Fionn turned and looked up, blinking rapidly in his surprise. Ayden had come looking for him personally and it didn't sound like the usual sort of thing either. If he wanted to engage Fionn for whatever reason, he usually said that he had a 'job' for him, which could be beating someone up, intimidation or going to bed with him. This was different, especially as the older man seemed worried, worried enough to have disturbed him in the midst of his meal.
"What's up?"
"Not here but... come talk to me in my room. Be quick about it, this is important."
With those mysterious and rather worrisome words, the brunette was gone, pushing off from the blond's table and leaving him to wonder what was going on. Needless to say, he wasn't keen to dawdle after that, quick to wolf down the rest of his meal and dispose of his food ware before following his patron. When he reached the older boy's room and knocked, he found himself called in, the door unlocked and for some reason that put him further on edge. His mood wasn't improved when he found Ayden sitting at the end of the bed, hunched over with his hands dangling between splayed legs.
He offered Fionn a wan smile as the younger servant shut the door behind him, patting a space on the bed beside him.
"Seriously, what's up? You look- Something's wrong, isn't it?" the blond commented anxiously, placing a cautious hand on the other's shoulder. The older man shrugged it off, rising from the bed to begin slowly pacing back and forth.
"Yes and no. It's not- well, it kind of is serious but it isn't anything that will destroy life in Brunnhold as we know it," he remarked with a laugh, his expression quickly growing serious again. "It's something that I have to deal with though. It's... it's about Lars."
Fionn's heart seemed to stutter to a halt in his chest, the teen gasping in a pained breath as panic surged through him, his pulse seeming to restart uncomfortably.
He'd told the boy to keep his head down.
He'd asked him not to let himself enter Ayden's field of vision.
Fionn could handle their patron's moods, how he could grow... displeased at unpredictable moments, and his occasional bouts of subtle violence and abuse. Such things were typically his fault so he'd oft been on the receiving end of some ill-mood or other but he understood Ayden and knew that he was sweet underneath it all. They had an understanding, one that had been cultivated over the years and Lars didn't have that.
He'd been worried - was still worried - that if Ayden and Lars had dealings then the older blond was going to end up being broken. He didn't want Lars to get broken so the idea that the boy was in some sort of trouble filled him with dread.
"You know him better than me and he's a bit... well, he seems bang moony if I'm honest so if I come at this the wrong way... I need to make sure that I get through to him," Ayden admitted with a sigh, running a hand over cropped hair.
"What has he done?" the defect Madden asked hoarsely, mouth dry.
"Well, he's caused quite a bit of upset to some galdor, a professor. He was serving at one of those fancy school dinners last night and there was- well, there was an ambassador or something as well and everyone got upset and he was at the centre of it. Had it brought to me personally so I've got to see that he's punished, don't I?"
Fionn was gawking, unable to process what he was hearing. What had the boy said? That he always behaved and never got into trouble, or something along those lines? What had he done at a formal dinner that had caused such a furore with professors and ambassadors and-
Good Lady!
"Clocking hell! What sort of a lugger is he? How do you- Wait, you want me to help you work out how to punish him?" the teenager questioned, his voice high and shrill.
Ayden stopped in his pacing and nodded.
"I have an idea but I wanted to check. See, I know he's a virgin so I thought I might break him in, you know? It's easy to be rough with one and he won't forget it in a hurry because he'll be-"
Fionn's mind started screaming, ears closing themselves against the words, against what the words described as the older man went into sickening detail with surprising casualness although his face showed chagrin.
As if he was talking about something mildly-
As if he wasn't talking about quite literally destroying-
This was one of those Ayden things, one of those things that Fionn made excuses for him about and that he'd known that Lars couldn't handle.
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, he couldn't.
His own horrific memories rose within him, every denial and refusal bubbling up beneath his skin, drowning him and overwhelming him as much as the mona had that one time his diablerie had occurred.
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-
Every time he should have said no and couldn't, every time he'd needed to say no and hadn't done so, hadn't been able to, every would-be refusal rose up his gullet, choking him.
N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-
He wasn't going to let himself be choked into silence again, he couldn't, he couldn't stand by and let him do that to Lars. Good and sweet Lars who was too innocent for this place, too clueless, too unworthy of such treatment. In spite of what he'd seen him do, the casual expression on his face while Fred's dead body lay at his feet, the all too serious threats of deaths that had dropped from his lips, Fionn couldn't let Ayden ruin him.
"NO!" he almost screamed, firing it at Ayden with such power that he actually saw the other man take a step back, blue eyes wide with shock, words coming to an abrupt halt even as his expression flickered. For a moment, there was raw hatred and rage on his face, terrifying and monstrous and then it was gone, the facade slamming down again so fast that Fionn blinked and thought that he'd imagined that look in his currently distressed state.
"Not that. There are other ways, i-i-it won't work on him," the teenager appended, swallowing audibly. It was a lie and a poor one and while Ayden must know it, he said nothing about it.
"So... anything but that?"
Fionn found himself nodding, eager, desperate to avoid that fate for his roommate. For his crush.
"So... a beating then?"
He was still nodding, agreeing away, the words washing over him a little senselessly. The full meaning of what he was agreeing to wasn't sinking in, only that he wasn't agreeing to... the other thing.
"Well, I'm glad that you're volunteering. It'll have to be a good one. I don't think you should wrap your knuckles this time-"
"W-w-wait, what? You w-w-want m-m-me to-"
"Well, you just said that a beating would be the way. It's a serious thing that he's done and you don't want me to fuck him so... you're beating him up. Badly.
The nonchalance with which he said it staggered Fionn who could only stare, unable to comprehend what he wanted him to do. He couldn't hit Lars. He couldn't make a total mess of him. Hadn't he just thought about how he didn't want the boy to be broken and now Ayden was saying-
"You know I don't beat people up, Fionn, we've talked about this and you're usually so eager to use your fists and it needs to be done. He's upset galdori and if you beat him then everyone will-"
"N-n-not Lars. I wouldn't h-h-hit Lars, he's-"
"If you want to be a pussy about it then I can do it my way. Might end up having to anyway because it doesn't sound like you want to leave him bloody so I'll just-"
"I'll do it!" Fionn blurted out, eyes watering. There was no way out of this. There was no way that wasn't awful but this way was less horrific. Besides if he didn't do it then Ayden might get someone else to do it instead or go about dealing with things his own way.
It'd be easier if someone else did it, his mind whispered treacherously, the teenager mentally shaking it off.
It would be easier, sure, but it wouldn't be better. If someone else did it then they might not stop, might not know when to and they could just keep going until Lars was far more severely injured than he had to be. Or worse, someone could ki-ki-ki-k-k-k-k-k-
"He's my roommate so I might as well, right?" Fionn commented with a shrug, trying to be casual about it although he could feel several things shutting off inside.
"That's the spirit! I knew I could count on you! We'll fuck when we get back, all right? I don't want to be spent beforehand in case I have to finish things off after. Shall we?"
There was that casual allusion again, bile rising up the boy's throat as he watched Ayden pull the door open, watching him expectantly. He rose from the bed, movements jerky and uncoordinated as if he was a marionette being controlled by a poor puppeteer.
He walked forward, feeling unbalanced as he followed his patron out, moved down the corridor to his own room, watching as if from far away as Ayden knocked and entered. A mantra went around and around in his head, keeping him working, words having power over him as surely as a golem.
You have to do this.
He followed Ayden in, standing there dumbly as the door was shut, Lars seated on his bed, Jamie conspicuously absent. Had Ayden found some reason to get the boy out of the room? Had he planned this from the outset, driving Fionn down this path? No, he couldn't think about this.
You have to do this.
His gaze was faraway as Ayden talked about the previous night, how Lars had done wrong and how his behaviour couldn't be allowed to slide and then Fionn's name was being said, repeatedly, almost sing song as the familiar sounds took time to burrow into his brain.
"Huh?" he blurted dumbly.
"You can do what you came here to do now," Ayden explained, words slow and clear as if he thought he was talking to a simpleton; he probably was.
The blond moved towards his roommate, trying not to see everything he liked about the boy, everything that he wanted to protect.
This was for the best, he thought, as he conjured up the memories of recent days, the agony that the boy had caused him, settling on the way he had gone to gag after what he'd walked in on, that sassy wave as he left in the end.
The emotional pain helped, mixing with the adrenaline already coursing through his blood vessels, re-enlivening it so that it charged with anger.
You have to do this.
The boy deserved it in a way. He deserved to feel a small measure of what Fionn had suffered at his hands recently, what he had always suffered. Physical injury was easier to handle anyway, better at healing even if the end result wasn't always pretty.
"Don't miss his face," Ayden added softly.
Fionn didn't.
He drew back his arm, hip twisting so that when he sent his fist flying forward, his torso pivoted and his full strength was behind it. His fist went straight for Lars' mouth, another punch already waiting in the wings to slam into his gut.