Ophus 3, 2718 | Evening
Laboratory Beta, Brunnhold
Laboratory Beta, Brunnhold
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Niamh just didn’t seem to know how to keep her mouth shut. When she was awkward and embarrassed, doubting every word that came out of her mouth, it could be torturous for her but it was safer at least. When the eldest Madden lost her temper, it was amazing what managed to leap from her tongue unhindered. The young woman only stuttered when she was angry if her passion moved too fast for her lingual system to cope with.
In the heat of the moment, the rather flippant reference to male gratification slipped out without giving her any chance to vet it first and worst still, it didn’t even slow her down. It was just one more thing to add to the catalogue of sentiments that she really wished she hadn’t expressed. When it came to things she regretted saying though, they weren’t all nasty, scathing things said in the heat of the moment. The student regretted complimenting him, possibly more than anything else that she said, mainly because in the few moments that she took to bolster his self-worth, she inadvertently betrayed her own regard for him.
The eldest Madden did think that he was a brilliant man, lacking the recognition that he rightly deserved for his talents because he had chosen a less popular course. It was courageous for him to have done so although the man didn’t seem to realise it — it simply made sense to him that it was something that should be done. It only added to the girl’s admiration for him and in truth, she had enough of it to drown in. It was a wonder that she’d kept it to herself for this long without it bursting out and even now, it was just a small portion of what she thought about Harper Moore.
Circle have mercy, the young woman couldn’t deny that her infatuation for him was deep! The fact that she’d blurted out so many lovely things made her feel horribly self-conscious because surely if everything else had somehow avoided his notice, surely he’d realise how she felt now.
Then again, maybe he was forever distracted by her total inability to keep her foot out of her mouth. She hadn’t meant to suggest that he was gay, hadn’t meant to suggest that being a bachelor could only mean that he was- that he couldn’t be-
Rumours. It was all rumour, the sort of thing that she shouldn’t be repeating even if they were true. Gay, straight, in love with his research — a likely candidate — whatever his sexuality, it wasn’t her business. And worse, she knew what it was like to have such rumours floating around about one’s sexuality and the ones about her were grossly untrue. Of course, Oísin was a mean-spirited ersehole and his friends were only too willing to spread the information around, especially as some of them had shown interest — on the sly obviously because her brother also liked to point out how unattractive she was so they couldn’t be caught doing it — and rejection had made them sour. It didn’t matter how polite Niamh tried to be about it, there were some of her male peers who had had their pride wounded by her disinterest and maybe even some of them believed the rumours they spread. After all, if she wasn’t interested in them then she must be a lesbian, right?
While the student hadn’t given any indication that she was attracted to women, she’d probably provided more than enough evidence that she shunned the advances of men, which probably did not help her case. The same was probably true for the professor and she felt awful for making reference to such petty gossip.
Then the man let out a titter of laughter, a giggle and the redhead thought that she might drop dead from embarrassment. He was taking it far better than she would have imagined but the fact that he found it amusing and that he seemed to be laughing at her was almost too much to bear. However, as he began to speak, she realised that death wouldn’t be final enough for her because surely the humiliation of this would follow her into the next life. No, she needed to drop dead and have her soul ripped apart, her essence scattered and lost as the pieces of the Circle’s divine realm had been.
“N-N-No, I wasn’t a-a-asking! Good Lady!” she blurted, a hand coming up to screen her face. She hadn’t been asking, it hadn’t been some poorly veiled question, it- Oh Circle have mercy!
What made it worse was that he kept talking and providing her with information. She ought to have been scandalised by his admittance, especially about experience because she was a girl alone and their relationship was a professional one and certainly not meant to dip into these matters. On one hand, there should be no reason why this couldn’t be discussed in an intellectual fashion, why sex and sexuality should be treated with squeamishness but on the other hand, this wasn’t a conversation that she could handle and surely, any decent woman would find it inappropriate.
You’re hardly decent given the lengths to which you went to come here and gain his attention, she pointed, the thought hardly incorrect as she had certainly come here with some sort of intent. Furthermore, she couldn’t be said to be entirely unhappy with the direction of the conversation because it confirmed that he was interested in women, which made her heart flutter excitedly, hope glowing more brightly in it. It meant that she was in with a chance. Maybe. Perhaps. She was being a daft, overly emotional schoolgirl and she was better than this but Niamh was interested in him and he was physically interested in women and she was one!
If you count as a real woman physically! her mind spat snidely, something suspiciously Oísin-like mixed in with the voice of her own self-doubt. She had to resist the urge not to look down at herself and take stock of all the physical departments in which she was lacking. If her face hadn’t been set to permanent blush, the colour might have drained away.
“Of course it shouldn’t! I mean, I-I-I’m not bothered e-e-either way. Same-sex a-a-attraction isn’t something that sh-should make anyone feel uncomfortable! Fionn is- And I’ve no issue- I wasn’t even a-a-asking, Professor, honestly!” the redhead garbled, hands twisting before her now, fingers tangling excitedly with one another.
“I wasn’t trying to- I just- Rumours are n-n-nasty things and I w-w-was trying to be sympathetic—empathetic—because everyone knows I’m a lesbian. N-N-No, not lesbian, I- No one knows b-because I’m not a- Everyone knows I’ve no interest in men, n-not that anyone has seen. I-I-I-”
Any hope of coherency was impossible if she just allowed her tongue to keep running but if she stopped it to take a breath and calm herself then that gave him a chance to process her words before she could clear up the confusion she’d created. He’d get entirely the wrong idea!
The young woman shut up with a whining groan, a hand finding her burning face before sliding up into her hair, dragging it into disarray. The gesture was so like that of Fionn’s but in her case, the chaos created was greater. Strands shifted and tangled every which way and some ended up in front of her face, the suffering Madden having a wild impulse to just throw all of it in front of her so she’d never have to risk meeting Harper Moore’s eye again.
Instead, she set about combing it into some sort of order again with her fingers, the self-conscious gesture maybe easing things for her a little because it gave her something else to focus on.
“Plenty of people think that I’m a lesbian because I-I’ve been cold towards young men who have- And my brother likes to say that I’m n-n-not very attractive so I must be- Not that that has any bearing on… on anything,” the Living Conversationalist explained frantically.
Gosh, this was going to be a birthday that Harper Moore recalled rather vividly — for all the wrong reasons.
“I just… empathise but of course, it doesn’t- It would be nice if we could be friends. O-Outside the lab,” she finished lamely.
