don’t have, maybe can’t have.”

Fionn lapsed into a brooding silence, hand shifting from his neck to his face so he could scrub it across its surface. It made him seem weary.

“Even if we didn’t have diableries. Even if we could harness the mona the way the gollies could and use magic, I don’t think they’d want- They need us, they’ve come to rely on us and they pride themselves on keeping wicks and humans away from Brunnhold. If they couldn’t keep us here, if they had to educate us, it’d be a real blow to them,” the middle Madden pointed out, his expression grim as he fixed his brown eyes on his companion.

“I’ve been thinking about it and if it could be done, I think it’d be something that the high-ups would want kept secret. A secret they might even kill to keep…”

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Remembering her behavior when they met made Aurelie want to squirm and look away. It was very strange, to have gone from there to here in so quick a time. She couldn't quite articulate what it was that it made her feel, other than "strange". A restlessness had been driving her actions of late, a sudden dissatisfaction with the unchanging stasis of her gated life. Before, even just a year or so ago, maybe she wouldn't have done anything she had done to get her this far. No matter how much she liked Fionn, Aurelie had always had an aversion to stepping out of line or breaking rules. Being noticed. The very idea made her anxious, fretful about becoming too much of a burden for others to bear having her around. The most she had ever done, up until this point, was the secret collection of articles about her sister, put for her in that tin. And she had ruined that, hadn't she? Become too much trouble to be worth the time. She couldn't help but feel her fears were not unfounded.

"They did warn me about you," she reminded him. "...But I don't mind either. If, er, well. You don't." That she had never really liked who she was seemed like something that could go unsaid. Too obvious to be worth the breath it took to say it. The Aurelie that was so rigidly afraid to even be near someone else breaking a rule wasn't a very likable person; nobody was more tired of her own nature than herself.

Still, she'd managed to change a little, hadn't she? Not on purpose, and maybe not the way she should--she hardly thought anyone would approve if she told them. But it was change, and she was a little happier than she was before in this moment at the least. Aurelie gave an appreciative hum as Fionn started to trace his finger over her thigh as she had been doing before. It was distracting, even from her own jumble of thoughts as she let them tumble out of her. Part of her wanted to lean into it, stretch back up against him like a cat begging for affection. That probably wasn't the best idea--she could hardly be relied on to control herself, and she liked the softer mood she was in now. Not so desperate, grasping; Aurelie had plenty of time to think about that later.

Soft and sweet--Aurelie couldn't help but marvel at the contradiction of Fionn every time it presented itself to her. Wicked and dangerous, liable to lead her to harm. Careful and kinder to her than she could be to herself. Most people, she reasoned, weren't what they appeared at first glance. It was just that she didn't want to give most of them a second, or a third, or a thousand more. Here he was, insisting she was better than she said. Why wouldn't she want to change to become more deserving of that? Or at least to hear him say it like she already had?

"I'm sor--hmm." She smiled a little ruefully--she had almost apologized, again, this time for apologizing in the first place. "I... well. B-both it is then."

His exasperated sigh and drawing away from her hit a soft fretfulness. Aurelie ignored it, ashamed that she was so easily tossed down in this way. Fionn was just thinking, it seemed like, not--not tired of her, now that she'd been so dour. Though both could be true.

Aurelie listened, and she gave him her full regard while he spoke. He seemed tired; they both were. For a moment after he finished speaking, she didn't say anything in response. She just looked at him, green eyes solemn against her better judgement. She wasn't sure what she thought about his more dire pronouncement. Brunnhold relied on their labor; this was part of what had made her ask after the purpose of the research. The girl had doubts about her own cleverness, but this was clocking obvious to anyone who cared to look. The question was really if there was some kind of fair exchange there--Brunnhold, they insisted, kept them safe. From what, Aurelie was increasingly unsure.

"...I don't know about that," she said at last, slowly and thoughtfully. "But--that is... Hmm. I have been wondering, lately, what would happen if... if they didn't have a reason to keep us here anymore. I can't... I don't know if..." Aurelie let her shoulders drop, sighed. She held herself very still, unsure of what to say next.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe you're right. It's not--I said I don't care but--" Aurelie glanced down, frowning. "I just mean... Oh I don't know what I mean. I've been thinking myself in circles for days," she admitted quietly. "Well... I have had some distraction." The joke was weak but she had to make it. Aurelie's head felt too full, jumbling up and growing fuzzy. It was too heavy for her to keep up.

"...I should probably go. N-not that I... I don't want to. Still..." She glanced at the clock on the wall, unsure of how long she'd been there. It felt like houses, but it couldn't have been. Aurelie hated being the one to suggest that she had to leave his company, she just couldn’t help the tug of responsibility that was managing to penetrate her contentment.

[Fionn]

Hamis 32, 2719 | Midday
Laboratory Beta

.

They had warned Aurelie about him and while whoever ‘they’ were had probably warned her that he was a bad sort, he couldn’t imagine that anyone could have warned her about how turbulent his moods could be. The boy wasn’t unstable, not really, just emotional and quick to shift his thoughts, especially when his emotional state had been ruffled. Well, he was always quick to move from topic to topic, prone to following whichever direction his mind pointed him in. The only problem was that he hadn’t often had reason to test these things aloud and speak his mind to others. All things considered, his companion was weathering the shifts marvellously and it boded well for their future dealings, including guaranteeing that there would be future dealings; if this didn’t put her off then perhaps nothing he did or said would.

Playful to scolding wasn’t an extreme shift, not for Fionn and it likely wouldn’t have grown more extreme if she hadn’t brought up the topic of whether they could be cured or not. With her, Fionn felt that he could be honest and provide her with his true thoughts on the matter, grim though they may be. Did he sound cynical? Absolutely. Did he believe what he was saying? Yes, he did. He was willing to see the worst in people, he knew just how nasty people could be, especially when it came to having things their own way. Maybe they weren’t too bad, maybe there weren’t really galdori out there who would and could suppress information if they wanted to do so, but he thought they existed.

Even so, it wasn’t the sort of thing that he wanted to dwell on and it was a lot to dump on the kitchen maid — and he knew it. She would have been well within her rights to tell him that he was moony or do her best to get away from him as fast as possible but she didn’t. If the teenager had told his sister that, she would have been freaked out but she would still have brushed it off; Niamh would never have believed it, even if it did mean that her precious Harper might be in danger. The fact that Aurelie didn’t scoff or ridicule him made him feel a bit less tense. The girl wasn’t brushing him off but rather was trying to steer the subject back to what she really wanted to talk about with him.

The youth cleared his throat and chuckled weakly, hand roving through his hair, fingers tangling and twisting in the strands, which revealed the full depths of his agitation and discomfort right now.

“Yeah, sorry, you don’t want to listen to me talk about- This is hardly the time or the- Of course you were asking about us personally — passives, I mean — rather than societal implications. I- Sometimes I spend a lot of time thinking bigger,” he admitted, releasing another nervous chuckle.

Dark brown eyes found her again, a subtle cock of his head as he considered her and her stuttered words. He’d been more right the first time when he’d said ‘personally’. She hadn’t been thinking about all passives but rather what she would do if she got out of here. Or… if they were both out?

His pulse seemed to pick up, an uncomfortable little flutter in his belly and he wondered if she had meant both of them. As in both of them together outside. Was he excited by that or unnerved? The blond couldn’t be sure, couldn’t pin down what that fluttering feeling was although he wasn’t sure that it was pleasant. Himself and Aurelie hardly knew each other and while they’d had this… well, the young man had never been shy about sexual encounters with people he didn’t know. Whatever this was, it was more than those encounters with young men who might as well have been faceless but was it… a relationship? He didn’t know that either. It didn’t run as deeply as what he felt for Lars but the overall texture of it was different anyway, hardly comparable or at least, not readily comparable. It made sense, he supposed that it didn’t feel the same but he didn’t lo- Maybe in time he could lo- things between them could grow deeper but right now, if they got out, would he want to be with her?

The teenager couldn’t be sure of anything but he certainly felt something for her and she was quite possibly the only friend that he had as well. At the very least, she seemed to understand him somewhat, understand what he had been through and she was happy to put up with him.

Maybe the fluttering was okay. It did make him feel almost queasy but in a good way, which didn’t really make sense. It made some sort of sense, warped and illogical — it made sense when he simply allowed himself to feel but not to think about it. The servant didn’t know what to say though. It wasn’t as if he could tear out his heart and pour its contents into her waiting hands, but that might be the only way she’d gain any insight into what he was feeling. Words weren’t cutting mustard, not at all. For someone who supposedly knew too many words for his own good, Fionn found himself at a loss for them far too frequently.

The young woman had managed to produce some sort of response to his rather shocking rhetoric but as she spoke about something tamer and personal, he found that he could say nothing. The middle Madden could only smile wanly at her joke, trying not to let his teeth show because it would have been more of a nervous rictus rather than a genuine grin. He also managed a nod — little good that did anyone — but it seemed too little for her, enough to drive her away as he’d feared that he might do. She was reluctant to leave but clearly awkward and put out enough to feel the need to go. Yes, she had work to get back to but this felt less about a need to return to her duties and more about him.

Panic surged within him. He needed to fix this, ensure that they didn’t part on these sorts of terms with Aurelie awkward and uncomfortable, the two of them almost seeming distant in spite of their proximity because their minds were off in two different directions. Furthermore, while it would have to happen sooner or later, the young man didn’t want to be alone. He’d cried with her, yes, but he’d also managed to laugh and joke and have some greater variety of emotion than the dismal depths that he’d descend to within his head when she left. It was delaying the inevitable but damn him, he wanted it delayed.

“Woah! Hold it!” he exclaimed, reminding himself of a coach driver talking to the animal drawing it — absurd! The absurdity made him giggle, the giddy energy within him as happily turned to laughter as it was to nerves. The bigger servant wrapped his arms tightly about her waist, giving her a playful squeeze as he moved to tug her close, maybe even to tug her onto his lap again, albeit not in the same position as before.

“Who said I was done with you, huh? Don’t go yet, I-I-I… I forbid it! Yes, I forbid it!” he announced dramatically, the situation growing more ludicrous by the moment. The blond tried desperately not to laugh, his voice a little strangled as he tried to speak around it.

“And here I thought that you cared about me!”

He managed a pout, holding his lips firm for a few seconds before the expression wobbled, the thing too funny to maintain a straight face. He fought it though, dropping his gaze so he couldn’t meet her eye, allowing his mouth to wobble as if it might mimic crying and as a last resort, when he could hold the facade no longer, Fionn chose to hide his face against her, burrowing against shoulder, chest, it didn’t make much difference. A grip encircling her waist with both arms would bend him and in that instant, his face against her chest was more likely.

Of course, hiding his face would only buy him seconds before he started snorting and chuckling.

[Aurelie Steerpike]

"Thinking bigger" was not Aurelie's forte, it had to be said. At least not in the way she thought Fionn meant it. She was too practically-minded for her own good. Oh, she could worry at a problem for hours and hours, days and days, gnawing at the gristle and the bone of it until her jaw wearied from the effort. What she wanted most often in the end was an action, steps that one could take. Cause and effect, action and consequence. So when she wondered aloud at the goal of the research, should it prove successful, perhaps what she meant was not so broad-thinking as "societal implications". It was next steps, should there be any, and what they would be, and when, and who was to take them. And because she couldn't know the answer to those questions, because there was perhaps no answer to know, it seemed pointless to think about them too much.

She was thinking of Ana's offer too, as she had been every moment of the last few days. To be somewhere else was not the same thing as freedom. The illusion of it seemed almost more painful than to not pretend at all. This, too, seemed pointless to think about any further--she had turned her sister down, betrayed her and hurt the only person who loved her in all the world. That was the end of it. The thought was dull and heavy. Aurelie didn't want to be dull and heavy, here together. She could do that plenty well enough on her own. To say nothing of the effect her own stubborn sourness might have on Fionn, who was already clouded over again because of her stupid muttering.

This desire not to drag him down with her was just as much her motive for suggesting that she should leave as the weight of her responsibilities pressing against her. Still--hadn't she been a little bit hoping he would tell her not to go, just yet? Selfish, but that was what she wanted. An excuse to not do the sensible thing, and proof that it was okay between the two of them if she didn't. Aurelie squeaked a protest when Fionn tugged her close again, but made no real effort to stop him even when he pulled her back onto his lap. Far from it--she smiled, happy for the change of both subject and position. The squeak turned into a laugh, albeit one laced with nerves. Circle save her, but her heart raced again with Fionn's arms around her waist. The weight and pressure of it was exciting and rapidly becoming almost like something familiar.

"Forbid it? I didn't realize you got to tell me what to do...!" She tried to tease, but it came out a jumble of nervous excitement instead. Aurelie let her own arms slither up around his neck, resting on his shoulders. Fionn's voice sounded strange in a way Aurelie couldn't quite place. She thought he was teasing--he had to be teasing her, didn't he?--but there was a brief and panicked moment where she thought maybe she had actually done something wrong when his face dropped to her chest. The moment passed almost immediately, his chuckle felt as much as heard with his breath over her skin. If she hadn't been so relieved she might have been upset.

"W-well, if you... if you really want me to stay... I won't argue with you." Should she say that? Aurelie was fairly certain she shouldn't. Add it to the list of things she had said or done that day alone that she shouldn't have--it grew longer every moment. Aurelie let her chin come to rest lightly on Fionn's hair. It couldn't be too comfortable, and she would likely turn her face to an angle that was a little better in a moment, but it was hard enough as it was to resist the urge to do--something. She wasn't sure what, but it would likely be strange, and accordingly she was not so keen to find out.

She did care about him was the thing. That was why she was here, at least partly. Aurelie almost said it, but it seemed stupid and she'd already been foolish and sentimental enough. Alioe only knew why, her feelings strange and absurd even to herself. Or, more accurately--she knew why she cared, what about him she liked, she just didn't know what to do with it. For the thousandth time Aurelie reminded herself that to get so attached was stupid of her. He just made it so hard by being so sweet to her all the time.

"Was there... What else... Is there something else you wanted from me, then? I-if you're, er. If you don't want me to leave. Yet. Uhm." Chimes but it was a good thing she wasn't looking at him directly at the moment. It was harder to play at being even a little bit collected when she was. The lie of it showed too readily on her face.

[Fionn]

Hamis 32, 2719 | Midday
Laboratory Beta

.

A fool, that’s what he was — a complete fool! But while he’d made himself out to be an idiot with his behaviour, it had made him feel better. The fact that she seemed happy to be pulled onto his lap did wonders for relieving the tension and panic that had taken root within him, although it did nothing to slow his heartbeat. Instead, his pulse managed to increase, seeming to throb in his throat. It was ridiculous of course that it should do so given how much time they’d spent together today, how close they’d been but it was there all the same. Maybe it was the squeak that excited him so or that giggle which was laced with a giddy, nervous sound but he couldn’t help being thrilled by her. It would never have occurred if he’d simply allowed her to leave, one more reason to be glad for his spontaneous actions. But he couldn’t say that he was wholly comfortable here, not when she seemed excited and possibly anticipating something. Listening to her made his blood roar through his body but he didn’t know its destination, its purpose. He’d dragged them both together in this way but he hadn’t considered where it might go.

Was she expecting something in particular from him? She did sound as if she was expecting something.

When his head found her chest, it took him a minute or two to realise where he’d chosen to hide his face and that prompted more giddy laughter, the boy a bit sheepish as well but unwilling to draw back when he might disrupt her. Fionn quite liked the way she’d rested her head against his and even though he was a tad guilty, recalling earlier talk of permission, he was reluctant to leave the comfort of his current position. It was safe there and if he turned his head just a little bit then he could feel and hear the thud of her heart in her chest. That rhythm — frantic though it was — was soothing and only added to his sense of security.

His hold on her waist loosened, becoming less possessive and clingy, just holding her, pressing a soft kiss to bare skin.

“I get to tell you what to do if you let me,” he murmured, responding to her initial retort, breath stirring against her skin. The teenager wondered if the kitchen maid could feel the heat that flooded his face against her chest. He bit his lip, expression shy though she wouldn’t be able to see it.

What he’d said hadn’t been wrong. He might have said that he forbid her leaving and his actions had backed that up, even though it had been intended as somewhat playful. However, the female passive had permitted it, hadn’t she? Not only had she not protested but she’d gone so far as to say aloud that she wouldn’t argue. Fionn had been playing and he’d honestly expected her to try to bat him off in the same spirit, not struggle exactly but at least mount some sort of protest. He hadn’t expected her to fold so readily and he couldn’t deny that there was something deliciously enticing about it, seductive. He wriggled a bit in his seat, aroused.

The teenager knew that he enjoyed having people do what he asked but he couldn’t deny that with some people, he liked being accommodating and submissive. Well, willing to be those things anyway if it would please so to say that he liked it was a bit of a stretch. He could appreciate someone being assertive though, as Aurelie had been while straddling him before. Assertiveness and submissiveness were contrary as far as he knew so he couldn’t understand how he could like both, especially within the one woman but it was a contradiction that he was willing to accept.

Sighing, he leaned away from her but not before imparting a final kiss to her burned chest.

“There isn’t anything I wanted. Nothing specific anyway,” Fionn admitted with a chuckle, fingers moving to adjust her ginger strands instead of putting them through his own blond ones as he typically did. “I know that you have to leave at some point, I can’t keep you here, I know that. I don’t want to keep you away from things, I just…”

His gaze dropped, moving to take her hand to kiss. There was a pang of remembrance at the gesture, new with Aurelie but not new to Fionn. He’d tried it for the first time with Lars, an odd whim at the time, something strange and novel that he’d had to try more than once to determine that he liked it. There was no getting away from his former roommate today, not that he wanted to get away precisely, not from his remembrances of him. No, he didn’t want to deal with the guilt and the pain, at least not yet. Aurelie was his reprieve from this torture, at least for now. The middle Madden knew that he couldn’t avoid his feelings forever and he didn’t intend to do so, he just wanted a little respite.

“I just… I wasn’t ready for you to leave but… I don’t know, does working really help at all? I know that I’ve done some in the past day or so but it hasn’t been a distraction. It probably hasn’t even been done well,” he confided softly. He sighed again, wearier this time and slowly his brown eyes rose, tracing the lines and curves of her face.

“I know I’m being selfish, I just wish… I wish that-”

He cut himself off and shook his head. He could hardly expect her to forget but he could carry on as if he hadn’t just said what he had, hadn’t alluded to his own misery and hers. When he focused on her again, there was a small, self-conscious smile curving his lips.

“You’re a clocking pretty distraction compared with Professor Keyes,” he admitted with a nervous chuckle. “Really pretty. I wish that I could draw you but I’d never manage to do you justice. Never.”

[Aurelie Steerpike]

Surely, surely Fionn could hear the staccato rhyme of her heartbeat, with his face so close to it. The thought wasn't something she minded, not exactly. At least her heart was honest, sometimes too much so. Certainly it couldn't resist a renewed fluttering when his grip around her waist loosened and he kissed her on the scar she hated so much. Even that hideous span of her chest felt a little different now. She didn't hate it less, and it wasn't less shameful when she thought about it, but Aurelie hadn't moved to cover it up again. In fact, Fionn hadn't even really said anything about it--so why did it bother her so much, again? Aurelie wondered if her sister would have said something. That idea made her sick to her stomach, so maybe it wasn't that she didn't mind generally speaking. Just... just not right now.

Aurelie didn't mind a lot of things, really, if Fionn was involved. What an absolutely dreadfully foolish idea. True, though. Like, she was reminded, doing what he said. She was, it couldn't be denied, fairly biddable by either nature or nurture. That wasn't all that was at work here, at least not as far as she knew. Careful, cautious, kind--more than a general disposition to docility, she just felt certain that if she truly wanted to pull away he wouldn't stop her. That was comforting, freeing her up to just do what he asked her to because she wanted to do it. How baffling; all she did was what other people told her to do, and here she was actually happy to do so simply because of who it was that was doing the asking.

More than happy, maybe. Not that she would be saying so anytime soon. She really, really did need to leave, and soon--where that idea lead was not a road she needed to continue to travel down. No matter how her mind turned when he shifted underneath her. Or kissed her chest, again.

Fionn pulled away and Aurelie absently, at last, moved to redo her long neglected buttons. That was really enough of that. For now. For now? Oh, wasn't that a thought. Though when it would ever--no, again, not the road to wander along. Gracious Lady but she did like the way he was always fussing with her hair.

"This is the part where you're supposed to make something up," she chided, and her face flushed again. "I mean--you don't have to, really, I just, er. Well. I know you c-can't any more than I can keep you... Uhm, h-here I mean. Oh chimes."

Did something show in his face, in his actions when he kissed her hand? It was a strangely restrained gesture, given the circumstances. Aurelie didn't know what it was. Likely nothing; she was always reading too much into things. If it wasn't though... Was it related to what he said next, or different entirely? Aurelie couldn't help but feel like it was connected. This thought was unpleasant in a way she wasn't ready to examine, so she avoided it.

"...I don't think it does. Not much, anyway," was her response, equally quiet. Tired. They both had grief to return to, along with their work. That wasn't going away. Did the work help? No. Not at all, really. The work was just always there, and there was nothing to be done for it. It wasn't like she could tell Matron that she simply didn't feel like working her shift. No Matron, I don't think I will do the laundry today--you see, I'm far too sick with grief to move from my bed. That wouldn't get her too far.

"You're not being selfish. I don't want to go. Y-you're a lot better company than Bernie, that's for sure. Better to look at--er. I mean. Oh, well, I guess I--it is obvious, isn't it. Ah. That I, uhm. Hmm." Somehow the closer she came to having to leave, the looser her tongue got. "R-really though. It's not... it's not selfish to... to not want to be alone with. Certain kinds of... of feelings. I think. I don't mind, anyway. Be as selfish as you want."

Not selfish, but a screw might have gotten knocked loose somewhere. He'd called her pretty again. Though--by comparison, at least. Aurelie had never seen Professor Keyes, having missed him the one time she had come to call on Fionn in his office--hush, memory--so what that meant was uncertain. Fionn had described the man's personality, not his face.

"I-I'm not... You--you have... strange standards. Not that I don't want you to--er, well I guess it's good to me if you... I don't think it would be t-that difficult to draw... Not like you--that is, ah, you're more..." Aurelie made a flustered, half-hearted gesture before she gave up. Her blush crept back up her neck and spread to her ears. "You're--you're more a-attractive than I am. I mean. I think so. Ah."

Aurelie looked away and wiggled a little, nervous and trying not to think about all the idiot things that had left her mouth. Maybe she should leave after all, before she said anything else. More and more crimes against good conversation. Aurelie put a light pressure around the fingers of Fionn's hand that held her own before carefully moving to stand. From her new vantage point she could see the state of disarray Fionn was in. She brushed some of his hair into place with a hand, a futile gesture.

"I should at least... at least straighten out, a little. S-slowly. Er. And you... you too, ah. Probably." Her eyes swept up and down, lingering just a little too long where his shirt was still undone. Terrible, she was absolutely terrible. She immediately began looking around for her shoes, uncertain of where she had tossed them in her haste to get them off. Their location seemed very important. Wildly important. Although if she put them on, she was that much closer to having to leave and go back to her work and maybe, somehow, despite all assurances, it just wouldn't work out again and it had been so long before and what if--what if--

No, she really just needed to affirm their location and worry about the rest later.