[Clock's Eve, Closed] Oh What A Night! (Lars)

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Fionn
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Thu Nov 07, 2019 5:15 pm

Clock's Eve 2719 | Clocking Late
Brunnhold Campus
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It was quite clocking ridiculous but Fionn had managed to miss some of Clock's Eve. He'd managed to have a nap, entirely unintentional of course, but it felt like something that he couldn't have gotten away with at any other time of the year. A rest was all well and good but he'd just dropped into Keyes' office for a bit of a breather, a chance to breathe away from the hustle and bustle of the festivities surrounding the New Year and it wasn't as if anyone would go looking for him in there. Of course, the youth had also neglected to employ any artificial light, paranoid that it would only draw attention to the fact that someone was in the room and he hadn't wanted that. Maybe if he hadn't been sitting there in the dark, he wouldn't have dropped off and come around to faint moonlight coming in through the windows.

He had no idea what hour of the night it was and he wasn't entirely sure that he cared but he'd had a chance to look out at the moon which was well risen so it was definitely late. The time of his curfew had no doubt come and perhaps even now, the Patron of his wing had begun a hue and cry. The man was a greater stickler for the rules than Fred and Ayden had ever been, stricter than many Patrons he'd had actually and he seemed to have some anxiety about having things proper. Then again, given the night that was in it, it was possible that things were generally pear-shaped in the wing and the ward as a whole. Either way, he couldn't do anything about it now, it wasn't as if he could ask Alioe to turn the clocks back on his account.

As he crept out of the professor's office into the quiet halls beyond, he discovered that he was wide awake now and that he probably wouldn't be able to sleep if he returned to his dorm. However, he wasn't certain if he should return despite the fact that he'd likely be climbing the walls or if he'd extend his freedom now that he had it. Fionn was probably missed already as he'd broken curfew so there was no harm in just staying out. Well, there was plenty of harm actually because if he had been missed, he'd get in trouble the longer he was away but the youth didn't feel much like caring right now. He was sure that he could provide some sort of excuse for his tardiness and another hour, say, wouldn't make much difference.

The real question was what did he intend to do with his borrowed time?

The teenager had a cloak with him, one of the ones dotted about for the passives in wintertime because their galdori masters weren't cruel obviously but were kind and considerate and they definitely had their best interests at heart. If they were cruel then they'd let them freeze in this wintry weather, right? No, he wasn’t bitter about the bare minimum that the galdori did for his kind, not at all. The things they had to be seen to do. After all, if they saw some scrap roaming around Brunnhold in just their uniform in the midst of Ophus or Intas with snow whirling around them then all the galdori would have to feel guilty. They couldn’t have those sorts of things on their consciences! Thanks to that potential attack of conscience, he could roam around a little bit without freezing his bits off because it was really clocking bitter cold outside.

He slipped it on, moving swiftly downstairs, tucking it closely around him and pulling up the hood to protect his head from the harshness of the weather before he slipped outside. Heavy snow drifts clung to the grounds, the paths clear and salted, snaking safe routes through the university grounds. The paths were gritty beneath his feet, a degree of slickness to them where as yet unmelted snow had gathered, blown across by the gusting wind. It wasn't a good night to be out, the icy weather nipping at his limbs even through the protective layer that he wore. He walked swiftly, no direction in mind but simply needing to move, to stay warm.

Fionn wanted to stop and peer up at the moon, the very symbol of the deity that this night celebrated but it was too cold. It was hardly worth it anyway, the sliver of silvery white rock nowhere near as beautiful as when Benea was at its fullest. The young man still wanted to look though, head tilted up, gazing up at it from beneath the cloak's hood, his vision somewhat obscured. The teenager paid little attention to where he was going, finding himself noting the paths so that he wouldn't stray from them but inadvertently looping around, beginning to shiver violently in his indecision until he ended up in the vicinity of a nexus, remembering then that he was meant to be sneaking around instead of wandering aimlessly. It was a nexus that was familiar to him, one that snapped him out of his worship of the heavens.

"Lars. Hello," he greeted his former roommate, hushed as he grew close to him.

His sun. He couldn't seem to escape his draw, caught in orbit around him even when it was ill-advised. The middle Madden couldn't seem to keep away, even if he might end up burned, especially after how their last interaction had gone. His beautiful golden boy. Even now, he wanted to reach out to touch his face, trace the sharp angles and let his fingers glide through the golden locks of hair. The servant had avoided him recently and that hadn't been easy. So close to him, the familiarity of his nexus touching his own, Fionn questioned how he could have stayed away for so long.

"Happy new year. I... I missed you," the teenager admitted, smiling self-consciously, shyly. The youth couldn't stand there staring at him though as much as he might have wanted to do so. Too cold.

"Look I... I'm not going back to the ward yet but... can we go somewhere? To... to talk?" Fionn suggested, shifting weight from foot to foot.

Talk, he said but he wasn't thinking about talking, not exactly. Something involving lips, yes but...

"A classroom? No gollies there and... we'd actually have privacy..."
Last edited by Fionn on Fri Nov 08, 2019 6:24 am, edited 1 time in total. word count: 1141

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Lars
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: le machiavel
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Thu Nov 07, 2019 6:34 pm

CAMPUS GROUNDS
INTAS 1, 2719 - LATER THAN LATE
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Lars wondered what blood would look like spattered against the glowing snow. He imagined a beautiful, sharp contrast, dark red droplets on a pure white blanket, similar to the bright stars above and the endless dark sky where they resided.

The hall was too quiet, now that the passive had abandoned the music, turning on the little piano bench toward the windows to look outside. Fog had begun to muddy the glass at the very bottoms and tops of each pane, and he could feel the cold as it pressed in. He sat there alone for a few minutes longer, staring out the windows, calloused hands chilled to the bone where they rested neatly in his lap.

When he finally stood, and began to walk through the Great Hall, he could hear his shoes as they tapped lightly against the floor, echoing around him in the dark. His hands moved behind him, untying his dirtied apron and pulling it from his waist, continuing onward outside despite not having any sort of warm covering with him. The Hessean wasn't bothered, however, or at least didn't seem to be; the sleeves of his pale blue shirt were rolled to his elbows, baring pale, slender arms to the cold night air. He carried his apron like a butler might carry a cleaning towel, draped over one arm, folded hastily but neatly nonetheless.

He felt strange. He couldn't quite place it, and he likely couldn't really describe it if he'd been asked, but something felt different.

Ah, perhaps it was just the new year. Plenty of students and professors alike enjoyed going on about how the new year would bring them countless changes, always speculating that that meant for the better but he'd seen enough years, and he'd seen little changes in anything. Each one was exactly the same as the last, save for the minute differences, and although now and then things popped up and demanded attention... life continued on just the same. This year would hardly be any different than the last.

It would always be the same - he was almost two decades in, now, but after three he was sure it'd be the same, and after four, five, six, maybe even seven if he made it that long, it would all still be the same. Cooking, cleaning, eating, sleeping, working from sunrise to sunset and sometimes beyond.

He was caught up in these thoughts as he walked, utterly distracted and unaware of whatever might've been around him. In fact, he hardly noticed when he was approached, only lifting his eyes from the snowy ground when he heard his name.

The servant's expression shifted, slightly, an empty face giving way to something subtle but softer.

Fionn. He hadn't been expecting to see him, and he was clearly surprised, but not unhappy. The younger had been avoiding him, again, something that hadn't gone without the Hessean's notice, something that had been bothering him even more than when he'd been avoiding him before. At least then, he'd had a reason that he could understand. Now... he didn't, and he wondered why the other servant even bothered to catch his attention - he couldn't let himself think that Fionn actually wanted to see him.

So the blonde was taken slightly aback at the younger man's admission, and at the shy smile that accompanied it.

It took him a few seconds to process the request - he wanted to talk? That was... fine, of course. Lars was already out too late, and he figured being a bit later wouldn't make much of a difference at this point. The blonde offered a nod, light blue gaze fixed upon the other servant, as if searching for some indication of why, but didn't ask.

"Yes, of course," Lars replied, his voice soft against the gentle, cold breeze, "...he missed you, too."

In an admittedly very shy and nervous gesture, he extended a hand, as if wanting for Fionn to grasp and hold onto it, "lead the way?"
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Fionn
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Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:19 am

Clock's Eve 2719 | Clocking Late
Brunnhold Campus
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Fionn just wanted to drink him in but that could wait until they were inside somewhere. Unlike Lars, who had his bloody sleeves rolled up, the servant was actually cold! Actually just looking at his former roommate so exposed in spite of the harsh cold of the weather was more than a little unsettling for him. He couldn't imagine standing out in this in just a shirt, the thin fabric providing no protection against the bite of the icy wind, but at least a shirt was some protection, even if it was largely an illusion. The exposed limbs though, so pale and and almost blue looking although he wasn't sure if that was the result of the moonlight or what. The youth was fairly sure that skin took on more of a purple cast when it was properly chilled so perhaps it was that that he was seeing. Either way, it didn't look particularly healthy and even though Lars didn't seem to care, Fionn was definitely concerned. He had to resist the urge to take off the cloak he wore and drape it around the other passive because he had no idea how long he'd been out here in this state and he might well need the covering more than the middle Madden did. The other looked sort of dazed and dreamy as if he wasn't fully aware of what was going on. Could you go a little moony from cold?

No, he didn't want to think about the idea of Lars being moony. He wasn't moony, he was just... different. Honestly, he could just be a bit spaced anyway, it wasn't entirely out of the ordinary for him.

Still, he did have an alertness about him as he spoke to Fionn and he couldn't think of him as... wrong in the head when he was saying that he'd missed him too, even if he did say it in that particularly Lars way of his. It was very nice to hear it though, even if the teenager wasn't entirely sure where they stood. Two facets of the older boy's personality had emerged - two personalities in truth - during their last interaction and while it might have happened before, he hadn't seen it before and it had been clear that one side of Lars really didn't like him whereas the other did. What the hell was he meant to make of that? Well... he was hoping to find out.

The other held out his hand shyly to hover between them. Fionn gazed at it for a few moments in incomprehension, eyeing delicate, tapering fingers ghostly in the dim moonlight. His brown eyes flicked from the hand to Lars's face. Oh. Oh! He literally wanted him to lead him. By the hand. He didn't think that he'd done that since his childhood and even then it mustn't have happened that often.

He tentatively removed a hand from the warmth of the cloak where he'd had it burrowed and grasped the other's hand before he could think better of it. He gasped.

"Good Lady! You're fucking freezing, Lars! Clock the Circle, how can you- How long have you been out here like this, you moony bastard?" he asked, his tone scolding and somewhat irritated although his face was pinched with concern. His own hand trembling a little as he took the other from the cloak to enclose the icy digits. "I didn't mean moony as in- I just meant- Look, you know I don't mean it nastily, I'm just... I'm an idiot, you know that," the youth apologised hastily and earnestly, moving closer if the other didn't try to stop him.

He had every intention of moving right beside him and throwing the cloak about his shoulders, sharing its warmth and that of his body. He'd thought that he was cold but compared to the Hessean he really wasn't, he couldn't be. At least Fionn had his skin covered.

"Come on, we'll go to the... well we can try the library, that kind of area. It should be comfortable in there. And warm. You need warm. How long have you been wandering around like this, Lars? Do you even know? It's below freezing. Way below freezing. I don't know if I should go looking for Niamh or something. If you... if you're okay or if you need- I wouldn't bring you to the Infirmary," he explained, aware that he was beginning to ramble, talking to himself more than to his companion as he steered them in the general direction of the Library and the Living classrooms.

"I can warm you up though, eh?" he joked, giving him a gentle nudge with his elbow. Lighten the mood because well... he was a bit worried now. Now that he'd actually touched him and...

Fionn had touched a dead body before after it was cold and it had been like that to the touch, the way Lars's skin felt right now. So yes, he worried. He knew people could die from cold and this was very bitter indeed.
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Lars
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Fri Nov 08, 2019 11:26 am

CAMPUS GROUNDS
INTAS 1, 2719 - LATER THAN LATE
When Fionn took his hand, the older had expected to simply carry on, to follow after the other servant in relative silence and be left alone to his curious, slightly fearful thoughts. The gasp drew him away from this notion, pulling his eyes back to their hands and wondering if he'd done something wrong. He listened with a note of concern to his gaze, foggy and distant but nonetheless clearly trying to be attentive, not letting himself dwell on the fact that Fionn had just called him moony. Fionn had always been adamant about him not calling himself that, about others not calling him that, but he - no. He wasn't dwelling.

Then his former roommate moved closer, sharing his cloak now that he'd deemed him too cold, and Lars felt a soft, tiny smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. "You're not an idiot," he objected, quietly, but didn't attempt to say anything else just yet, allowing the younger to ramble and not appearing to mind in the slightest. He let himself be guided, pulling his sleeves down to cover his arms now that he'd noticed it bothering the other, grateful for the cloak's warmth even if he hadn't felt he needed it.

Maybe it was because he'd been working so much inside. In the kitchens, he'd have been grateful for the cold, and perhaps that was why he had barely even noticed it when he'd stepped out. He was beginning to, now, the night's low temperatures suddenly brought to his awareness as they walked, his sharp nose tinted pink.

"He's fine," Lars assured, glancing over to the younger, "he's sorry. He didn't mean to worry you. It was hot in the kitchens."

Still, the gentle nudge to his side made him blush, the blonde's rosy cheeks no longer caused only by the cold, and he offered a little smile in return.

"He's not been out for very long, no," he added in response to the servant's question, looking forward again, "really, he'll be fine. It'll be nice to get inside though."

Soon enough, they were back in the halls of Brunnhold proper, and Lars could no longer see his breath in the air as it exited his nose. He raised a hand from beneath the cloak, running his fingers through his hair to knock loose some of the snow that'd fallen onto the golden curls.

"Where did you want to go?" inquired the Savatier gently, "the library, or a classroom?"
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Fionn
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Fri Nov 08, 2019 5:42 pm

Clock's Eve 2719 | Clocking Late
Brunnhold Campus to Grand Library
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Not an idiot. Well. He begged to differ because he could be a real idiot at times. He'd been an idiot when he'd beaten Lars; he hadn't known about his moony blood but that wouldn't have helped if he'd killed him. He'd been an idiot for listening to Ayden too.

He'd always been an idiot in truth and it had always gotten him into trouble. It had always been all his own fault.

He was worried about Lars though and so while he knew he was an idiot, it wasn't important that he drive that point home to his companion. It was far more important that he look after his former roommate who seemed to need it, silly dreamy fool that he was; Fionn was protective. It was good to see some awareness come to him though, his sleeves rolled down under the boy's watchful gaze. The other blond didn't protest at having the cloak thrown around him and didn't attempt to shrug it off either. It was hardly a comfortable position for the younger passive, the nearness of the other leeching the warmth from his own body. He assumed that the other was warming up but he couldn't tell if the Savatier was warmer or if he'd just cooled to match. The middle Madden was definitely feeling chilled and it helped lend a quickness to his steps, not moving as fast as he might have liked as he was joined to the other.

The teenager was able to relax though, soothed by the other's words, certain that what he admitted was true. He really must have been quite hot though if he hadn't noticed the clocking weather. He'd obviously been pretty distracted as well, his mind elsewhere and he had to wonder what had been in his thoughts. Also if he hadn't come along would Lars have been able to endure the weather to a point where it grew dangerous simply by not noticing? That was some daydream. Fionn wasn't sure that he should ask. Honestly, it might be better for him not to know what the older passive thought about, especially given that he'd gotten some worrying glimpses in the past although he was largely enigmatic.

Fionn watched him as they walked, glad that the dim light allowed him enough illumination to trace the other's features with his eyes. It was an excellent profile, the other truly beautiful. Beautiful and handsome at the same time. He was a perfect marriage between femininity and masculinity, and the youth appreciated every inch of him - every inch of him he'd seen at least. He really had missed him and it wasn't a lust thing, not entirely. There was an allure to him, a draw that had tickled his fancy from the first moment that they met. But he also appreciated that subtle strength, the iron will that lay beneath the surface that had allowed him to endure so much and to kill for him. He owed the other his life and that created a special sort of bond; he didn't think that he would ever share a relationship like this with anybody else.

"Well, I'll certainly be happy to get inside again! Benea is beautiful but it'll look just as lovely through a window... if I remember to look at it," Fionn murmured, the corner of his mouth twitching up once more. He couldn't help himself but it wasn't as if he was putting it on either; there was a high chance that he'd get too distracted to bother looking out.

They got inside, the lighting better now and he disentangled himself from the cloak, making a move to tuck it more tightly around the other blond; he'd probably need it for a bit longer. In here, he could see the pink in his face and it made him smile. Hell, he wanted to grin in truth but he bit his lip in an attempt to keep it contained. The older servant wasn't anywhere near as giddy as he was and he was feeling giddy now, it was true. He was pleased to see Lars but he was also excited at the prospect of where they were going. The only time of the year that he was likely to manage it so he could hardly let the opportunity go to waste and it was a delicious prospect.

He really did love to do things that he wasn't meant to do.

"Library. We aren't meant to be in there. We might get ideas just from being near books, right? Let's go nose around in there and see what the big deal is. We can imagine how much the gollies would cry if they knew we were in there," he sniggered, drawing him in that direction. He laughed a little more, the tone of it becoming embarrassed. His hand found the back of his neck.

"Okay so... I might also be quite interested in seeing the books. I know, I'm a bit uh.. .I do like learning things and uh... I'm a bit pathetic, I know. You're more than welcome to laugh. I'm sure there's more in there than just a bunch of books though but no one will be there on Clock's Eve so... good place to be," he admitted.

The youth knew where the Library was of course but he'd never been in there. Passives were brought in to do work but they were watched intently and the ones who did it would be trusted servants. He'd never get in, he was pretty sure; Fionn would never build up the required level of trust. It was an easy task for him to get there, to test the door and-

Yes, it was open. Of course it was open.

He pushed his way through the entrance, unable to stop an ecstatic grin from splitting his features. It was a wonder that he didn't bounce into the place, he was so excited. But also a bit embarrassed and self-conscious. His companion probably thought that he was moony. He crept into the hushed space, intending to do a once over of the area before settling but he moved through shelves and found the Reading Area and that was the end of that. It was lovely really. Overstuffed chairs and everything cast in a ghostly light. He couldn't bring himself to sit though, simply hovering.

"This is a good spot. Still a bit chilly in here, I'll admit but they've had fires lit at some point today - holiday or not - and it's clocking warmer than out there. Are you uh... feeling better?" he asked, finding himself chewing on his thumbnail as he waited for Lars to sit. If the other settled then he might be able to as well. Or he might settle on the arm of his chair. Or his lap. Honestly, Fionn wasn't sure what he wanted. He did want to be close to him though.

So much privacy and yet he didn't have a clocking clue what to do with it.
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Lars
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: le machiavel
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Fri Nov 08, 2019 6:20 pm

THE LIBRARY
INTAS 1, 2719 - LATER THAN LATE
Lars watched his former roommate with an open, warm expression, even if it was ever-difficult for that to reach his eyes. He couldn't understand why Fionn was always so quick to put himself down, even for little things like wanting to see the library and its books. He had his flaws, yes, as all of them did.... but he wasn't the pathetic creature he made himself out to be. The way he carried on when he got excited about something was hardly comparable to someone like Jamie, who Lars had dealt with just fine, but had grown tired of hearing after the first few years. No, he didn't mind listening to Fionn, not when it had always been so difficult for himself to speak up.

He wasn't as excited by the prospect of seeing all the books, not when they were practically just dead weight in his hands, but it was nice to see the younger so pleased by the idea. It was nice to see him happy, or at least happier than he had been, and Lars wished he could capture that happiness and keep it there.

"Why would he laugh?" the older questioned, genuinely curious, following alongside the other on their way to the library, "he doesn't think it's pathetic. He's just glad to see you smiling," the servant admitted, eyes downcast to the floor as they walked.

The library wasn't new to him. He'd worked in there, many times, though each time had been spread out through the years and he hardly considered it familiar territory. The Hessean followed his companion through the rows, not nearly as interested in the books that lined their shelves as the younger, but pleased to be there nonetheless. When they came to the little reading section, furnished with plush chairs and lit with a low light, Lars moved closer to Fionn again, moving to remove the cloak and set it gently over the back of one of the chairs.

He offered a nod in response, stepping closer, and closer again until he was only a few inches from the other servant, blue gaze searching his face.

"Yes," he gave, one hand reaching up, setting itself against Fionn's chest gently, the other arm wrapping his own waist as if he was nervous, "he's alright. No need to worry about him." A little smile found its way onto his face again, the dusting across his face perhaps a bit redder than it'd been before.

The Savatier dropped his hand, then, using it to grab loosely at the younger's wrist, guiding him to one of the plush chairs and pressing gently at his shoulders to get him down. Lars followed him down partially, sitting at the arm of the chair, turned toward his roommate. Somewhere in his mind he knew that he wanted to be closer, that he'd prefer to shift over a bit and fall into the servant's lap instead, but remained still. Despite the other passive's niceties so far, he didn't want to push things. He was surprised enough by the simple action of talking.

"You wanted to talk?" reminded Lars, leaning against the back of the chair, his head resting against it, golden curls falling to partially cover his face.
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Fionn
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Sat Nov 09, 2019 11:11 am

Clock's Eve 2719 | Clocking Late
Grand Library, Brunnhold
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He couldn’t have explained why he felt so self-conscious about wanting to learn things. Honestly, it depended who he was around. If he was around a galdor, it seemed acceptable, especially at Brunnhold. They were studious, they were diligent in their work and investigations into phenomenon and theories and all of that. He was probably most likely to feel particularly at home with Harper Moore as unlike Devlin, he’d felt that the man got lost in the sheer joy of knowledge and that had been apparent from their brief meeting in Dentis. Devlin had something else beneath the surface, something underhanded. There was a sense that he could laugh at you from behind whatever expression he might wear at present.

It was one thing to show your intelligence and ask questions and all of that around galdori but with passives… The things he wanted would probably seem frivolous to his fellow scraps. What use was the pursuit of knowledge in their way of life? How did knowing about different types of mona help you in the laundry? Who cared about being erudite when you were plucking and gutting a hen? It was laughable and they would probably think that he thought himself above them, better than them. That wasn’t inaccurate but it wasn’t wise to let other people know that for sure; they probably guessed though.

Still, it was nice to hear Lars so understanding and maybe a bit nicer to hear him mention Fionn’s smile. It was an unexpected comment, one that made him smile a little more, self-conscious and shy but still there, new spots of pink blooming in his cheeks that had nothing to do with the cold he’d just left.

It was strange for him, this situation, and he didn’t know how to handle it. Niamh had talked about things like love and relationships while Fionn had rolled his eyes and cringed, the young man embarrassed by her. What did she know? She got silly just saying Harper’s name instead of calling him professor, beyond ridiculous and unable to fathom what being with someone was like. She’d talked about how liking men wasn’t bad, that it was acceptable for men to love each other and he’d been crass, coming out with a bit of information about what that ‘loving’ was like and there was nothing romantic about it.

But maybe he shouldn’t have sneered and laughed because whatever this was with Lars, it wasn’t what he was accustomed to at all. He didn’t know what this was because it wasn’t straight up lust - he knew how to handle that. Honestly, lust would be easier to deal with rather than the fluttering nerves in his stomach, the excited rhythm of his heart, the almost hyperactivity that surged through his blood.

It was why the teenager didn’t know what to do when they got into the library, unable to bring himself to roam among the shelves, peering at books as he had intended to do. Even when he got to the seating area, he couldn’t bring himself to sit down. Lars seemed to be in no hurry to sit down either, even if he did set the cloak on one of the chairs.

He didn’t think that he could become any more discombobulated but then the older servant approached, setting his hand on Fionn’s chest and-

Oh boy!

He wondered if the other could feel the thunder of his heart as it tried to escape the confines of his chest. Maybe it was trying to get itself within the man’s grasp. Fionn would rather just give it to him if it would allow that mad pulse to stop because it was damned uncomfortable and that fluttering in his stomach was beginning to make him feel a little ill. Maybe he was just very overexcited; the middle Madden had no idea what was going on inside him. The other was so close, close enough for him to bridge the gap between them and press their lips together, and yet he hesitated.

They were talking or they would be. Yes, talking was good. Talking was sensible. The youth had certainly had thoughts about some things he’d like to say to Lars if he had the chance but he couldn’t think of much to say right now, not when he was this close.

”I… Good, I’m glad,” he murmured, gaze roaming his face, meeting his blue eyes and then skittering away. He might not know what to do but the Hessean did, reaching down to grasp his wrist to lead him; Fionn allowed himself to be led, more than willing. He had no idea what the other wanted although he was bursting with expectation. He did let out a short, nervous laugh when he found himself pressed gently into a chair. Sitting, of course. What else had he been thinking might happen? And then another short laugh as Lars took the arm of the chair as his pew.

”Talk? Oh! Right! Talk, uh…”

How did he make words again? What were the words he wanted to make again? What had he wanted to tell Lars, to ask him? He’d had all sorts of things he’d wanted to say after that encounter in Fionn’s room. He’d certainly said plenty of things to Jamie afterwards, stupid rambling mostly and his roommate had said far more - about Lars. Gosh, he wasn’t sure that he knew how to form thoughts right now.

The teenager closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing, to calm his mind so that he could think of something but he couldn’t ignore the other’s presence, especially when his nexus enveloped him. He found himself tilting towards him instead, moving closer to the centre of it, nearer to the source. Provided that Lars didn’t pull away, Fionn would end up leaning his head against him. After that, he found his arms moving to snake around the other’s waist.

”I can’t… remember what I wanted to talk about,” he admitted softly, biting his lip. No, he had an idea what he wanted to ask, he just didn’t know how to frame it. ”Lars… back in my room - our room - when we last… talked. I… wasn’t okay afterwards. You said… things and I… I don’t know…”

The teenager sighed, opening his eyes at last and tilting his head up so he could look up at his former roommate.

”I want this, I do but… will you always… hate me? Some part of you, Lars? Laurentius?”
Last edited by Fionn on Sat Nov 09, 2019 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total. word count: 1150
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Lars
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Location: Old Rose
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: le machiavel
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Sat Nov 09, 2019 12:16 pm

THE LIBRARY
INTAS 1, 2719 - LATER THAN LATE
The older didn't resist when Fionn moved to rest his head against him, and didn't mind either when he felt arms slip around his waist. The closeness was comforting; an indication of the younger blonde's feelings in the moment, and it helped Lars to calm most of the doubtful thoughts in his head. Not all of them, but most - and that was enough for him to relax into the touch, leaning slightly against Fionn as well. One of his hands went to the boy's head, resting atop his scalp to gently push through his hair in some attempt to be calming.

He listened with an open mind for his former roommate's words, fingers softly dragging through his blonde locks, gaze cast out into the darkness. He couldn't blame him for forgetting whatever question he'd had; Lars would have forgotten, too, if he'd had something of importance to say before. It was hard to think about questions and answers when he got to see Fionn - it was so rarely, anymore, that he did, and he was certain his mind would throw out any inquiries to make room for the light-hearted dizziness that accompanied seeing him. There was always some measure of sadness there, too; he told himself not to dwell, again.

He felt the other passive's stare upon him soon enough, and light eyes flicked downward to meet Fionn's gaze, glinting in the low light of the library. His question... hadn't been expected, but he wasn't surprised. Lars had.... he was moony, he knew it, everybody knew it and now Fionn did, too. Even if he hadn't believed it before, he had to now - maybe that's why he'd called him moony outside, because he was giving in to the truth -

Still. Fionn said he wanted this. Lars took a breath, silent and slow, observing the other's face as he pondered the question.

"He doesn't... hate you," the servant clarified, quietly, "no part of him hates you."

It wasn't a lie, either, and he felt the need to get that out of the way before anything else. He bit idly at the inside of his cheek, building himself up to speak again, to speak properly like his roommate had always asked (and sometimes demanded).

"I'm sorry about last time, Fionn. I know I must've seemed so moony, I - I didn't... intend to do that," he admitted, "he hasn't felt - I haven't felt... him, since then. Not in the same way, it's like -"

Gods, he didn't know how to talk about this, he didn't even understand it himself. Lars was searching for the words, glancing out into the darkness again, fingers softly twisting blonde hair between them, "I don't know. I'm sorry. It doesn't make any sense. But..."

He swallowed hard, eyes darting to the other chair, almost as if he could see something - or someone - sitting there.

"...It wont happen again. I promise."

Lars wasn't really sure if that was more a promise to himself or to the servant leaning against him, but he didn't think it mattered so long as it rang true. The blonde took another breath, looking back down to Fionn, his hand slipping down slightly to rest against his cheek instead.

"It's just me. And no part of me wants anything but to be with you," his nervousness shone through his speech, the older servant so unused to this sort of conversation, but clearly trying quite hard to do well.
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Fionn
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Sat Nov 09, 2019 5:39 pm

Clock's Eve, 2719 | Clocking Late
Grand Library, Brunnhold
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It was surprisingly soothing to lie against Lars. Oh, it didn't relax him straight away but as he grew used to the sensation of having his head against the older man, arm encircling him, he found that it was actually quite nice. It was also lovely when he felt fingers in his hair. He did tense initially at first, accustomed to the fingers of others trailing through the strands for a specific purpose but they failed to tighten and grip so he relaxed. It was a very soothing thing actually, the youth leaning into Lars' hand a little, like a pet seeking more attention; his osta had done that once. He found that he liked it quite a lot, the closeness and he felt that this was different than what he'd experienced before. He felt wanted and it didn't feel shallow or fleeting. It was why he wanted this. It was special and he didn't want to ruin it, whatever it was. It seemed fragile and precarious and he didn't fully understand it so he had no idea what could throw it off kilter.

Smashing your fists into him again might do it, he thought abruptly, some dark recess offering that up. It wasn't a suggestion, it was- He didn't know what it was honestly. Horrifying mainly. He couldn't imagine doing that again. It was hard to believe that he could do anything like that to anyone ever again but he couldn't harm Lars, his beautiful golden boy. Not again. Never again. Just the thought of it disgusted him, made him leaning a little more into him, embracing him just a little tighter as if letting him go would allow that aggressive part of him would re-emerge and harm the other.

The Savatier wasn't the only one at war with himself.

Gazing up into the other's face, he knew that his own must be pink given how scrutinised he felt, the whole thing incredibly intimate but he didn't think that he would rather be anywhere else right now, especially given that the man had warmed up so it wasn't unpleasant to be close to him now. He didn't even want to be doing anything else, the closest he'd ever been to someone before, which was interesting given that he was still wearing clothes and oddly didn't feel inclined to take them off either.

But he didn't know how the Hessean felt and whatever his answer was could break this or at least put Fionn on some very shaky ground. He didn't know how he'd feel knowing that something inside of this man loathed him.

The response was clear, no room for misinterpretation. There was a moment of hesitation before he said 'hated' but he figured that that was simply reluctance to say the word, so strong and maybe... maybe he couldn't even imagine feeling that way, the word almost incomprehensible. Fionn could understand that; he couldn't imagine feeling that way about Lars and he knew exactly what hatred felt like.

The word 'moony' made him frown, brown eyes shining disapprovingly in the dim light. His hand moved to the other's knee, squeezing it gently, reassuringly. The young man was distressed now - by Lars standards at least. Fionn could see it and he was sorry for it, terrified that he had broken things by asking for reassurances. Selfish reassurance. If he hadn't been so needy, hadn't deemed it necessary to ask him about what had happened. He could have just kept his mouth shut but no, now he risked upsetting things and he needed to fix them. It was time to offer some reassurances of his own.

"Don't... You aren't moony. I never thought- Moony is just something nasty people say to describe something different that they don't understand. Like scrap. As if we're worthless but we aren't," he murmured earnestly . He moved his hand to rest on top of Lars' one, tilting his cheek into it on the other side. And then impulsively, he turned his head to kiss the other's hand instead. Soft, the lightest press of lips against calloused skin.

As soon as he'd done it, he wasn't sure what had possessed him to do it. It was strange but... he liked it? He wasn't certain but yes, it did seem nice. He looked up at the other's face, seeking some sign that he'd done the right thing - or the wrong one.

"Listen to me. I don't think that you're moony and you don't... you don't have to explain anything to me. You don't have to excuse yourself, I just... I didn't understand but I don't have to, Lars," he whispered, smiling gently, moving in for another light kiss of the man's hand. Again, he wasn't sure why he did it but if he kept doing it then perhaps he'd find out what he thought of it.

It was a very different sort of intimacy and it wasn't something he'd done before. It felt like it was something unique, just for Lars.

"I just wanted to know but I believe you. Even if some part of you had hated me... I'm not sure that I could have kept away," he admitted, realising that it was true at the very moment the words left his lips. He found himself grinning, chuckling softly.

"Even if you were moony, I love the moon. It's Alioe's symbol and I am a true Anaxi. The real question is... can you put up with me and my mooniness?" the teenager asked, gently teasing. He could only hope that the other appreciated his humour. Then again, he wasn't entirely joking; the young man was hardly stable himself.
word count: 1024
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Lars
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Location: Old Rose
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: le machiavel
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Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:17 pm

THE LIBRARY
INTAS 1, 2719 - LATER THAN LATE
Lars felt the younger tighten his hold around his waist, slightly, and he leaned a bit closer to make it all the easier for him. He felt, too, the hand that moved to his knee, squeezing it gently, reassuringly, before it moved to cover his hand instead. Both of his hands were warmer now, in the sanctuary the library provided from the cold, delicate yet calloused fingers comfortable beneath the other servant's touch. He didn't lift his head from where it rested against the backing of the chair, but he did turn it just a bit downward, getting a better angle to view Fionn's rose-tinted face.

The other passive - well, he - he wasn't sure what it meant - but he pressed the softest of kisses to his hand, and seemed to surprise himself just as much as he did Lars with the little action. It was entirely unexpected; perhaps it was only because he was so new to all of this, or because it was still such a shock for him to realize that for once, he liked someone else and they liked him, too, but the kiss only deepened his blush, the older passive unable to suppress the tiny sounds of nervous, giddy laughter. It was quiet, and barely there, but it escaped him nonetheless, golden strands of hair falling over his eyes.

And then Fionn was talking again, providing ever more whispered reassurances, and Lars wasn't sure how his heart remained in place in his chest when it felt likely to fly out of his mouth and into the sky at any given moment. He brought his free hand up to his own face now, pushing his hair out of his eyes, staring at the younger through a warm and almost disbelieving blue gaze. It wasn't that he didn't believe Fionn, or that he didn't trust him - it was all just so strange. It'd been strange enough when Clover had confessed her affections, but that had been different, he hadn't understood the basis for them and hadn't felt anything toward her in return. But this was... it felt... he felt as if he wasn't a servant, in that moment, and he wasn't a passive at all, but a normal person spending a private moment with their lover in a library.

Was that what he was? That seemed strange, as well, to truly think of another person as his lover, especially when he doubted that anyone else would think of it that way. Was it moony of him to think of it? Was it moony to want it? Lars had never been this close to anyone, and he knew that many passives had relationships despite the strict boundaries enforced, but he had never desired one. He had never thought himself capable, and perhaps more strange than anything else was that he was.

No, he'd better not start thinking of it like that. Fionn had been avoiding him again, until now, and just because he was being affectionate and kissing his hand - again, he noted, with another little smile - didn't mean that they were suddenly anything more than former roommates. He didn't want to embarrass himself again.

Lars pulled his hand back, but only to grab the younger's hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing gently.

"Of course I can," he replied, his voice soft, and the servant finally moved for real, pushing himself from the arm of the chair to instead sit in it with Fionn, not on top of him but turned completely toward him, sharing the cushion. He was smiling brighter now, normally vacant blue eyes for once displaying the fullness of his emotions, glistening and light with the abundance. A hand reached up again to rest against his companion's cheek, thumb smoothing softly against his cheekbone, and Lars continued.

"I've not got a drop of Anaxi blood in my veins, but I still know the moon's beauty. I have no issue in bathing in its light," he smiled against the words, and felt, for a moment, at peace.
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