BRUNNHOLD TO VIENDA | LATE EVENING, OVER THE CITY
The word was barely audible above her panicked rambling, Lilanee clamoring to shove the words back inside and push them down so they didn’t really exist at all, wishing for all the world that such a magic existed. The Hoxian leaned against her hand, and the Hessean felt the hitch in her throat. Oh Gods, that was so Anaxi. Sobbing over things like feelings and emotions. The better half of her mind knew it was all just reactions of different hormones in her brain, igniting areas that controlled sadness or joy or love.
“Don’t say sorry, because honestly it’s not deserved. I know that I speak before I think, or I think what I speak, and it’s like ‘Oh hey Lil, here you go, putting your foot in your mouth again!’ And you know, I try I do, but then I get so comfortable that I just…blah!” The red head said angrily at herself, free wrist pressed against her eyes to stem the stupid tears that welled there, other hand still pressed against a warm tawny cheek. She felt them shift to hold her hand, pressing lips against her palm whilst she fought against the tremble in her chin.
Stop and listen.
Sniffing against the congestion that crying brought on, Lilanee shook her head, taking a deep calming breath before letting her arm move away from her face. It was impossible to stop the pout in her lower lip whilst also trying to quell the tears and the words, closing her eyes when xi brushed the wetness from her cheeks. Ezre spoke about the raen, about Tom, about their home and Lilanee felt it in her chest. Their hurt, and their loneliness. They’d been made to leave, to experience a world so bright and colorful and loud compared to their own. Without something familiar, a stranger in a strange place.
That was hard.
“No, I do.” The red haired youth said, her words almost nasal and muffled by her frustrated tears.
“I upset you, and regardless of how accidental it was, it still happened. I shouldn’t be scared, but, I just can’t help but imagine how the person who is gone must feel, and it frightens me. It scares me that someone can just be…pushed aside for another. I know, I know the raen don’t want that either. They are terrified and dying and want to live, as much as anyone. I don’t think of Tom as a monster,” She opened her eyes to look at them again.
“Or your umah. I do see the burden of their life, I just can’t help those thoughts. And then, why? Why don’t all ghosts end up like this? Or do they? Are we all really just raen that found hosts, and we don’t realize it? Or it doesn’t work like that? What about the ghosts in the garden. Do you think they’ve been raen before? What happens when I die? Will I find myself lost and looking for a body, stuck between here and the afterlife? I have so many things in my head, I can’t help it.” The teenager frowned, thumb sweeping over a tattooed lip with a tenderness wrought from empathy and care.
“I’m sorry you had to leave your home. We should definitely go there, in the school break. I have a special fresh notebook just for such an occasion, dedicated to Kzecka.” Lilanee said with a small smile, weaving her way back into welcoming arms and in turn holding the Hexxos closer this time. Protective, almost, in her cradling of their body against hers, red curls framing both of them like some sort of fiery curtain.
“It makes you special, vre’ia.” The young woman tested the word, carefully mimicking sounds even if they didn’t spell right in her head the way they sounded. Tilting her head, she leaned her lips against the smooth dark tresses of their own hair, pausing for a rare moment of silent contemplation at the Hexxos’ words.
“Your umah loves you, like any parent would. Like mine does, even if she vexes me to no end. Her soul still lives, there is no reason for there not to be love there. You are a gift, I imagine, for her. Don’t let the world outside of Hox, don’t let me take that away from you.” Murmuring against raven hair, the auburn creature pressed her lips together at the deserved and blunt comment, letting her fingertips trail absentmindedly over their arm and back up to their shoulder in a comforting movement.
“It makes me galdori. Like you. It’s…it’s okay to have feelings about these things Ez…I’m allowed to have feelings.” She chose her words carefully now, not quite chiding the other student, but letting her Hessean directness show.
“But it’s also okay to talk about them, to explore them and challenge the views. I’m still learning a world I didn’t even know existed, that I am still trying to understand, that you’ve lived your whole life in. Be patient with me, with us…close minded folk.” Lifting her head, Lilanee glanced up to look out of the window behind them.
“Some of us are trying to change.” She said softly, watching the small glowing lights of tiny townships or wick campfires pass slowly in the darkness down below. Her words were still, breathing quietly in the private room, skirt still drawn up so she could wrap closer to the Hoxian and chest rising and falling in rhythmic motions. It was soothing, being held and holding them, the patterns of their inhales and exhales almost syncing together. Her hand continued its absent stroking, a soothing habit she'd not even realized she'd picked up from her father.
"Did you know, that even though it looks like we're moving slowly, airships move at a rate of speed far greater than any land vehicle or animal? It's an illusion of being up so high, that the ground seems to pass like we're barely walking." Her dusky peach lips turned upwards slightly, unable to resist providing a useless fact where none was asked for.